Forgiving

After finished watching the 9pm show, for the second time, I concluded that the media is really conveying different teachings from what I was taught. It tells that 'it doesn't pay in the process of being kind'. What is this... I was told that people love kind hearts and only by being kind, can one find love. Is the process of being kind that bad? Who would dare to be kind and truthful anymore?

Anyway, I've considered blogging about this long time ago. But have come to a decision to blog. Of coz not being too elobrated about this here la... I'm sorry, I can't. Not that I don't want. I was instructed to keep my mouth shut about this, to protect people. But can I just share my thoughts here? Well, yesterday, I was watching detective series of a few murder cases at night. One kills people randomly at midnight on streets. He shoots from his ambushed car along the road side to whoever drives pass. After shooting, the car definately went hay-wired tha's when he proceed nearer to shoot a few more shots. He killed a total of 3 drivers.

Another climbs into bedrooms through windows to rape then kill his victims.[I made sure I locked my window...] One of his victims was just 15 yrs old and her parents were just next door! It's really a tragic. Imagine~ No! Stop. Don't imagine. Just take it as it is. If not you'll suffer what I suffer. And the shocking news is that these killers once or more times boasted about their doings to people they threatened. What have gone wrong in these people's mind?? I mean, what do they really want? Lifeless bodies? I'm sure they feel afraid too...

That reminded me of one expirence I had. Too irritating to mention or to recall. "Only those who should know knows", my dad reminded me. Anyway, this memory haven't had chance to run away... It's still as clear. As vivid. I hate the sight of seeing that in my mind. And you know what leads to hatred? A replaying of what happened to you.[what that person said/did to you...]

Maybe I need even poorer memory? Hah, nope. I know I need to forgive. Until I develop love for him, I can never do anything near forgiving. I want to, really. I want to love even the most disgusting freak living, but I know I can't myself. I need God's love. Sad to say, I haven't get over this whole issue. I just remind myself that I've got to listen to whatever dad says. And I trust him more than I trust myself. It isn't that very bad to keep quite and act as if nothing happened. But when it replays in your mind, I hated it.

No doubt real peace comes from my God above, all these that I expirence is due to my own faith. Nothing to do with His awesome power of healing. Maybe I should pray more about it and get it through and done with. I don't want this to linger in my life.

Forgiving not necessary comes with forgetting. The most sincere forgiving is remembering every detail yet loving... I want it, NOW!