Conquer!

It's not easy to go back to God. The fact we have some qualities that have drawn us back from Him will keep us going back as well. That's why it's hard... It takes more than own's willpower, determination and convictions. We need supernatural power to do that. (well, people like me with little willpower need more supernatural power!)

But after the first step, His presence in your heart will naturally guide you to the next step. Having a relationship with Him. Then, comes the most challenging part, Maintaining. After restoring the relationship with God, we have to maintain it! And how not to fall back there again is not easy at all. We need the Church. We need other believers. We can't maintain a good relationship with Him ALONE. There are no lone-rangers in the spiritual battle. Those who are in the army will realise how important are the ones beside you. Aand to those who think that they don't need church life to support the tough battle, they just haven't see the danger of war.

May Eph 6:11-13 describe everything in war terms. Interesting and simply amazing!!

Galatians 6:9

I am lonely. I've never felt like this before in my years in church. Well, not THAT kind of lonely, but lonely in the battle... Not that I've never felt lonely before, but they all came with self-pity. But it's abit different this time. It's more of being helplessly lonely while there're still sufficient motivations to move on. In fact, this loneliness made me depend on Him more often. Weird huh -.- I hope I explore this new experience well, coz dad reminded me how much we can hurt another when we're down. And when we've finally got up from our fall, the person that we dragged "down the water" WITH us may still be falling deeper~ So, must be really careful!!

Galatians 6:9 is my top 10 favourite verse. And it's always in my cards that I wrote. "Let us not be weary of doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." How do we fight the weariness? How do we keep on by keeping on?
INDULGE IN BIBLE.
And see how the strength in us grow! Rick Warren wrote this: "Are you satisfied being a thermometer, simplily registering the spiritual coldness of the environment around you? Or are you willing to be God's thermostat in your corner of the world?"

Loneliness is how I'm feeling. But I'm not going to allow myself to sink in self-pitiness. Anyway, Jesus has given His life to me, what more can I ask? I'm not trying to DENY that I actually felt lonely and helpless, but I'm definately not going to sit and do nothing about it. I want to OFFSET (neutralise) all the negative by being more positive! And with His grace, all things are possible~ ^^ There're always people out there we cannot please. And we don't have to please man, but God alone! So, if a person is on the same track as Him, you'll find yourself pleasing him at the same time you please Him, get it? And for those out off track, no responsibilities to please them at all. So there's only ONE FOCUS. Please Him. And everything will fall nicely in. The sequence cannot be wrong! That's something we all cannot afford to miss: Right Sequence. (Matt 6:33)

I want to do what matters most in lives of people whom I most love, on most important dates, on most important chances. Sometimes it's so easy to miss focus. For an example, Christmas has the highest crime rate in the year. It is the most memorable day. And we meet the most important people in our lives that day(well, maybe? pple you love??). We usually do the least important thing - Partying all night, and Talking crap. And the best part is, do we still continue to plan to do this? Hmm... Have a new idea for my wedding suddenly~ Hee...

Man, I'm always naggy and long-winded at these kind of hours. Pardon me. :p

People, we're on the same boat!

Ok, all that I want to blog is at yifan's blog. True, true, true~ (AND reminded me how I shouldn't spend $10 plus a day eating in sch... That's really gross!)

And the sms that zonglin sent, the sms that weiwen sent... How nice! :)
13th June won't be that bad after all, just be good, sit still and we'll all wait for you at the counter, k! It's just a little extraction here and there, you're not going to lose anything more than 5 teeth~
And for those having the dreading exams that is driving you really mad, don't give up! Mel, the carelessness are there to remind you, not demoralize you, same for the difficult bio practical, Char! Do your best and leave the rest to God. Remember that a focused life is the way to sucess. And we can only be focused by doing lesser unimportant stuffs. Jiayou! You won't die if labour day got tuition laa... But ask Him to make a way! Ruirong also needs to jiayou~ That brainy boy.
I appreciate Alan's sharing, although it's preety obvious that it's with help... But that's the reason why I appreciate more! He took the extra effort lor.
Well, the prayer requests from all of you are also being copied in my prayer list, so that I won't leave anyone out.
Happy Birthday to Grace and Beverlyn!!! You guys must have thought I won't remember your birthday right?! Heh, heh... WRONG! Do the most important thing on your day bah! Don't forget to wish~

Heard of the song "Don't cry Joni"? I've been hooked to this song this afternoon... Kind of a sad ending, but to me, it's not necessary a bad ending. Although somethings that happened are heart-breaking, but He have a way to turn the table round and use the problems for some important experiences in life! The hurt is worth it if it helps to unfold the blind and see more clearly. When you focus on the lesson learnt, the hurt isn't anymore a wound.

