Let's free our hearts to love more... Love more.

If you know my family well, you will know that I hate coffee times. It's time when I'm cornered to end-way, and have to reveal my secrets. To my parents, of course. They have a way to ask questions leading to my heart, knowing how I think, or worse, knowing why I answer the way I did. You can't blame them, both are psychologists, studied children behavioral changes, seen many many many people of all walks of life. They're more than being smart, clever and knowledgeable... They are WISE. And especially my dad. Talking to him makes you surrender everything you vow you wouldn't tell.

Or maybe is it just me? Is it because I'm their daughter that I become so vulnerable before them? Why will one of their sentence impact me that much? Why do I keep their suggestions deep down my heart? How did I manage to know their hearts when they didn't tell me straight in my face what they think? How will I live without them?

I have little secrets. Some I can share, some I don't have to share, some I don't want to share. Secrets like I would imagine dad and mum never make it home from Thai and then cry to sleep. Or cut and paste noses, mouths, ears from different kids and form them into my future child's face(Oh, all 3 photos look like deformed mutants). At times I'll practice what I want to say infront of the mirror the day before, using different expressing tones, expressions and body language to best express myself. In short, my life is more than what you see.

The fun I enjoyed is more than what my camera can capture. The food I eat is more than what you see in my toilet bowl. The tears I flow is more than those I cannot control. The encouragements I received is more than just cards, letters, emails or sms. My life is alot more. More than my everyday life. And it's always at coffee times when I'm actually tricked to reveal my secrets...

Today's coffee time we talked about Thai ministry, sanfu, tithing, weddings, studies, marriages, friends, meetings... Dad told me something which made me really scared, knowing that future is somewhere nearer than before. "CL, you're adult and there are some things in life which we can no longer help you decide. But you have to decide and not let them mess up your life. In whatever decision you make, we'll try to move on from there, together. As a family." I hate tearing infront of dad, that makes me seem very small girl... What more in Mac?! But what to do? I AM THEIR SMALL GIRL AFTERALL.

But amazingly, thinking back, the most grateful times in my life:
Coffee time :)

Hopes...

Parents came back today, and immediately, we realised our thoughts clash. Mum and I. Now I'm throwing out to YOU and YOU take your side. Background Info: We were discussing a charming study looking at how TV influences children by examining the toys they request in their letters to Santa Claus. (Research led by Prof Karen Pine, author of: Journal of Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics.)

CL: Mumbling the background from lappy...

Mum: What toys they request?

CL: Pokemons, Batman's car for kids, StarWar's supernatural swords... Tsk, tsk, tsk... Don't their parents provide them with any better place to place their hopes?

Mum: Children need to have hope to live healthily.

CL: Ya laa, but not at the wrong place mah. If not they will eventually get upset when they realise that it's all their wishful thinkings...

Mum: Better than no hope for them. Especially for those who come from broken families. False hope is better than no hope.

CL: Disagree. No hope is better than false hope. At least they aren't looking forward to something which don't exist.

Mum: Get ready to go house gathering laa!! Too much time huh u?!

CL: (Decide to find supporters, heh heh...)

What do you think?
Take your pick!

False hope > No hope = Mum's side
No hope > False hope = CL's side

Don't know/Can't be bothered = No hope = Backside...

胜不骄；败不馁。

Only in quiet waters do things mirror themselves undistorted.
Only in a quiet mind is adequate perception of the world.
~Hans Margolius~


... ... ...

Knowledge isn't Power

Sometimes we are so open our brains fall off.

~Rick Warren~

This is a classic example how human expose their limitations and showcasing their stupidities thinking we've grown superior of the limitless... That's why knowledge hinders wisdom and functions of brain crippled the value of heart. How open will you choose to be? Watch out for your brain!



As you guessed, this post is triggered...

Yes it's long and non-sugar-coated...

I'm not a good speaker, nor am I expressive to my train of thoughts. I'm popular for explaining a lot of things nobody can get it. But still, I want to share my views... Well, dad just analysed to me why younger people seem more restless and tired, while elders more enthusiastic and passionate in life. Other than because they realised they have not much time left to live (hahaha...) Dad told me 2 reasons why I may not be able to build a desired family in future: Because of my selfishness and short temper.

Ya, he's just so naked in his words. He says from the way I pack the house, he can see selfishness. (eg: Pushing mum's files out from my table to living hall, switching off the fans whenever I'm sweeping...) And from my thoughts and language, he sees my short temper. (eg: Scolding the TV actresses for being so dumb, being impatient with bro...) He ended off by shaking head la! That's @.o!! But not only I admit, I fully agree.

Well, although it's frustrating to listen to someone listing all your areas for improvements for nearly an hour, but I'm thankful that he observes me, judges me, lectures me... If not that he takes the effort to pointly highlights my flaws backing with examples, I will be ignorance to them. And likely there will be no chances for improvements.

