On the way...

We were "conquering" the IBRC room this afternoon, and wanted to do some work then since we're all waiting for the next lesson. Then Jas came over and share with me a song. And It's rather nice, so I'm sharing here as well! May it treat as a reminder that we have to treasure our family members while they're still around... And not to take their presenceS for granted.

When will you be home, she asked
As we watched the plane take off
We both knew there's no clear answer to where my dreams will lead
She watched me as I crawl and stumble
As a child, she was my world
And now for me to go I know she bleeds
But yet she says to me,
You can fly so high
Keep your gaze upon the sky
I'll be praying every step of the way
Woohoo...
I love you too much to make you stay

Autum leaves turn into spring time
And silver painted hair
Daddy called one evening saying, "We need you please come back"
As I watched her laying in her bed
Fragile as a child
Pale just like an angel taking flight
I held her as I cry
You can fly so high
Keep your gaze upon the sky
I'll be praying every step of the way
Woohoo...
I love you too much to make you stay

Today was a fruitful day, I think. Went school from morning till evening. Went home, practise 全然向你 till want to die lor!!! And guess what?! I haven't got it right -..- Nvm. Few more days to go... Then did my preparation for God's Words. This week's Word is rather fun! Hahaha... See pictures guess stories. Cgers ar, go read up some Old Testaments k!

Come to think of our 生活营, I can feel the fustrations my dad tried to bring out on wed. It's no longer like before. Yes, I totally agree. I'm not trying to make people who just joined us envy or discourage anyone here. But the fact is, IT REALLY WASN'T LIKE BEFORE ANYMORE. The main difference is the attitude of our members towards 生活营. Last time, people start saving from the start of the year just to support themselves to year end camps. Now, people simply say, "It's too expensive. I can't go..." Go bang wall la. What a lousy cover-up that you actually didn't bear to spend that $350 at Charis. Last time we have banners for our camps, but now, the "best" we can come up with is to use vangard sheets to cut out the wordings. Last time people volunteer to go reccee with pastoral team but now, leaders have to plead and beg we take leave to help them. I mean, DOES GOD DESERVES ALL THESE "LEFT-OVERS" WE'RE GIVING HIM?


Maybe we've experienced alot of 'revivals' throughout our Christian life, too much of Bible knowledge, too many superficial acts... We grew N-U-M-B about His kingdom and that nothing more excites our relationship with Him. Is that why we're always tired when we work in His House? If we've lost the first love, whatever we do upon our 2nd or 3rd ot 4th love is no longer pleasing to Him.(No matter how hard we try...) And that's VERY dangerous. There's one kind of people I pity most: People who sacrifice God's justice/Word just to earn human's likings. Well, though it's not easy to uphold His Word in this filthy world we live in, but, isn't it why He chose YOU to do it?? I understand that it's always not easy to be different and seen as ailen to others who don't know Him. However, let's outgrow this! Let's not let Him down. (Espcially speaking to my dear cgers. Get it?) Let's not make Him go to the Cross for no value. Make the most out of what He has given. It's not too much to ask for, when you think of who He really is.

Well, did lots of soul-searching these few days and also complained to God of my fustrations... And one thing reminded me that I should bow humbly down and tell Him I love Him. And it's the Perfect Love demostrated on the Cross. As people fight over a piece of 2 thousand years wood believed to be Jesus' Cross, is anyone interested with the grace and mercy that flowed, and still flowing thereafter? Have we already focused on the wrong things in life YET thinking that we've got it all? How dangerous. May He open our eyes and let us see, how far we've fallen. Imagine the video Far And Away posted in YF's blog(just-my-world.blogspot.com) as our relationship with God. It's a happy ending! Because of one important sentence which Jesus will say,

"And I forgive you, for being away for far too long. So keep breathing coz I'm not leaving you anymore. Believe it, hold on to me, and never let me go..."

You see, I just have to talk and express my feelings out.
If not, I'll be very moody. ^^

I hope you get the message I wanted to encourage YOU about.
YOU!!
Don't guess who's the "YOU", it's no other one but YOU, the one reading it.
The one God created too!

