Happiness

I really wonder why they call the slowest traffic the rush hour. Bah, never mind that. Blabberings. Have been receiving smses and emails about happiness. Hmm, just thought it'll be nice to share?

We convince ourselves that life will be better once we are married, have a baby, then another.
Then we get fustrated because our children are not old enough, and that all will be well when they are older.
The truth is that there is no better time to be happy than right now.
If not, then when?

That point of view helped me see that there isn't any road to happiness.
Happiness is the road.
So enjoy every moment and stop waiting for things to happen to be happy.
Decide to be happy!

Applause dies away.
Trophies gather dust.
Winners are soon forgotten.
Because deep down inside us, we all know that the most important thing in life is much more than winning for ourselves.
But to help others win.
A candle loses nothing if it is used to light another one.

Because we'll never know how much it cost to see our sins upon the Cross.
Value life, act responsibly.

A sailor without a destination cannot hope for a favorable wind. So after all that's said, we still have to go back to God to be real joyful. You know why? Hmm... Because God gives strength to the weary and increase the power of the weak. So, let's begin the day with joy, live the day with love and you'll end the day with peace!

Someone smsed me this story:
There's once a puppy which asked his mum a question. "Mummy, where do you find happiness?" His mum replied with a smile, "Happiness is at your tail everytime you behave. Only when you behave." So, this puppy tries to chase after his 'happiness'. After turning a few rounds and feeling annoyed, he wail that he can never seize his happiness. His mum said some words and from then on, the puppy understood. And the words of his mum echoed throughout his life.

And those words were, "You just have to behave and walk straight.
Happiness will follow you wherever you go."


Just walk straight.
Walk straight and do the right thing.

My apologies. My stand.

Went to shop for cloth and clothings. With Suya. Well, didn't find many "lobangs" but had a great time though. We shared about stress, about future, about serving and also about marriage. Many thoughts came. They came so fast I didn't have the speed to tell Suya everything I was thinking... But it's ok, she may not understand anyway. Haha, because I'm too dumb for her to understand.

Read Luke 6-9 today. Amazed by how Jesus talk, act, think. He's really magnificent. How He sees through the darkest hearts, how he provides exactly what we need. No more no less. There's one verse which strike me, thinking that Jesus isn't that COOL AND STEADY with His emotions also. He's affected by what He sees and has a heart of flesh, not stone. He's not always talking wisely and stardy. He uses His mind, as well as His heart. He feels as according to what He has met with. That's my Jesus.

Luke7:13
"And when the Lord saw her, He had compassion on her and said to her, 'Do not weep'."

Thank you the space for me to wonder and explore my way out. Thank you for enduring all the spiteful words. Thank you for understanding something you don't understand a teeny bit. Thank you for being such a nice friend. Your support you gave has significant value in my trace of my youth years. Your encouragements are paraded in my life and the joy and laughters you brought along with you are all the delights in my life. But you have to get this clear. You're just someone I'll remember on rainy days. Just someone who knows me a little more than others, maybe. So please don't do what you did. It hurts. Both you and me. And we're made for more, aren't we?! So forgive me for being irresponsible as it seems. For being demanding as it appears to be. For being confusing many a times.

I still have my track to follow. I have my life to live. Before He says anything, I can't say anything... So neither can you say anything. Even if you do, it doesn't count. Anyway, I do appreciate you genuinely from the inside of me. But if you don't know where to draw a line, it's safer to stop everything that can be misleading... Because I'm afraid too.

Also what I read today, from Luke 6:46-49.
Make sure we are all building on the right spot!

ShoppinG

YESH! I bought two long-long-long blouses yesterday!! Thank you Char n JJ for the company! WOOHOO~ And of coz to daddy, my sponsor! I really didn't expect to buy dress there, and so, I didn't waste my $0.65! You know what I mean ehh... Hee~ It was such a long time since I went shopping. Thanks to my mild-depression. I save quite an amount! HAH.