Just walking in the Rain

$10.90 today, abit out of my average budget ehh~ But I did tried my best today. Just hope that I can sleep well tonight and stop dreaming, it makes me so TIRED. And the irritating part is, I don't even remember my dreams... Duh.

Anyway, today the rain was fantastic! The mini storm was just in time, the "going-home" time! Uaually I will call if my grandparents can bring umbrella down to pick me up at the mrt, but today I decided Not. How long have I wanted to be in the rain? How could I miss this chance?! So I s-t-r-o-l-l-e-d home... And don't know why I keep singing "Just walking in the Rain" in the rain. Well, I made sure that no one sees laa. It goes like that:

Just walking in the rain
Getting soaking wet
Torturing my heart by trying to forget
Just walking in the rain
So alone and blue
All because my heart still remembers you
People come to their windows
They always stare at me
Shaking their heads in sorrow
Saying: Who can that fool be
Just walking in the rain
Thinking how we've met
Knowing things have changed
Somehow I can't forget

Clarify that I have nothing especially to forget or remember huh~ This song just kind of flashed in my head... But I do remember someone told me about when to be in the rain.

I'm feeling kind of messy these days, but! Peacefully messy. Get what I mean? Many things happened these days, on DAILY basis. Plus the people involved usually are whom I care too much that I can't pretend not to see. I can seem unconcern, or not even bring up, but deep down in me, I know that I care. BUT! Everything is going to do especially well because I'm starting to feel helpless and feel more need to finally get God involved! I love you guys. When I say I love, I may not be able to provided exactly what you needed(lots of times I don't even know what you all need), but the intention to give the best is definately there~

The most room space avaliable to improve on is me, myself and I. Wasted so many chances to be kind gentle and patience... I hope I can change. And my hope depends on God. He's my hope. I want to be shaped into someone gentle(can you imagine me being gentle?! -.-), even thought it may mean wearing skirts or speaking below "noise-level"... I can still be hopeful and believe that He'll change me, not I change myself using willpower. I have more to say when I have time, going to meeting now~

Unity

What I want to blog today is all in Liqin's blog.
Total agree.
Total understanding to each and very sentence.
:)

still there?

Extracted from: Will you still love me tomorrow -The Shirelles-

Tonight you're mine completely
You give your love so sweetly
Tonight the light of love is in your eyes
But will you love me tomorrow?

Is this a lasting treasure
Or just a moment's pleasure?
Can I believe the magic of your sighs?
Will you still love me tomorrow?

Tonight with the words unspoken
You say that I'm the only One
But will my heart be broken
When the night meets the morning sun?

I'd like to know that your love
Is love I can be sure of
So tell me now and I won't ask again
Will you still love me tomorrow?
Will you still love me tomorrow?

Was listening to this song and maybe share my inspirations. Imagine God is the one who sings this song to you. How would you react? Will you even dare give an answer? Or be like Peter who answered with 100% feelings but later fail? How many a times we tell God: "Oh, I don't have enough space in my heart. You have to share the space with the pocket money[Or: results, relationship, TV, radio, myself..] in my heart." God's asking: Will you still love me tomorrow?

I like the word still. This proves the limitations of our love.. Still still still... Will I STILL be there for His work?

Focused Life

Recently have been overly-exhausted because of the stress in school. And wow. It's more than I estimated it will.. And I can knockout and even missed 2 wednesday meetings at my house! Gosh, that's very bad and I gotta do something. Bladding from morning till midnight also not that tiring lor~ But anyway, tests are opportunities to grow love, hope and faith.

Well, I think I can handle the finance better of you wouldn't come by and "care" so much.. I might do better! Hah. But whatever it is, you really do deserve our holidays and so Stay At Home. As for the visitations: "Thanks, but no thanks." Yea, and I'll improve!!

It's human nature to get distracted by minor issues. Many people spin around at a frantic pace but never going anywhere. Without a clear purpose, we keep changing directions, relationships, churches, or other externals--hoping each change will settle the previous problem, confusion or fill the emptiness in our hearts. We think: "Maybe this time will be different." But it doesn't solve our real problem-- Lack Of Focus and Purpose. We need more convictions than opinions. Opinions are our thinking, feelings that can change easily. But convictions are principles you can die for. As we set out a purpose driven life, we need to not only set what we want to do, but also things we DON'T want. Just in case they choke up our life. We can be overloaded with trash too!
[Wholesale copy from: Purpose Driven Life] I'm not that smart to come out with all these k~

That's something about pruning. Gotta go for badminton tonight, so maybe share with those interested when I'm free ya? Sometimes I feel like digging my heart to let you see what I intend to say, but many may not be interested to what I have to say. Nvm, forget all that CL said. But know what our God has to say! Read the Bible.. I'm learning to read... It's always too soon to say: "I quit."