--- --- ---

Don't judge it's book by it's cover is a debatable statement afterall. Haven't you teach your child how to differentiate a good boy from a bad boy when he choses his friends? That's judgment. The boy who fits into your "bad boy" image is also someone else's precious son. Haven't you glare at the skimpily-dressed lady and wished your daughter never grow like that? She is someone's daughter as well... Although these judgments never hurt because they aren't expressed, but they are also judgments we often make. Are they acceptable to what the Bible says, "Do not judge"?

Firstly, let's define the judge we can make, and the judge which Bible says no to. We judge because we are given the ability to do so. And from there, we can make decisions. You can do your school projects or conclude on what you want for dinner is because you are able to form an opinion objectively and wisely. That's good! That's the judgment God expected us to use! What the Bible is actually saying no to is not the act or that instance of judging, but rather, the motive inside. How have we derived the judicial decision is what He sees: what intentions/motives/reasons behind all these judgment.

If it's for your daughter/son's sake (eg given earlier) that you have to teach them how to judge wisely, your intention is not to hurt but to educate, then it's perfectly fine to do so. But if we cunningly impose a judgment in a suggestive way, guiding people to a negative impression about another person, that's the kind of judgment God detest. That's why, it's always safer to display judgment about THE person to THE person. Not about THE person to ANOTHER person. You may think what I'm saying is silly, but it's true. People who really hope that you improve give comments to you and people who only want to tear makes suggestive comments about you to others.

So one simple way to detect God's-way-of-judging is to approach the right person to express your judge. Only that way, do we show we are sincere in getting the problem solve and displaying love in hope that the person improves. On the other hand, the way to detect Shameful-way-of-judging (God sure don't like us doing this...) is to prove your judgment unable to reach light by telling it to everyone except the direct person you are commenting about.

Jesus didn't politely tap the Pharisees on their shoulders of their sinful ways. He slaps them with His word! Jesus made a judicial decision to the two who lied about their offerings die instantly. He sees the young man falling asleep during sermon and taught us to judge that inattentiveness to His word caused him to fall to death... Well, Jesus didn't PLAN all these, He merely allowed Himself to make judgments and taught us how to!

Secondly, one of the reasons we feel hurt by posted comments is usually because we aren't sure if the judgment was right. Or if not, we lived a life close by that comment. (eg: you won't feel more hurt when someone says that you killed his mum than he saying you back talked his mum.) You can see that hurtful judgment hurts also because there is a possibility that the judgment was right! Thus, it somehow poked us at our sensitive spot. Shouldn't we look into it and learn more about ourselves from there?

--- --- ---

We may be really losing out in our character, integrity and moral behavior as compared to the earlier generations... But at least let us learn to have the capacity to digest judgments, comments and feedbacks so as to improve from wherever we are. Don't jump on your toes yet when people judge you, those judgments may be just what we lack to move to a higher level!

Instead of seeing reasonable judgments as hurts, see them as a cross junctions to make a right turn! As for unreasonable judgment, think twice, thrice... If they are really unreasonable, throw them out of your head! (easier said then done, I know... But I'm stating the IDEAL-TO-DOs.)

"It's only at low tides that you know who has been swimming naked." ~Anonymous~


If we aren't naked, just wait for low tide.
If we are naked, it's still not too late to get ourselves covered!

I like it when I'm sincere to myself, to others. But it doesn't matter.

Haven't been able to login successfully lately. But nvm that, cause I'm here!!!

Well, something bothers me very much, something to do with religion and science, spiritual and mind, aspirations and reality, His will and my feel. How do we balance, how do we compromise? Or should I ask, does He even bother to find out of He was here? Will He take a stand, how would He handle all these? Is there anything wrong in graduating with a diploma with a constant reminder that it fail me one day? What about rejecting good offer just because it's too good? Or thinking that if Jesus makes a perfect scientist?

Well... How about faith, how tangible is it in our lives? If He plans this way and I feel the other way STRONGLY, does it mean I'm far from His will at heart? Is there a so-call best path of life? Or just to make the best out of the given situation? And are all these questionings representatives of my shaking faith? *swallow hard =.=

Poo... Wanted to post a joke, but think the thinking is too heavy for anymore jokes. I wouldn't say that project drove me nuts, because I hate to admit they weight so much in my life. But living a life rushing for something which eventually dies off faster than we do, frustrates me. Before you conclude that I'm running extremes again, think again... Wouldn't this kind of ?!-life irritates you? If it doesn't, you are the one with problem.

Well, if I constantly look down on education, does it mean I can stop at diploma?! WAHAHA... See! Balance between His will and my feel is tough! I have many many many dreams... hopes... wishes... And they changes from time to time! Haha! Most updated now, Reality dream: Feel energised for P.W. tomorrow. Wishful dream: To be able to see my life at 40 in a crystal ball the witch has.

OUT TO FIGHT THIS THEORY:
The 4 stages of Life

With me?

Don't slow me down. I may run over you...

Qns: Is that chap really taking video?

Option 1: Yes.
Option 2: Nope.
Option 3: Don't know.
Option 4: Who cares?
Option 5: Wha piang!
Option 6: -..-


































































Scroll down for what?!
Like what you guessed, there's no answer la...

SO.
This is life.
We care too much for nothing.

受宠若惊

谢谢你。