Away

If you don't know just where we stand, don't brace a fall that you may never want to land.

I am working hard because there's a visibly near rest to look forward to. Call that an unhealthy motivation or missed-focused aim I don't really care. But that's the fact for my present state. I can move on because I see my break, my kit kat.

Well, I used to think we can find soulmates when I was in secondary schools, or maybe I thought I found one. Totally comfortable being together but reality of the world and human emotions didn't let us have our way for long, we have to part. Since then, I kind of accept the fact of living life STILL, to its fullest without a soulmate is possible. And need not be lonely.

Btw, we shouldn't be relying on that hope in the first place. Not as many would be as fortunate to find a matching one. Trying too hard to hold on to them will only make you lose them faster, in an uglier way. Cherishing what there is and not squeezing whatever is in it is important. Because losing is painful.

Sometimes I wonder if time were to reverse, will I still make the right decision? Will my curiosity kill myself in hope to explore possibilities in life? Will I mess things up? And till today I still ask if I regret some decisions made. Will I blame it on Him if my fears which drove me this direction actually doesn't really exist? Will I be disappointed if my pride to some of my stubbornnesses which maybe really nut-shells?

If I confused you, that's right! Because that's exactly what I'm feeling. If you think I think too far, too much, that's right! But I can't help it too. Life isn't all easy and clear-cut isn't it? If we enjoy something which doesn't belong to us, the pain of leaving it will make you wish you never had it initially. If we dumbly reject a good blessing from Him, thinking it's too good to be true, that's frustratingly stupid to do also. So where's the stand? Like mentioned: If you don't know just where we stand, don't brace a fall that you may never want to land.

Oh. Tell me a better theory that's less hurtful.
Bah. I sound so not me today.
I don't know where I should stand.

I do have to make sure I look beyond self to find the way out. I do have to admit what I lack to find what I need. I do have to see my flaws to work out improvements. Lots of repairing, clearing and reflections(plus scoldings) to do and get before I find my place. But it's ok! My youths are always encouraging in their improvements! I'm still working towards my church building fund donation plan! I'm seeing my Saenmango Church up in the mountians soon! And Weiling can come at just $470.81!

WooHoo~~ I'll be happily away till next tuesday! NYPians, we shall meet on 27/04/08 for dinner and movie, shall we?! Of course will see Grace first on her 21st Bird-Day la... How would CL forget that, I wouldn't!

Hoping that Lin Gang is doing well. And that Serene's mum be free from pains. Not forgetting LX's dad salvation and Mel&Char's studies. YQ and LY's struggle to find their place in life, just like CM and YS. Little Sheng Yang's and mum's health be well together with Yi Ling's and mum's. TB to experience Lord as always in his new Church and Tiwa's parents to receive Christ. Of course praying for Charis Mission On the Move!

There's always something to make a little difference to everyday!