But anyway, it's really not the dress that made me that happy and be able to sleep early yesterday... But it's a whole new experience! First time shopping with such a heavy bag, with all my lappy and stuffs, but yet shop till so late la. (JJ calls that "turtle-shell") And JJ very bad la, dun want to join us, so Char and I decided not to wait for her train to come. But you know what?? Her train came first -.-" Aiyo... Will anger her next time. Hahaha~

Anyway, we shared about our youths, our cg, JJ's cg and also church stuffs... We talked about ourselves, our future and challenges ahead. But though I'm not sure how JJ and Char felt, but I feel better throwing the burdens to them!! Hahaha... So now, it also their job to "do something" le huh~ Great. I used to like having lots of friends around, have many parties, have many programmes... But now I realised I also enjoy being alone when I travel. I'm starting to enjoy quiet moments as well. Good? I don't know... I'll make sure I don't waste anymore time on misleading things. They're sure attention-seekers but I'm determined not to be distracted.

So, take what's yours. And return those which don't belong to you back to the world. Then life will start to get lighter to move along...

Stay firm!

Think my previous post is abit dumb, so deleted it... Anyway I was deeply encouraged by His word. I heard Jesus through RW's sharing. I see Jesus in RW. Btw, I don't worship God like I admire RW, like I was accused of in the past. But can you deny that you've never once been transformed by his book? Bet you can't if you've read his books.

"Most healthy, large churches are led by a pastor who has been there a long time. Long pastorates make deep, trusting, caring relationships possible. Without those kinds of relationships, a pastor won't accomplish much of lasting value."

This para really jammed my thoughts. This bothers me. What is going to happen to Charis then? Who will come from within after this generation? Now, not many seems to worry about this issue, maybe coz it may seem still far to think of my dad's retirement? I think otherwise. You may say, "God will provide what's needed." But does it mean that we do not imagine future Charis? Don't we care who will pastor Charis next? Will he be able to do a good job? Won't we keep a look out for our church? As I was looking through the church list, I made a silent prayer that I didn't catch myself doing as well... (At this holy moment, Mel's sms about LX's missing wallet and hp disturbed my thinking -.-") But it didn't bother my passion. My fire that's burning inside as I see my dad nurture the church. I realised that I too, want to be that privilege someone to be involved in what God's doing among His people. To be THAT INVOLVED as well.

I spend part of my childhood hearing meetings my parents hold, using phrases, lines, quotes so familiar. I see my how my dad, my mum serve. I see how my pastor aunties and uncles serve. I see other dad's friends serve as pastors. And I grew deep love for pastors. As I grow up, I love being around with them more. I get to watch what they draw on papers to describe, hear what they worry about and see their concrete plans for their churches. Sometimes I get to see their tears, hear they sorrows, feel their joy. As I grow even older, I hurt with them as they hurt. I feel the joy when they are encouraged. RW said, "Those pastors who have to farm, work outside their pastoral job because church isn't big enough to give them full salary are Heros of faith, in my view." In my view, they are Jesus. Jesus in this generation. I see Jesus in them.

Before He sends any messages to my heart and break my "ideal-future", I'll stay faithful to what I'm doing now. I want to love more.

Loving more doesn't mean accepting more sins, but leasing more forgiveness.
Loving doesn't mean covering wounds, but healing them in a painful way.
I want love.

Where there's love, it's the best method of leadership anyone can have. You know why? Coz 1Cor 13:8 says "Love never fails". And as long as I minister out of love, I can never be considered a failure.


Friends, instead of trying to find love, why not try loving? It's easier to love than to be loved. Hah. And you know what's the return for loving? Be loved. Well, maybe not that special someone you have in mind, but by our gracious Lord. But imagine He treats you specially like He treats Peter, James and John out of the rest of His disciples? That's far more important than anything else that can happen this lifetime... To hear Him say,

"Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little time; I will set you over much. Now, enter into the joy of your master!"

Simplicity

Want to know what's simplicity? Get this: WHY song...

I'll never let you go
Why
Because I love you

I'll always love you so
Why
Because you love me

No broken hearts around
Cause we love each other

And where the favour trust
There could be no other

Why
Cause I love you

Why
Cause you love me

I think of all this way
Why
Because I love you

You say I'm special treat
Why
Because you love me

We'll find a perfect love
Yes a love that's yours and mine
I love you
And you love me
All the time


We love each other dear, forever.