(South Canteen wages is nice. Opps, I ate fried food.
Promise I won't lose my voice. Sorry...)

Yoz...

Haha, you know I love oldies right? And there's a song by one of my fav singer: Nat King Cole! The moment the song was played, I knew it was him that's singing, and paid extra attention to it. And it was so interesting that I digged(YES. DIGGED.) out my cds and took out the lyrics. You may find it amusing too, will you? Oh ya! I'm slowly liking the Naruto song YF posted too! But anyway, here you go:

Mona Lisa, Mona Lisa
Men have named you
You're so like the lady with the mystic smile
Is it only cause you're lonely
They have blamed you
For that Mona Lisa strangeness in your smile

Do you smile to tempt a lover, Mona Lisa
Or is this your way to hide a broken heart
Many dreams have been brought to your doorstep
They just lie there, and they die there
Are you warm, are you real, Mona Lisa
Or just a cold and lonely, lovely work of art.

So. Shouldn't I be more generous with my smile, my joy and love? Why should I lock myself up in my dreamland and never find myself to reality? My peeps, may you too, find your dreams in your Creator. Your Maker. Because it's always useless to plan for ourselves, to imagine our future and make lots of preparation without God giving His approval.

It's always cruel to demolish your own sandcastle before leaving the beach, right? Especially when you've invested so much into it... If we didn't build it the right location, even if we don't tear it down or hate so much to see it fall, the gentle wave will flatten it. Back to it's original position, flat. Let's all be courages. To bear to see it tear. And daring. To build another one, the right position this time.

If I didn't managed to glorify God today, I'm sorry.
I'll do a better job tomorrow.


Wait for me, ... ...

RaMbLiNgS of CL

I - W-A-N-T - T-O - W-A-T-C-H - M-O-V-I-E.
W-A-N-T - T-O - W-A-T-C-H - S-O - M-A-N-Y - O-F - T-H-E-M.
B-U-T - N-O - T-I-M-E, N-O - P-A-R-T-N-E-R-S.
M-A-Y - F-I-N-A-L-L-Y - C-O-N-S-I-D-E-R - W-A-T-C-H-I-N-G - A-L-O-N-E.
P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C - C-L.
H-A-T-E-S - T-O - S-E-E - P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C - C-L.
D-O-N-'T - U - H-A-T-E - I-T - T-O-O?

Hee, just little mad. Just finished my ppt for tomorrow...
Tomorrow's sun will be brighter! YEAH -..-
Like real...
Actually, I'm hoping that there'll be a BIG down-pour with gushing wind that can unfold umbrellas!
Then, only then, will I be soaked in rain again!
Feel like sharing a song here, but too lazy to type and furthermore, isn't too nice to share.
What am I saying?!?!
Okie, you're right.
Guess I'm tired to live up to the title that was given.
Because I'm relying on myself.
My own strength.
I'm sorry.
Lost my dreams in Night-time story Books.
Don't want to find them back.

How am I now?

My internet's fixed! Thanks to Sam! So I can roam around anytime of the day... Hmm, that isn't too great to me either. Nothing in this world can satisfy us. They may be able to make us happy, but they sure don't have the ability to make us joyful. I know why recently I keep talking about joy. Because I seem like I've somehow misplaced my joy. So have to keep reminding myself not to worry and to always give thanks, like how my 儿 did! Haha, WJ, your post did encouraged me.

Come to think about the past, the journey, and how the environment and I have changed, I somewhat start to fear. Because I realise how fast and easily things and people changes. I start to realise my trust in people decreased greatly. Because I don't want to be entangled in confusing and heart-guessing games? But seriously, I don't want to be hurt, nor do I want to hurt anyone. Is that why I no longer can trust like I used to? I miss those times when I could depend on others to get my problems solved.

I went into long hibernation just now, sleeping at times when I should be awake. Dad saw that I was really tired, so he excused me from badminton today... It's tiring to stay awake at times. I'm hoping that it's due to tiredness that I'm behaving this way. Because I just don't like the other possible explainations.