It's the inside thing :)

Haha, glad that he's attached. "Phew" is the discription. Finaaallly~ :)

Anyway, now I know a little about inner peace. Inner joy. That's when what's beside you fail, you can still be happy, bearing in mind that God's all that matter. Human beings fail us, always. So there's no point being too affected by people around us... Colossians 3:23 tells us how we should live, in what perspective at least. Leave your mark on the world today! BUT. Dun expect any recognition from man. When you're doing what's pleasing to Him, usually you're doing something unpleasing to man. But dun worry, your inner man will keep you doing what's pleasing in God's eyes.

Something I'm always reminded of. The day when Jesus was judged before Pilate. He remained silent. And do you know that in fact, Pilate was threathened by the simple fact that Jesus refused to speak? He didn't need to react to those insults and what people have to say about Him because He knows who He was - Son of God. Strength is found in gentleness. And gentleness is to handle hurt without retaliating, accept blow without striking back. Well, I learned abit in this area... The harder way~ Patton said this: "Never fight a battle when you won't gain anything by winning."

Get this line, it's classic: "I don't want him to decide how I'm going to respond." That's gentleness, that's strength under control. That's choosing to be an actor rather than a reactor. Rick Warren said: "Anger is a warning sign that tells you you are about to lose something, often your self-esteem." How true! Proverbs 15:1 is the way man~

The more I read the Bible, spiritual books, sermons' notes, the more I realise how far am I from God's standard, BUT! I always feel nearer to Him. Can you understand? Further from His standard, but nearer to He Himself. What's more worth it than being under His wings? Safest place, remember...

Just dun let me run out. I want to be in there, the whole of my life.

Fighting a battle of Fruit

Am supposed to sleep now just in case I give wrong change again at Cheers later... -.-" But was tempted to do the reverse, Blog! Hee, I have things to say and if I dun say here, I can't sleep! Not that whatever I say here is very important or that affects me some ways, just that I can't sleep without talking.. Err, ok, typing in this case.

Strong leaders are not afraid to show their emotions, agree? Weak leaders on the other hand, worry about what other people think. Strong leaders are strong enough to be sympathetic. Well, I'm obviously the weak one. 2Tim 2:24 tells us it's a mark of spiritual leadership. How long have I helped with the dishes? A father, a husband can't say he's spiritual leader if he haven't change the diapers or help pick around the house. Do you remember when we had a pimple and thought it was national crisis?! People at our past level need our kind sympathy. "That's no big deal" isn't what they need. Some people need to have a bomb exploded under their feets to feel excited. The Bible wants us to feel with those who feel. That means, they weap, we weap at heart. The laugh, we smile with them. That also means that when my bro comes home excited of his another day in school, I have to get excited with him! [That's why we stay to accompany another eat just right after our meals~]

When we constently feel with others, we are developing a bonus benefit: Reaping Faithfulness. I read a book that asked: "Who can depend on you?" And this qns came out everywhere when I see people around me. I consistently ask myself if so and so is someone who can depend on me... And I realised how unfaithful I've been. So lacking in love and kindness that my faithfulness development almost= to zero. [Let me declare that faithfulness I'm talking about is not stupid things like keeping secrets for others...] I've realised that those who help store other's secrets and dun somehow release them somewhere fall fast. Simply because God didn't meant to make us live together to keep secrets! He wants us to share and share and share... Ya, and some people reading this is probably questioning me why am I not sharing myself. Well, I'm learning, and coz I'm too weak, not as steady as you. I'm seriously hopeless in this area, I know. However, that leaves no excuse to improve! So, dare you to ask me anything you want man~

Btw, faithfulness is a choice, also not dependent on the respond of people. That means, faithfulness is not a reaction, it's an action. "The greatest ability is dependability." Don't you agree? Working with unfaithful people is a pain. I don't have to explain much in this area, do I? I'm sure you can never quite relax when you depend on a unreliable, undependable person. Proverbs 25:19 explains it. Many a times, in moments of weaknesses, I promise something that don't even register in my head. But thank God, nothing really serious that I've promised so far... BUT. Life is make up of small parts. And if I'm aren't faithful in small little areas, then I'm not faithful most of my life!

I totally agree to what RW said, "You don't have to commit adultery to be unfaithful." That's how strict faithfulness demands. Never mind if you're still struggling, I'm defiantely worse off than you... I make promises just to get people out of my way, I'm horrible~ BUT. Here's the full stop for all these empty promises. [Proverbs 20:25] And of coz, we'll all need more than willpower to change, we need His Spirit.

I'm sorry to be unfaithful, unloving, hurting, unkind or impatient in anyway that have hurt you. But do know that hurt people hurts people. I'm wounded too~ I was once hurt too. That's why I've hurt you so. Deepest apologies to all~

knowing self

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That's how I feel today. Don't worry, they're not vulgar, just expressions nia.

Who's left?