Maybe things are so simple. Only that we can't accept them as they are? That we try to read in between the lines, thinking it's not so simple and thinking that something must be behind whatever's there. And then you missed all the good, focusing on all the bad. Is that the way to keep the good? Or is it that we're only missing out the good times?

Don't Cry Joni

Joni was a girl who lives next door
I've known her I guess 10yrs or more
Joni wrote me a note oneday
And this is what she had to say

Jimmy please say you'll wait for me
I'll grow up oneday you'll see
Saving all my kisses just for you
Signed with love, forever true

Slowly I read her note once more
Then I went over to the house next door
Her tear drops fell like rain that day
When I told Joni what I had to say

Joni Joni please don't cry
You'll forget me by and by
You're just fifteen
And I'm twenty two
Joni I just can't wait for you

Soon I left our little home town
Got me a job and tried to settle down
But these words keep haunting my memory
The words that Joni said to me

Jimmy please say you'll wait for me
I'll grow up oneday you'll see
Saving all my kisses just for you
Signed with love, forever true

I packed my clothes
And I caught a plane
I had to see Joni
I had to explain
How my heart was filled with her memory
And ask my Joni if she'd marry me

I ran all the way
To the house next door
But things weren't like they were before
My teardrops fell like rain that day
When I heard what Joni had to say

Jimmy Jimmy please don't cry
You'll forget me by and by
It's been five years since you've been gone
Jimmy I married your best friend John.

The tittle should be: Don't cry Jimmy.
HAH.
Don't cry Jimmy...

My boys, thanks!

Now, let me thank all the boys yesterday...
Yes, including the one who skipped the clearing part, ZL!

Hmmmm, start with lx? I think you are always very helpful and always very willing to do the most tedious job. Always. Should give you a "hard-working" award soon! Alvin, you're the best man. You always know what to do, where to help, to get everyone moving... And the beefS ytd tasted good. Hah. Thanks seh... Weijie, I know it's not easy to still come and be so involved like you did ytd, you are brave! Cool man, running here and there for different kindof materials each time. Zongling, I love you whenever you put down your own interest and do things you don't like for others. And you surely did do lots for the new friends, for others' comfort. Thank you for coming, just seeing your face in our midst is real ease. And knowing that you enjoy the time is a real encouragement! Although you didn't stay behind to clear, but you are very much appreciated. Thank you for doing what you normally won't. Alan, it must have been a tiring weekend for you. Have to work and come for gatherings at the same time... But I appreciate you showed up just for the last part of BBQ and that you care to exchange the troublesome journey for little time with us. That reminded us to treasure the time when with you. Zhen Hang, as I said earlier, you did a marvellous job. You fulfilled your promise! You did it! May God Himself touch you in a way He never did, so that you can know He's the real God.


In conclusion:

THANK YOU FOR BEING THERE.

Especially when Charis needed you in the area not much people can help. Treasure the chance you have serving God, don't let satan take away the joy of serving and peace of evangelising... Strive on for God, give Him the best! Two reasons. Because He's worthy only of the best. And also, we have to give the best.

(I cleared my bubble-tea today lee!!!)

The Long Day is Over

By Norah Jones

By the fire
The long day is over

The wind is gone
Asleep at dawn
The embers(ashes) burn on

With no suprise
The sun will rise
The long day is over

Hey, 0203! I think you did a really great job... Char and ww, you keep the people intact, esp funny when you got stucked introducing new friends to new friends. Hah. Good try! God's certainly preparing something for you for doing this! Mel and sy, you both initiated the meeting. No matter who were late, who were against your ideas, you both without doubt impressed me and brought life and encouragements to me! Go on, we need people who seriously care about building church, and showing that they care... My dear yq, you responded to all my naggings. Singing laa, fasting laa, speaking for God laa... So much for you to learn! But you're always the patient listener.

I've surely not missed out the boys...
You're next that I'll appreciate about. Too many to say.

WELL DONE PEOPLE!!!

So much of you to get to know...

