Not good, not good...

I feel useful when my life impacts and encourages another life. When I made a difference to improve situations. When I influenced how others think, positively. And that's when I feel deep satisfaction and has great assurance to the purpose of my next breath. But to how much can one can influence another without the work of Spirit? Not much.

But anyway, I just realised how we get into whirls of confusions and conflicts of interest between "what we should" and "what we want". If becomes so real a problem when you face it. And surely that isn't a nice experience. How nice would it be if what we want always match with what we should. Then there won't be confusions nor conflicts. Then things will be so easy to decide and will work as planned...

There are some parts in me growing lesser submissive to authorities. Some parts in my inner self is starting to conflict to what my brain knows what I should do. And the trouble starts. Because no matter where I listen to, there are bound to be discomfort. Either you choose to be selfish and annoy your beliefs and start disliking yourself. Or that you be selfless and upset your heart by not getting what you want.

There must be some changes in phases of life which we have to face that our inner selves that has conflict with how we want to do things. Which side will win depends on where you usually place your heart. If we place our hearts always on the RIGHT side, doing what's pleasing to Him will be easy. But if we always place our hearts always on the... LEFT? Then of course don't expect to have motivation to do what's right.

So stuck.

So stuck.

Meaning I'm further from where I should be?

(Something out of point: Why do we always fail to visit bottle trees when we visit they're park?! So angry with myself for forgetting. Afterall, it's they are the hosts -.-")