Want to know why it just isn't growing? Blame me. I screwed the whole cg. I shouldn't have led it the way I did, I'm all ready to apologise. I shouldn't made everyone agree on our restrictions before ruling them out, and they shouldn't come from us too. I shouldn't joke about mistakes we made and laugh it through just because I don't know how to respond. I shouldn't plant you guys in a pot, rather than a piece of land, limiting all your potientials. I shouldn't be so anxious to provide what's the next step when no one seems to interested. We should have struggled together instead. I shouldn't have insist on rules that I will later forget and make everyone feel that whatever I said, I will somehow forget to implement. And thus, moulding a "whatever~" attitude. I shouldn't have led you guys using my feelings, my knowledge and my selfish doings. I should have put you guys in Him, instead of trying to grab hold of you as we struggle. That's beyond what I can do. I should have surrender to God earlier that I'm really no fight to you, but I insisted to fight the battle alone. I'm sorry to accomodate to what you guys demanded and thought I could help at a different level. I'm sorry for what I've put you through, all these wrong teachings. I'm to blame. I have stolen away your chance to live a holy life... So many years gone, under me.

BUT...

I'm neither going to give up. In fact, if I throw the consequences to another to bear, it'll be so selfish of me. Although there're many areas that I know I have done wrong, but there are more that I haven't discover. I should have stood unshaken in the principles that [NOT we have stated, but...] God has stated clearly in the Bible. I shouldn't have lighten the tone of how God passed His message, or carve an easier path for all of us. Can we do this altogether again? Let's switch to another path together... To the smaller but brighter path. And I have to say this:

"I'll bring whoever is willing. And sad to say, leave whoever is not. But I expect the best, because of the love that's there. Love expects the best, remember?"

Not bad, just not good~

Life was so much easier younger.











Decision-making is out of my chioces then, but in return, I don't have to bear any responsibilities. How easy is life then! If any hiccups, just point to the person who insisted to make the decision for me~ Parents. Sometimes, I get really fedup with myself for deciding wrongly. But always only realise so when paying for it's consequences. Dumb rite?! You may be saying: "You made that choice Yourself."

[Now that I know how to post pics, you must learn to read from pics too ya?]


I bought a collection of classic oldies and was listening to it this morning. Slept too early yeaterday so woke up at 6.15am to day.. Back to the oldies. Man, they never fails to make me agree to their lyrics man~ Although I don't like man calling their girlfriends "Baby" it makes my hairs stand, but that's besides the point. They can express what felt deep in me, that's why I always like Rick Warren's books. Same logic. They express well enough with the correct impact and I'll go, "Yup! That was exactly what I felt, what I wanted to say but couldn't! They got the feel right on the spot." For a moment, I wished living IN them. Maybe to steal some knowledge of expressing?!

Regrets are there to teach, my dad says. If we don't learn, lessons simply come again, in the same form, Regrets. But it just seems like I will forever make the wrong decision the next time round. I think I have serious eye-sight problem although I've always claimed to have perfect eye-sight. You know what I mean? I need spectacles from God. To see far, to see through. Reminds me of the song: Silence is Golden. [Go buy a oldies cd today!]

=Fantasies come true? "Undercover Angel"
=Just broke up? Try "The great pretender", "Bye bye love"
=Or want to patch things up? "Without you" lor...
=Hmm, or waiting for someone who is already attached? "Before the next teardrop falls"
=Unsure and doubting true faithfulness? "Will you still love me tomorrow" will fit well.
=Gave up loving? That's very saddening, but listen to "I'll never fall in love again"
=Lover died, physically? "Tell Laura I love her" and get more depressed. :X
=Simple ordinary love that makes it so extraordinary that you're experiencing? "Love grows"
=Dreaming something that never can it be fulfilled? Go "All I have to do is to dream"
=Hopeless? "Let it be"
=Caught red-handed? "Sad movie" shares the pain.
=Asking for the world to change as you feel? "Why" agrees with you.
=Missing people so far? "Runaway" is the best~
=Waiting to meet? "When will I see you again". But wake up soon! :D
=Fights? Disagreements? No worries, "Rose Garden"
=Inspirations? "Reflections of my life"
=Memories? "Those were the days"
=Getting married? "Kind of hush", "Chapel of love"
=Everything fall into plan recently? "What a wonderful world", "On top of the World"
=Acceptance? "Yellow Ribbons", "Hurt so bad"
=Fun, expressive songs? "Judy Judy Judy", "My boyfriend's back", "Tisy Bisy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka-dots Bikini", "Shelia", "I'll follow him", "Stand by me", "Hey, Paula", "I love you to want me", "Never ending song of love", "I'd like to teach the world to sing"... ... ...

Hee~ So now you see why they are my all time favourites?! You gotta hear them to know why songs nowadays are mostly nonsense when compared..