It's drizzling again.
Walked home in rain again.
Good! Keep on raining! Go on pouring!
I love rainy days :D

Have you ever tried looking to the sky, seeing the raindrops fall into your eyes? Try that if you haven't! It's a new special feeling. I tried hard not to blink, but it's futile. I still blink. Maybe I should wear goggles? Will I still blink in the goggles?! Hah. But there are some reactions you naturally do whenever you face certain circumstances. And that's hard to change. We can say as much things we will do differently if met with the same situation again. But, talk is cheap. When you start doing, and REALLY MEETS IT, you know how difficult is one little expression. When you have to fight against what you usually do, against how you felt. Fight to become someone ideal. Fight to improve. Have we fought so hard that we no longer know how we really feel inside? That's when you've mixed up what you think you are and what you really are. I expert ehh... Hah. Anyway, never mind what I said, here's a nice song, to tune back to God:

It's our confession Lord,
That we are weak,
So very weak.
But You are strong.

And though we've nothing Lord,
To lay at Your feet.
We come to Your feet,
And say "Help us along".

A broken heart and a broken spirit,
You have yet to deny.
You heart of mercy meets with love strong courage.
Let the river flow,
By the Spirit now,
Lord we cry.

Let Your mercies fall from heaven
Sweet mercies flow from heaven
New mercies for the day
Oh shower them down
Lord as we pray

We don't have to dig what's exactly inside us to become more like Jesus. We don't have to fully understand ourselves to start living a Christ-like life. We just have to do what He does. And by the time you realise, what you felt inside is no longer important. Because it's no longer valid. And that's overcoming yourself. Our sinful selves. Something I learnt from Daddy. Important lesson for me...
:)

Rainy Day with Raining Thoughts

Today's a rainy day.
Long, heavy, cold downpour.
Yup.
I played in the rain, again.
Thinking back of all the fun I had in the rain, today's the first time I played alone.

Still fun. But didn't dare to do crazy things.

Remember the days when we were in the rain, praising and worshipping?! Haha... Then will start hoping that mummy's not at home to see me drenched. Those were cheery moments. Even thought the sky was dark, thunders and lightnings here and there, but we were bright and sunny inside. Don't have friends to do crazy things with me, and maybe it's part of growing up that I'm not supposed to act like that anymore? Bleah.

Anyway, just realised how insignificant I am.
How timid.
How small.
How tiny.
But God still loves me though, He still cares.

Psalms 38 & 39:
(Selected verses only)

38:
1O LORD, rebuke me not in Your anger, nor discipline me in Your wrath! 2For You arrows have sunk into me, and Your hand has come down on me. 4For my iniquities have gone over my head; like a heavy burden, they are too heavy for me. 9O LORD, all my longing is before You; my sighing is not hidden from You. 10My heart throbs; my strength fails me, anmd the light of my eyes--- it also has gone from me. 15But for You, O LORD, do I wait; it is You, O LORD my God, who will answer. 21Do not forsake me, O LORD! O my God, be not far from me! 22Make haste to help me, O LORD, my salvation!
39:
1I said, "I will guard my ways, that I may not sin with my tongue; I will guard my mouth with a muzzle, so long as the wicked are in my presence." 4O LORD, make me know my end and what is the measure of my days; let me know how fleeting I am! 5Behold, You have made my days a few handbreadths, and my lifetime is as nothing before You. Surely all manking stands as a mere breath! 7And now, O LORD, for what do I wait? My hope is in You. 8Deliver me from all my transgressions. Do not make me the scorn of the fool! 12Hear my prayer, O LORD, and give ear to my cry; hold not Your peace at my tears! For I am a sojourner with You, a guest, like all my fathers. 13Look away from me, that I may smile again, before I depart and am no more!

Accept me please?!
Ya, Your forgetful, studborn and dying child...

-..-

Bleah...

Feeling nauseous. Due to the bus ride just now. Have to sit the opposite direction to the travel direction. Man, it's a torture...

I hate having fever and feeling nauseous. Gastric flu has these combination. And it's aweful. May be buy myself bubble tea later?! Hee~ But now, I'm hoping that Khong Guan biscuits can help ease a little dizzyness~

Or maybe I should go buy bubble tea now?! Hmm, ask if LQ n ZN wants! Bye~
:)

I'm not lonely!

Today's a fun day!
Because I realise...

I'm not the only one who F-O-R-G-E-T-S.

There are more in this small small world.
More.

THINKING THINKING AND THINKING HURTS.