As Dec approaches, I know 2006 is ending. And that 2007 is starting. Do I still have oil in my lamp? Or has my fear dried up my fuel? Will we stand the test of our just God? Will He smile when He sees me? Oh man... How I hope my faith grows immediately, so that I can stop worrying and to live in peace.

Re-teach me how to trust and have faith.

Running my day

WIN LE LOR...

Now I must be really careful with whatever I say and blog about. People are asking, either me, each other or inside. I suppose if you have any question about me, come and ask CL. You'll never get more accurate answer from another person about me. So please be more polite and go to the right source. I will tell you whatever I know that's happening. Don't guess inside you too, assumptions make a fool out of you. Well, I maybe a little harsh, but, do me a favour, ASK NO ONE BUT ME. If I don't even know the answer and don't know what's going on actually, you think anyone on earth knows better?

Anyway, today something really weird happened. I received an email from MY EMAIL ACCOUNT. I'll cut and paste the whole conver out:

From : chengling chua
Sent : Thursday, November 23, 2006 4:09 AM
To : chengling_87@hotmail.com

I'm terribly sorry to have done what I have come to deeply regret.

I had changed your password for your gmail account to "onetwo3".
I can only hope for your forgiveness and that I do solemnly swear that I will never again enter any of your accounts. And again, I'm sorry.

With Remorse,
Sinner.

Why are people nowadays so free to do these kind of things?! Boliao ar? I mean, yah, you are forgiven and truly spared from my anger because you could have chosen to keep quiet and continue reading my mails... BUT. Why try hacking into people's accounts? If I know you, you could have asked password from me and MAYBE, I will give? Thank you for returning me the ownership of my hotmail and gmail plus blogger accounts. Please don't do it at others though. That's a nasty trick. I mean I have nothing you can't read in my mails, just devotional items and projects, some jokes here and there nia, nothing as important or private. But that won't be the case for others lor...

I'm sicked. The moment I wake up I know today will be a "running-day". But still, forgot to bring tissue. But Claire generously gave me one and a half packet. And now, it's finishing -..-" Stop the flow, someone. Maybe our school's plumber can help?! HAH. Okie, lame.

Although today's not a really nice day for me, but there's a reason to stay positive! Because ultimately, no matter how many dumb things can happen in one day, we haven't lose out on the most important stuff: We still have God in our lives! Remember asking Kayson where Jesus is. He pointed to the sky and said, "Heaven." But I told him Jesus is in everyone's heart.

We just have to stay aware of the reality that He is always present.

No longer a thieve. HEH HEH.

Have you ever had your dreams come true, and you realised you no longer have the courage to believe that it's so perfect? And think it must be some traps. Shame on me. How little faith I exercise in the blessings of our gracious Lord, IF it's really God's grace to me. However, what if it's not? What if it's like what I predicted, a trap, a pebble trying to distract us? We'll have to bear the consequences then. Will it be too late? There are many things the Lord wants us to do fast. Forgiving at instance, love people who are poor and weak at sight, be the first to stand up for Him in a crowd and many more...

There are also times when God wants us to TAKE OUR TIME. Like he wants us to speak s-l-o-w-l-y, anger s-l-o-w-l-y, judge only after m-a-n-y m-a-n-y m-a-n-y benefits of doubts... So did I hear God say "Go for it" or "Hmm, not so fast, take your time"?? Seriously, I'm lost. That's why I'm not moving. When I was younger, my father always remind me not to wonder off track with them. But IF I'm really away from them, all I have to do is to stay there and wait for them. That's a promise he gave me. He'll be back if I ever lose them. IF I stay there, it'll be easier for me to be found. I guess that's the principle I'm following? You can say it's no link, but I have no more principles to follow...

