I feel so girl.

Since grandpa held my hand to cross the road on Thursday night, I've went back to the primary school days, the little girl. As always, I'll automatically stop before any junction to wait for the big hand to hold mine before setting out to the wilderness of roaring fast and fierce tigers and lions. The same firm hand held mine, then 11 but now 21 years of age.

You understand the kind of shyness yet appreciative feeling? Everyone's looking but yet something beyond those staring eyes plead, "Please... Don't let go yet,". The next thing I know onboard the bus, I'm like an idoit. -.-" When I pray for people I love to stay the way they are, not leaving, I'm praying for myself. I need them at their positions, at times, more than they themselves wish to.

But, there are things on earth beyond our control, situations against our will and happenings not as planned. There are people we have to bid farewell oneday, no matter you like it or not, no matter if you're prepared to do it or not. "Why?" at most we can ask, but never "No!" can we suggest. The Creator disallows disruption to His order of cosmos.

Just as I want to rebel against the absolute He holds, this tiny but firm voice questions my rebutt. And fear grips me from moving forward. And then the contradiction is left to be cleared up. This is the problem of knowing the Truth: You have to agree with it, if not, it judges you. Then those are the times you regret knowing them which caused you stuck no where.

I'm not saying that we only choose to understand Truth that you're agreeable with, but rather, just whining of the trouble knowing the standards yet not reaching them. Furthermore, since it's Truth, lying to self by denying them doesn't help at all. Because knowledge of Truth judge us in this temporary life. However, Truth which are unknown judge us in our eternal life. Meaning to say, cannot siam, either way also die...

Don't know if you were to understand what I'm trying to bring out. If you do, surely you've experienced what I described. If you don't, go ask mummy for a cup of milk and go to bed, you lucky chaps. And enjoy life as it is this way now...