I dislike myself when I listen to my head and stifle things coming from the heart. Just because I'm NOT SUPPOSED TO think or feel that way, does it mean I have to act as if I didn't? Well, in hope that I can please Him if I were to pretend I've never had emotions I shouldn't? It's really confusing actually. And it has becoming a chore to suppress much of what's going inside me. Hmm... Time for a full-heart checkup -.-"

God gave me mind to think and analyse. He gave me heart to feel. But when my mind wonder, it's easier to control where and what I want it to focus at. Whereas, when it comes to heart, I really wonder what I can do. Tell myself I shouldn't be feeling like that and repent for feeling that way, or what? And when I'm forced to face the music, I get really fedup with myself, struggling at somewhere least necessary to pay attention to. And more fustrated when fighting the feeling drains me out. And I'll be left with a fatigue soul dying... But anything I should do or not do?

These are things in life I've never met. Didn't have to understand. Need not face. But it's so different now... So different living. Living meant so much more. And when something comes into your life and stirs your life up then leave you alone to clean up the mess, it's- ARGH.

Sometimes I was tempted to go back to the days when all I bother to worry is if Evon will be staying after service this sunday to play with me. Or that will mummy cane me for drinking pepsi... In those days, every sundays are party days! Although you have pushing and crying here and there, but you know deep down you enjoy it and it's fun. You don't have to worry that much if you should have not misunderstood what this say or what that said. You also don't have to phrase words nicely just not to mislead people...

BUT I NEVER REGRETED FACING GROWING UP.

In fact, if I were to choose to live forever in childhood, or to face all the new challenges I have now, of coz I'll not choose to stay 7yrs old my whole life! That'll be so -..- BORING. However, I do miss those carefree times when waves start crashing over me. That doesn't mean I don't appreciate now k...

How about saying it this way: New areas I haven't meet before? These areas caused me big headache. Especially when I know I shouldn't be feeling what I felt. Or be thinking of what I thought. Maybe you'll say it's alright to think it that way, or to feel that way... But you know how much consequence you have to pay to plant a "seem-justifiable" seed into your heart. I'm afraid this will grow and also grow out of my control. I don't want that to happen. So I keep careful judgment of how I should respond and feel and force myself out of my natural-self into a my should-feel-this-way-self. But somehow it's not really working...

I've run out of ideas to run away from me. In the end, no matter how fast I run, how swiftly I manage to hide, I realise my shadows are always behind me. I can't shake it off. WHY? (ok, that's a very dumb description...) God plans that I feel like that? And so I have to feel like that?! But I never realise any lessons to learn after that. Things will get from bad to worse if I free myself to say as I feel, do as I please. Where is the balance point?

You see, you have your old self. You also have a ideal self customised by God to mould you into. So everyday, every minute, you're being transformed. It's expected and accepted that you have bring some of your natural self and meet with trouble, then you learn, and be a step nearer to your ideal self. God takes my whole life to mould me! And being said that, where do I stand? Am I too greedy to behave perfectly like I have to? Or is it always important to feel guilty for underperforming the way we should?

I know it's always important not to stop doing what's good, and to stop doing whatever's bad and things that are absolute wrong. But how can I start, stop or continue when I don't even know if it's acceptable or not to God?? That's why I always say it's scary to not know WWJD. So I've always spend much time thinking if this is ok, that is acceptable... If I do this, will He mind? If I do that will He flare up... And I never have the answer. Blame me that I don't share. But shame on you that you didn't care enough to dig. HAH. Thinking through all these is tedious. Can I say that I need some understanding from you for slow responses or misleading words that came from me? If I've said anything that hurt you, I'm sorry. (OH YA! don't ask me why I sleep so late anymore... Or why I so late haven't sleep. SAME. It's preety obvious.)

Are you lost?? Think you didn't even read to this line. Maybe lost somewhere in the second para?! But if you have, thank you. Thank you for being so kind to follow my thoughts although they went hay-wired... So now, can you answer me:

Where's the balance? Where's the judgment?

Labourers...

Did you ever talk to God above?
Tell Him that you need a friend to love.
Pray in Jesus name believing that God answers prayers.

Have you tell Him all your cares and wounds.
Every tiny little fear, He knows.
You'll know He's always there because God answers prayers.

