Put Off.

There must be some things in life which turns you off. Such as people who scan their ez-link when they board the bus and scan again as they walk to the rear to look for a seat. Or those sicked ah-peks who always smile at young girls. And for me, daring resistance to God using that puny little brain from Him turns me off.

Came across this book tittle in amazon.com: Sense and Goodness Without God. WHAO~ I really would like to see what sense and goodness does Richard Carrier have in his life. Defiance to authority is what a cowardly unreasonable fellow would do, but those smarter ones will top off their disregards with self- convinced reasonings. What more to God? I mean, what if he sees the price to pay? Miserable, tenny scrap...

Today dad taught me a new chinese proverb, so true!

英雄不垮当年勇

Ramble . . .

I've been sending my brother to MRT early in the mornings these days, and have chance to 'chill-out' as I walk back alone... It's different to wake up at 5am when you don't need to. It's more refreshing than waking up just to drag yourself to your classrooms. And as I'm typing, dad is telling me meeting 9am tomorrow with Pastor Foo and Jia Qing + Heguo. It'll be different when I HAVE TO WAKE UP at a specific time -..-

But still! Managed to revamp my room abit... Now all my posters, new laminated photos, whiteboards and noticeboards are up!!! I understand why Char says cleaning up room relieves stress, because you feel great knowing you have a tidy room! Mel and WW, please do something -.-" Haha! However, FR came in on wednesday and said my room look so ah-ma-ish... Probably because of the music I'm playing?! Whatever, as long as it's me who is sleeping here at night.

Looking through all my barang-barangs I have in my drawers, cupboards and shelves, I realised I miss the years when I can still start my age with a '1'. Not that I feel old, but just a wee bit of unwillingness to accept I've passed my Kindergarden, Pri, Sec... Lesser right to whine and do as I wish, reduced privilege behaving like an unreasonable small brat. Well, that's good though, don't really value the chance to whine and behave like a kid also.

Guess what?! I missed the moon-watch on 27/08/2007. And guess what?! ... Nah, don't tell you. Hmm, feel so sick having to write here yet cannot express everything. Ya, ya, ya, I choose to blog. I choose not to say. Contradictions all from CL, ya, ya, ya... It's all me, blame it all there. But I'm looking beyond the confusions and blames, beyond selfish wants and peer pressures. Cause I've something better in my life...

Dad's a little weird these days.
Guess he can really see THROUGH me man.
Yucks, hate it.

But still, CHEERS! ;)

破翠

握着虔敬的心
我们来到你的座前
单单依靠你的怜悯
主说你慈爱无限

多少次远离
多少次被归回
你深知我内的软弱
求你施恩典

求用破翠的身体来拥抱我们的破翠
以清除以宝血来还回我们的心
你奇妙的救恩
我们永远无法完全体会

求用鞭痕的双手来参托我们的伤痕
将刀口变生命来之润我们的干渴
带着疲惫的灵我们回到你的圣殿
让我听你温柔声音

多少次难倒
多少次已懊悔
你深知我们的伤痛
求你来安慰

It's my way.

Sorry for posting something which made you guys worry. I've received warming calls, caring smses, and comforting emails. Many from my churchies! :D Didn't kind of expect you all are so responsive and "into" my life to see more than what I see eh... A big huge to you all! And I'm fine, so stop worrying.

Since young, mum always say I cannot express well in my actions. And dad says I should start doing things I usually don't before I start regreting. My brother is good. He turns back 5 times to wave us goodbye when we see him to school, hugs dad and mum when he returns home, kisses mum as if passer-bys have no eyes... -..- At times I wish I dare to do what he does, but the thought that my parents will also understand that I love them no matter if I did those mushy things will kill my motivation to really put my love in action. And I've grown up feeling weird doing things a girl would. That wouldn't make my love any less, will it?

As I sort out things I would like to accomplish this long holiday, I finally realise how near am I to graduating from Poly, I have to make a decision to my life after that. Uni? Work? What if I say neither is what I see myself in? You may ask me what I use to measure or even define what I see myself in, I'm seriously unsure. Many factors? Or many only one- heart? You may say I'm irresponsible to just say that I can't see myself in things I don't like. Whatever, then take it as I'm irresponsible, because maybe I really am. Rather lost, but funny I've never worry about future caree like normal people will. But that wouldn't make me anywhere displeasing to His plans, no?

Argh, the more I write, the more I feel like I'm giving myself excuses to avoid necessary decision-making process. Oh ya! Mr JUTSUS TAN, you're missing for 2 weeks, and we're calling the police... If you were to come last week, we would have hit 150. Owe 149 of us a drink...

-..- v

Sweeping across the cheek.
Rolling down the neck.
Reaching my back, seep through my shirt.
That's how they roll...

