Some ZZzzz thoughts.

Went to a wake of a young father today. Leaving behind his wife with two sons still in primary school. Due to deteriorating health and not wanting to burden his family, he seek death himself. He cannot wait to leave. Or should I say, he could not wait to live a body without illness?

Selfish?
Sympathy?
Irresponsible?
Compassion?

FR showed a picture in newspaper today of a child's head flatten due to China's earthquake. Some refused to leave when death comes knocking. Some send themselves ahead to meet death. Who's left on earth who lives each day as if it was their last?

I'm always a mad girl. Since I was young. I will wake up and sit on my bed imagine grandma pass away, imagine dad died of illness... Then I'll cry. Heh, silly ehh? Now, although I no longer cry imagining they're gone, I will write letters to my future children. I will write to my husband. God knows who... I always uncontrollably move ahead of time. Today, I even did a powerpoint slide of what I would want to say in my funeral. I talked as if I was gone, dead. Hah, crazy ehh?

Teach me how to move with time.

My memory is really bad. But amazingly I can recall all the little and insignificant things that happen, sometimes so vividly to an extend it frightens me. If time permits, I can roll out the weather then, who brushed passed me, and distinctively how I felt that very moment. I can narrate the actual conversation in sequence and know what was the gist of the conversation. Then... I'll be stuck there, in the past.

Teach me how to move with time.

*** *** ***

As I learn to move with time, let me not miss out life.
Let me be able to live now even if I recall past.
Let me be able to live now even when I foresee future.

Because I know, life = now.