You can whisper in a crowd to Him.
You can cry when you're alone to Him.
Pray in Jesus name believing that He knows your thoughts.
When you're lonely by a street, He's there.
In a valley by a stream, He's there.
You'll know He's always there because God answers prayers.

God keeps reminding me that He plants seeds of greatness in humble persons.

Self sacrifice is the real miracle out of which all the reported miracles grow.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson-



WE RECEIVE ONLY WHEN WE START GIVING!

Hang on there!

From sy: "Me wait until flower also wither le..."
(Hahaha... She waited for her mum to go M'sia with her just now. And waited for few hours.)

How many times do we have to wait in life?
Wait for water to boil.
Wait for bubble tea.
Wait for toilet cubicles.
Wait for parents to come home.
Wait for lecturers.
Wait for time to pass.
Wait for replies.
Wait for time to pass.
Wait for holidays.
Wait for weekends.
Wait for growth.
Wait for change.
Wait for rain to stop.
Wait for tears to dry.
Wait for flowers to wither...


Waiting for answer sometimes it's like waiting for the sea to dry up. But it won't be that bad. It won't be that long. It won't be that sad, that hopeless, that lonely a wait...

If you know what you're waiting for, is all worth while!

Waiting doesn't mean sitting there and WAIT. It means we have to get our butts up and do something FIRST, before getting the answer in life:

What am I here for?





Enjoy your wait!

Eating, Munching, Snacking...

Can you believe how much I can eat these days?! I am shocked by how much I can eat at times... But I think I'm enjoying it! HAH. Like I used to say, I won't go on diet until I see a need to. But I'll also control here and there laa, so that God's temple can still be glorifying!
Char sent me this:

你知道为什么我们不可以饿着肚子睡吗？
（答案很欠扁。。。）


因为。。。







会做“饿”梦！
所以，今晚记得要吃饱饱才睡觉。。。

Actually wanted to do devotions first... But later everyone started complaining hungry, so going for supper instead! HAH. I hope it's somewhere further with nicer ambience. Hmmmm~

But anyway, I'm coming back on track and hope to see rainbow!
Maybe I'm tired of feeling tired, so I'm starting to fall ASLEEP at night without tiring dreams...
With better mind, I can do more for You mah...
Please keep me going like that, all because I want to be someone you'll smile when You see me.
I may not be the most outstanding one, but I just want to be the one just like David.
Someone who served what she was supposed to, and died.
How beautiful... A beautiful life~

Okie, now, I'm going off to heed Char's advice.
I'll "tabao" some if you want! WAHAHAHA...
(I still owe my people bubble-tea :x)

Tues. Still 2006.

Was discussing about cg issues with father yesterday. And though the new idea really bothers me, I won't mind trying it out. Just that I know I will have to make lots and lots and lots of adjustments. Okie, ok, maybe it's just one or two. But they are critical and so important values I carry in life to put down. If you were to ask, I won't be able to convince you how improtant they are to me and I won't be able to describe the weightage I gave them throughout my life. They are little things. (Trust me, very little ones.) Of coz, as I've always say what RW said, "We don't have to see eye to eye to walk hand in hand." That's what I hope I can maintain.

Anyway, I saw a hot-red car this morning. Wha~ It managed to open my closing eyes in the earlt mornning. It was normal car, not too posh nor those with LOUD turboS... "IF" I were to pass my driving test oneday, "IF" I were to get a car oneday, "IF" I find enough areas to to serve God with that car... I will get a hot-red one! Weee~ But Lord, if these are useless daydreams, slap me awake. (Ouch, it hurts -.-")


Holidays for many, work and school still on for some. In anyway, we do everything the best way, for the REAL BOSS who in the end comes giving salary, bonus and retrenchments!
He's strict.
He's scary.
He's knows EVERYTHING.
He's weird at times??
He's always so unexpected.
He asked us to fear Him... And we should. People, don't just love God, fear Him.

Btw, I'm looking forward for a good swim tomorrow.
May all the worries drown in the pool and die forever~
NAH. I'm kidding.

I never like to sound as if the earth stopped rotating. And world is coming to an end.
But somehow, it sounded that way...

Not my fault ehh~

Keep that joy.

Days and days of God's words, lingering around with positive people, talk to Him every moment is what I need now...


What I can't do: BEING ALONE.