But it'll be fine in no time, really.

Today's a happy day...

Cheng Qing's dad and Shu Ling's mum will be coming to service tomorrow... No, later. WOW O.o Hope tomorrow dad can convey the message into the needy hearts of the congregation. Afterall we only get input of solid and 'qualified' messages on Sunday, haha! Ok, crap, but it's exciting to know they're coming and we'll be seeing them...

There's another thing I'm excited about. I've always thought that being greedy is a sin which backfires as much as the greed in you put in. And stopping to be greedy is the end to fear of the backfire. Never mind if you don't understand what I'm saying. No one will anyway... But I'm really happy today, to be out of the 5 years bondage making me feel sinful always. If not, it never fails to lead me anywhere else than where He intends. Thank you for being so merciless, forcing my fantasy to end. It should, in anyway, so thanks. You know I'm not being sacarstic nor funny here. I'm serious and I mean everything I say.

As my holidays start, I look ahead for a new start to life. I may miss some changes to my day-to-day routines, I may initially feel uncomfortable of the hard and cold reality, but I know I'll benefit more at the end. At least I'll have ONE lesser big-hurdle between me and Him. And that's all it'll take to motivate me to move on with the right 1st step.

Hmm, let's see. How I should talk to my new friend tomorrow.

"Hi, how's life out there?"
"You look so much skinnier! What have you been eating over there?"

Darkness and Light = Mutually exclusive.

Got a chance to meet another group of people I seldom meet. Those who know what's like to earn for themselves because they wouldn't ask for $ from their parents. People who claims smoking makes them run faster, breathe better and makes them more awake. They are people who understand what's being lonely in life. They are the ones who felt betrayed, got backstabbed and moved on. I talked with them just now... It's a new sight to life.

They were complaining how difficult is it to live with reality while picturing a total image in their dreams, and just so often they have to do cope with this in their relationships. They didn't understand why they get together with a guy they like and each trying hard to change another to becoming like own self. Basically they didn't know how to cope with the differences which comes in between them and always find themselves quarrelling over those tiny issues. "Hot heads, cold hearts never solve anything." Pastor Billy said that.

They are negative about people around them, about marriage, about friendship, about bringing up children. But I'm quite impressed by the fact they still are treating their friends very well! I tried injecting some positive testimonies here and there to prove that all they've experienced are not all that this planet can provide. There's a brighter side to life. And know what they say? They say that I have this kind of hope and positive thinking because I always get to see the best of life because I'm a christian. I go church, not clubs. Thus people I see, meet, know are different. THEN COME TO CHURCH! -..- Make your life positive! Isn't it simple?

Then I walked home thinking, why do christians have to look for christians? Be it being marriage partners, business partners or any relationships you can think of, christians feel comfortable together. Why? I thought mainly because christians share the same focus... That focus draws us to work together towards the same goal. No matter how different are our values, they wouldn't go the different direction. Then the minor gaps of difference will be bridged by love and all the other characteristics. That's why we didn't come to try to change, we come to try to learn from each other, trusting each other because of that similar focus.

Well, you may say chirstians fail each other too. It's not all nice and rosy. YOU'RE RIGHT MAN! Haven't you see how we quarrel? How church members meet in court to settle lawuits? And how couples divorce? Christians are also humans struggling to give up selfish demands to try please others. And that not always we can do that. But, but, but, but... Real christians will "wake up" when God's being placed up front. Because as mentioned, He's the focus. When He is lifted up between 2 debators, everyone shuts up. When He is presented among 2 fighters, everyone quits fighting for themselves. And believe it or not, then we move on, many a times without even the need to SOLVE the problem. When He appears, everything dissolves. But that can only be possible between 2 REAL christians.

And sometimes this becomes so good that you find it hard to be true.
Ok, I'm off the point.
But hope you got my point.
Not that off point, but my real point.

Well, I've reached a cross junction.

I saw this down syndrome 4-5 years old boy with his grandma at MRT today. He climbed up to his grandma and kiss to tell her he loves her. For that instant I tell God: "Well God, it isn't too bad having a sweet down sysdrome child." I almost immediately erased that prayer when he forced his grandma to stand at the pole with him. What if He says, "Ok."?

Letting go of things is a struggle. It's a real struggle. Especially so when you feel the loss and that it hurts you. Or that it has a huge impact in your life, that's so much harder to let go. On the day I make that decision to let go things I should, I'll treat anyone reading this. Hmm, I hope I can treat you tomorrow...

Have been thinking about 3 things lately.
1. Something about life.
2. Another thing about life.
3. The other thing about life.

When you're quiet inside out, you'll hear Him.
No, you won't Hear Him, but you'll HEAR Him.