Anyway. There's something to look forward to tomorrow... My cgers! Meeting them is definately more worth to feel happy about than to be able to skate. They are the reason why ice-skating and bladding experiences are always so fun. Although I do like personal times, but I've never regret any minute spent with them. Even when we quarrel, when our ideas clashes, when I at times have to insist my way which is not favourable and well-like, BUT. They have been so supportive. No matter if it's secretly going to Sentosa, or reaching home after 11pm, or spent their $ for offerings before Sunday, they are forever my loves in life. I hope you treasure our friendship as much as I do! :)

I realised I love to stay and listen to people who are righteous. Although they are people who are usually naggy and fussy about little things in life, but aren't they attractive standing on God's side? I mean don't they look a little prettier, a little smarter knowing and insisting what God's values? So if you see a someone everyone is bullying, be that righteous one to be different. One kind of people who really disgust me are those who bullies people who are weaker. I mean, you don't have that little guts to do nasty things THEN forget about doing things which will make people despise you. That's why if you got into jail for raping a child or robbing elderly, you have to prepare for a hard time in jail... Let's protect those who are weaker and lend our support to them! Transfer your attention from the already bright-and-shinning talented friend to the one standing alone at a corner. Because Jesus would do the same as well. He's always doing something that's different from the crowd. So, I've promised not to steal connection! Haha... That's why I'm here at Mac.

Want to delicate a new song to especially my cgers: (This is what I want to tell you today...)

When I say "I'm a Christian"

When I say "I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I am saved"
I'm whispering "I get lost!"
"That is why I chose this way."

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble and
need someone to be my guide.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
and pray for strength to carry on.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
and cannot ever pay the debt.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
my flaws are too visible
but God believes I'm worth it.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain
I have my share of heartaches
which is why I seek His name.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I do not wish to judge.
I have no authority.
I only know I'm loved.

And that's sufficient to live my days with JOY.

Next time you say "I'm a Christian", remember what it means.
See you guys at JE!
Don't fall!
Bring gloves!
Bring along your heart for our new friends too!

Upper Playground

Ok. I miss Thailand. The people, the streets, the kids, the meals, the pick-ups... Even the weird dogs we saw. When will I see them again? Talking about staying in Thailand, I was with the same room as Weiling almost all nights. Excluding that night when I didn't sleep o.O I had fun talking to her. We have the power to talk from sleeping position to sitting position! I don't know where our strength came from. (Well, of coz we were as usual late in the mornings...) But talking to her is fun. Coz you know she can relate and know what you're saying. Well, almost each night, we end of conversation with, "Got to pray more, got to pray more..." Indeed. We have to learn to look upon to God more and rely less on ourselves. We're really nothing without our Creator.

Weiling! Jiayou k...

I saw a young man's t-shirt with "Upper-playground" on it. And I wonder what it means. I don't know why but throughout the journey to school, I kept thinking about this word. I supposed it's a playground for grown-ups? If so, what's your upper playground like then? What is it filled with? Alcohol, lust, loud music and smoke? Or fellowship, God's word, prayers and worship? What do we like to indulge in? In what do we find enjoyment? What are the things that have the power to make you smile? Or rather, what captures your attention?

Guess God has the draft of each of our payground He intend us to play in. And only when we are in our designed playground will we find real joy. He wants us to take pleasure in all the righteous and pleasant doings. And to hate and filthy, unpleasant and gruesome things on earth. The Lord asks us to, "Fill your minds with heavenly thoughts..."

Going to get some pics of our trip from Anthony. And, I'm more determined to learn photography. If we can't share happy moment forever, I'll snap them down and keep that joy THAT moment forever... Bought 2 post-cards for 100 baht. Heart pain coz it cost so much, but like it alot. Did 2 crazy things for God this trip. Hee :)

Joke:
Yesterday, Zhang mushi drove us back from airport to home. Because my parents aren't coming home with us YET, my bro and I had 2 huge lauggages and 2 backpacks to bring home. Anthony helped us to carry the 2 lauggages down from the van. We were happily saying good-byes that we walked to the lift, leaving the 2 heavy lauggages near the rubbish chute! Then we walked back to collect the 2 lauggages when we realised. Think Anthony saw that. Saw him laughing. ZL n YF saw too bah? So throw-face lor... Maybe we just need some sleep.

