Reflectionssss...

Well, I've changed.

To someone less appreciative to structured operations, more emo, easier to please, harder to be energised... To someone who is starting to feel the pressure living her own life, making her own decisions. Also I'm starting to realise that death is anywhere, no, everywhere. So I'm being more open to changes.

Whatever or however, I'll become, I just request that Jesus won't be taken away from me. In tough times, I need Him to carry me through. In joyful moments, I want to share my smiles with Him. I want to be less self-focused, less self-conscious, less self-centered. I want more people in my life to see Him in my life... And to do that, I know there is price to pay. He is a jealous God, I can't be holding lots of things in life yet having Him to shine.

So...
What is there to let go? Where am I to let them go to? All the bitterness, hurts, regrets, bad habits, selfishness, wishfulness. How do I walk out of them? When will they be fully gone?

RW says, we don't own ourselves, thus we cannot actually say "Surrender my all". That's because we don't have control of ourselves in many aspects. That inspired me into a thinking which I still don't know if it's right, and that is what I can do presently. If I can't forget things I should, let them stay then! Never mind if it stays in my memories, but don't let it grow. If I can't remember things I should, let it be! Never mind if I can't recall, but don't stop doing what I should which I can remember.

I'm going to ask dad if this is the way to life. If this will bring us to the next level of faith and pleasing to God. Because I'm sick of pretending. And feeling guilty for not being able to reach my desired goal. Many times I want to do good, but fail. And do bad instead. Afterall, I realised I'm out of control of myself. So, I thought of this way to move nearer to Him.

However, is this another more crafty way to avoid my problems, and will it lead to more room for bad to grow? Is this a plant of SA. Tan's thoughts? I'm also not sure... But just an expression of my struggles when trying to keep up a pleasing life. Also my proposed solution to this struggle. Let's wait and see if my proposal will be approved...

At the mean time...
NEVER STOP MOVING THE RIGHT DIRECTION!