Maxx Lee Wei Jie

Although WJ spoilt my sunday, but he made my monday...
Thanks!

Nothing to look back to.

Ecclesiastes 1:2-8
2 "Everything is meaningless," says the Teacher, "utterly meaningless!"
3 What do people get for all their hard work?
4 Generations come and go, but nothing really changes.
5 The sun rises and sets and hurries around to rise again.
6 The wind blows south & north, here & there, twisting back & forth, getting nowhere.
7 The river runs into the sea, but the sea is never full. Then the water returns again to the rivers and flows again to the sea.
8 Everything is so weary and tiresome! No matter how much we see, we are never satisfied. No matter how much we hear, we are not content.

Yes, the above passage comes from the Bible, reputable of giving hope. Why the absence of hope and love and gratitude, and all that's expected from no other books but the Bible? Yah... This is the stretched coverage and exploratory area Bible provides! Long time ago, even before humans are diagnosed with depression or any other reduction of physiological illnesses, the Bible foresees we are going to get tired over what this world really can produce.

You say economic development is an improvement and are proud of the technology advancement. No doubt these improvements made life easier and the fact that I'm tapping upon one of these technologies to convey you this message, but IS THE WORLD REALLY IMPROVING?

Globalisation strengthen growing countries, but at the same time further crippled weaker countries. What true benefit does it bring us as a whole? Generation of wealth, so that everyone has more to use? But robbery cases increase. More comfortable life, so that robbery crime rate reduces? But only your maid at home has the time to enjoy all the luxuries. Come to think of it, how did more money help us live a richer life afterall?

We say we want to slow down global warming(who really dares to say STOP?). USA isn't joining the champaign, she's busy earning $$$. Who cares about global warming actually? Maybe from the bottom of your heart, you think you'll do all that you can to decelerate it, but how much difference can these small number of youS make? We're just some nuts donating and supporting green champaigns with one hand and speeding up the deterioration of the Earth with another. Is the world indeed progressing to a better state?

Let's be honest. We can't really make up our minds as to what we really want. We're pretty much lost. Aren't we? But someday, we are to answer to the real Owner of this planet on how we've managed it. Will we, THEN, be anymore proud of our brillant ideas to clone, to invent, to improvise, to produce...? Or that we'll all bow humbly before in apologetic manner before the Creator who didn't meant world to handled this way? Now you see why hospitals have insufficient beds for people and medical students have the most expensive bonds($800,000) in the nation. And that people can die giving up being doctors...

Do we STILL dare blame it on Him?

That He didn't stop sufferings?

SOS

Something happened just now. And I think God's really funny. What does He wants of me? Putting me in this kind of situation. You could have, I mean, like... Haiya, ZZzzz.

I'm not complaining that You allowed this to happen, but You've seen how much I've been trying to please You by being careful of my life, so hard that sometimes I'm suprise by what I'm doing just to please You. Can't You just help me with a little pull to get me nearer to You? If Your purpose is otherwise than what I thought, please TELL me. I don't want to be a fool for so long, routing the longest road to get to what initially was placed infront of me. If not, please don't permit any of these things to take place anymore, can? Yes, I'm weakly begging...

Or maybe I'm complaining.

Miss Mel & SY...

Piss... Tell you a secret.


I saw a handsome guy today!
Whaha... Maybe not handsome, but?
Ok, maybe it's handsome.

In Luke 12:5, Jesus says owning a lot of things won't make our lives safe.
No more.
Night!

(I never believe in dreams just like I never believe in luck... Sweet dreams!)

Head VS Heart

We may say:
If your head is right, listen to your head and ignore your heart.
If your heart is right, listen to your heart and ignore yout head.

And to think that I only have saturday to restore my deprived sleeping hours... And now have to wake up at much earlier than before. T.T But I'm sure going. How can I not go? This is when you ignore your head and listen to your heart. GO.

Do you think I'll be successful informing my dad I don't want to go for badminton but instead to sleep at home? Although really feel like doing some workout after such a long time not exercising, but yet, I'm exhausted. So I'm not going. How can I go? This is when you listen to your head and ignore your heart. DON'T GO.

Afterall is how we fit our excuses into our own selfishness. What right or wrong, heart or head? Aren't these no longer applicable when it comes to real life decisions? But it sounds so right in theory, so simple, so straightforward. Our excuses are so convincing that we are convinced they are reasons... Pui, my foot.


Excuses.

Warnings...

Tomorrow I'll share some life experiences which do not derserve me straining my eyes on the screen looking out for what I'm typing... Just u case you do not know(like me), my connection's more normal and cooperative.

No more Mac stays.
No more really late nights.

SEE THAT?!

People, pray for the Korean hostages.
Not because they are christians, but because they are humans.