Reporting from Thai

HI PEOPLE!!! Now at Ahka centre and guess what?! I'm a-l-o-n-e -..- Because I have to stay back and do project laaaaa... They all went out for lunch and to send Sam off to airport, he's coming back early. The weather condition here is rather cooling. Oh YA! The first morning at Ahka centre, my room flooded! Because the whole tap came off and the water flow continuously. Weiling and I were sleeping, and didn't know about it. Then that poor Cheryl has to hold on to the tape, trying to fix it for like 5mins?! That's enough to flood my room. When I finally heard the gushing water and woke up. All cheryl could say was, "Chengling jie jie, water gushing out" with the tap still in her hand. So I fast get off my bed. And the whole floor was wet! I wore socks at night, mind you... So, Weiling got Ah-pi-cha to help dry the ROOM. That's it.

Anyway, this time, this trip, I feel so different.(That's why I'll never grow tired of coming Ahka, it's always different!) With ZL around, we're always full. With YF around, there's always jokes. But what makes this trip significant to me is not all the fun and laughters we had. But how we see them, to touch them, to take photos with them, and to be part of their lives--- all these experiences only draw me nearer to God. How great is it to know our amaxing Lord! How great...

We dance, we sing, we perform, we pray, we had campfire, we had fireworks, we eat together, we play, we compete, we cheer... But the thing that makes all these meaningful is because when you know that something stays after the dance, song, skit, fun, jokes, dinner/supper, competitions. Something which can last eternity. Something which no one can take it away from us--- God's love as we love!

Although we were VERY unprepared, God's grace is sufficient to bring us through up till today! We had the most no. of kids at the Bible camp! 1st yr 51. 2nd yr 47. This yr: 54! And one more thing: They have grown to more unwieldy and we find ourselves more in place as we lead the Biblical camp this year. Glory to our Lord! Who are we without Him? Not even vapour in the air, I guess. Ah-san-mei cooked lunch for me! She said she put her heart into the maggi mee, and I have every bit of her heart in my tummy now! Hahaha... We shared. I hope time don't pass. And that I have more time to talk with them like that. Only if I don't have projects to rush...

Ah-pa-pon! She was a girl with little smile. WAS. But no longer now!! She's more comfortable with us I guess?? Now, at times, she's crazier than we are... Hahaha :x There's a new guy, a fantastic guitarist: Ri-nai. He's the best musician I see there so far. Like what Zhang Shimu says, you can feel the life in his music... This time, he went with us too! He's really a joker man. Ask ZL for more details of crazy things he did.

Many fell sick this time: Weiling, Uncle Benny, Me. At times YF and ZL too... Sore throat and feeling feverish. But I'm proud of our behaviour! We didn't pout. Show attitude or give a black face... I think we didn't have time to behave that way too! Hahaha, but you know Pastor's mother? She seldom want to come out of her room usually, but this time round, she joined us in almost every programme! She sat there in her wheel chair as we sing, perform, dance. Even when we play blind-folds, she was there to see too! And you know what? She joined us at the campfire and BBQ. That was the FIRST TIME she ever went to the grassland and we took photos with her... She smiles. Isn't that why we're here for? Target hit. Sickness can stop no one here!

There is only one bad news here. That's really saddening. But well, I can't post here. Come and ask me if you wanna know, k! Other than that, things are all well. Oh ya! 6are leaving centre next year march. I promised to give them my dad's and my number, so all they have to do is call, and help will come. One of them is David's sis, Pra-ni. I love her man... Saying about leaving, I recall what Na-li said before she delicate a song to us, "Time brings us together, time also seperates us." How true. So will you love time?

Each time I come, I feel it's better than the previous time. And as usual, I feel that way this time round. Better. Deeper into lives, more love and joy expressed both ways. You know why we enjoyed so much?! Because we're doing all these in the name of Charis! Our God is amazing. He really is.

So if you're taking your O's, going to work, or just slacking in front of your computers, always remember that we don't have to walk alone, Jesus will be right beside us. All the way! So Mel, Char and WJ espcially, JIAYOU!!! WW: My most sincere thanks to you. NYPians: You guys have been really understanding towards me and that I'm really blessed to have you guys backing me up, helping me so much with the projects piling up!
And to my Sheperd, "You've shown me mercy. KOP-PUN-KA. GER-LA-HER-MA. Love you." The all of my beloved, may you have a pleasant day.

GLORY TO THE LORD!



(I'll post some pics tonight. I'll try, k!)