Who's left?

Want to know why it just isn't growing? Blame me. I screwed the whole cg. I shouldn't have led it the way I did, I'm all ready to apologise. I shouldn't made everyone agree on our restrictions before ruling them out, and they shouldn't come from us too. I shouldn't joke about mistakes we made and laugh it through just because I don't know how to respond. I shouldn't plant you guys in a pot, rather than a piece of land, limiting all your potientials. I shouldn't be so anxious to provide what's the next step when no one seems to interested. We should have struggled together instead. I shouldn't have insist on rules that I will later forget and make everyone feel that whatever I said, I will somehow forget to implement. And thus, moulding a "whatever~" attitude. I shouldn't have led you guys using my feelings, my knowledge and my selfish doings. I should have put you guys in Him, instead of trying to grab hold of you as we struggle. That's beyond what I can do. I should have surrender to God earlier that I'm really no fight to you, but I insisted to fight the battle alone. I'm sorry to accomodate to what you guys demanded and thought I could help at a different level. I'm sorry for what I've put you through, all these wrong teachings. I'm to blame. I have stolen away your chance to live a holy life... So many years gone, under me.

BUT...

I'm neither going to give up. In fact, if I throw the consequences to another to bear, it'll be so selfish of me. Although there're many areas that I know I have done wrong, but there are more that I haven't discover. I should have stood unshaken in the principles that [NOT we have stated, but...] God has stated clearly in the Bible. I shouldn't have lighten the tone of how God passed His message, or carve an easier path for all of us. Can we do this altogether again? Let's switch to another path together... To the smaller but brighter path. And I have to say this:

"I'll bring whoever is willing. And sad to say, leave whoever is not. But I expect the best, because of the love that's there. Love expects the best, remember?"