0203...

People, I'm sorry for not being able to give my best shot. Be it as a friend or a leader. I owe you much. Thank you for always being so understanding, even when you don't know what's going on... You patiently wait, and sustain me. Let's all look at the Glory of Lord and be delighted that our God, Jesus Christ, has won Sins and Death.

What more can we ask for? We have a God which is forever forgiving, generously open-hearted and heavenly magnificent.



People, keep kicking to stay above water~

I don't understand why I don't understand...

I pray to have the courage to pray to God that my fairy tales never happen...

Because it disrupts God's plans.

But you think it's easy to give up what you want?? Think it's easy to live what you should live up to?! Given the present you, to live a future you?? Striving hard for something which you have to put faith in to understand and something you cannot touch, see, or feel?! You think it's easy?! Huh?? YOU. I'm asking you! Yes, You right here reading. I'm asking if you think it's so easy?! HUH... So easy to be lowered to the bare minium and to humbly follow whatever and EVERYTHING that God says??!?!

If you can, teach me how to.
If you failed, tell me what you did so that I don't do the same.
If you are trying too, tell me so.

So that I don't have to feel like I'm REAL SIN-FULL struggling with all these piles of da4 bian4 I got myself into. Jesus wouldn't. That's why I'll never know WWJD because He'll never allow himself to land in this state I'm in. BOO-HOO~

But hell is far worse off than da4 bian4. And if my Lord can save me from hell, why can't He do the same as I'm stucked in these... Trash?(Trash is a nicer word!) Something positve here~ HAH...

--- --- ---

You know how I wish I know how to share whatever's going inside me? Aiya~ Let me find myself and I'll get CL to explain it clearly what's going on inside her... I need pills to inactivate my mind first. HAH. Sleeping used to be the best runaway. But now, it's no longer useful~ (BLEAH. If I made you feel I'm dying any moment, I'm not! Just some little crazy hormones to release...) Maybe it's time I understand running away is not the best option? Or that I have to find other ways to keep running?

MAN, I HAVE NO IDEAS WHERE MY LOGIC COMES FROM...

I'LL BE BACK IN A MOMENT.

Wait a few years for a godly-designed CL!

Blabberingsss

Who says flatters and sweet nothings don't make a difference?

They do...

That's the worrying part.

(Bury me with the reports I have in hand, please~ someone!)

To all Charisians:

I'm Back!! From all the hours cramping in HZ's little car and from the beautiful beach and comfortable hotel rooms... I'm sure to miss them though~ But, Charisians! You are so fortunate man. The way they have prepared the routes, rooms, time schedules and activities...

WE OUGHT TO LOVE OUR LEADERS!

They have definately gone that extra mile to miximise the enjoyment for our end of year camp.

Mushi has the "Is this the best?" for every decision made.
Mummy and Zhenni always asked "Is this the cheapest?" for every finance budgeting required.
Anthony, Ah Sun, HZ and Sam have their maps, brochures and leaflets ready at ALL times, living the "What's more?" attitude.
Shimu, Mary, Auntie Anna and me always support whenever we can. Well, I'm proud of what I did! I stayed awake to look out for toilets, to see if we've lost any of the following cars or to run errands...

There are more to discuss after all the fun and enjoying work. Seriously, the more I know about our church's financial records, the more thanks-giving I give to God. Most Charisians are faithful in their tithings and I believe that was the reason why we always manage to scrap-through each year~ God's grace and mercy falls upon those who made Him smile by being faithful. So people, remember it's always wise to give more to God. Have you ever given more than you can? That's when God will bless you more than what you can handle! WOW... How great and awesome is our Lord! 0203, we are poor people, but you know something? Our God loves to use the smallest and weakest of all He has to do great things no one ever dare to dream of! But, it comes together with FAITH.

I've realised over recent years that there are many "little foxes" in us and outside us trying their very best to try break us up. These foxes may be some habits, money or materials, some lousy values, some characters, some are people around us... Always those things/people who can affect us a fair bit. Don't pray that these foxes don't bug you, God uses them to train us! But pray for the strength to IDENTIFY these foxes. Then pray that we have the strength to OVERCOME them!

If our God is for us, who can be against us? Only ourselves... We can be against God if we choose to.

Don't say "Use Me" if we haven't calculate the sacrifices needed to carry our crosses and follow Jesus.

(Get your calculators NOW~)

A retreat tmr...

Leaving tomorrow... For the MINES Resort! 0203, I'll get you people things la k! And Xinyi and LQ too, I think you both deserve the best that I can get there: My photos taken there! WAHAHA~ Priceless k! You think what? Money can buy my face on paper?? So you have to smile... Hee!

Okie... Seriously, I hope to do something constructive there. I want to help. I want to be a part in all the rewards God's preparing! I hope I can do something which people can benefit from it... Preparing coffee for them in meetings? Try to stay awake in car and keep a look out for the routes? Fight for supper for all of us?! HAH. I don't have to, my dad will initiate it himself! :x

I feel very (I mean super) fortunate to be in this current family I'm in. We've just started a new way of doing devotion.
My mum suggested it.
My dad's pushing it.
I'm supporting it.
My bro's dreading it.

See the cycle? HAH. But's it's really good, especially like the QnA time after every chapters~ My dad have to check out few doctrines since then! But, as usual, I'm always amazed by his speed of answering... My mum and I love it when he fails to answer our questions! Hahaha~ Retarded huh?!

Hmm...

I shall build something like this in the near future...

Equations that balanced up!

Credits to Ezz and Eileen for my snack of the day... "Send this to a smart woman who needs a laugh and to a smart guy you know can handle these." Please exit this post if you aren't relaxed and humorous or that you aren't smart enough to handle this, k! HAH. HAH.

Ready?? Here you go:

A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.



(I didn't say I agreed to all that I've posted above! Just for your entertainment...) People, that's another reason to love using God's love! If not, your relationships with people will be hay-wired~ Let's practise turing the other cheek for the ones who dislike!

My HP's back~

Guess what? I'm getting back my hp later! WAHAHAHA... My teacher called yesterday to say someone returned and I've got to collect it from her later today.

Remembered LX once jokingly said that God must have especially sent an angel to look after my belongings. Coz I don't understand why they are always running away from me... Esp my hp and wallet... Now I wonder if it's true! Hahaha~ But I think because He knows I'm broke for the whole of August and that He wants to give me a bonus? I'm really grateful for the person who returned it. However, if you haven't taken it out from my bag, it could have saved all the trouble. Still, I salute you for your bravery to return though you intended otherwise initially.

You've helped both me and yourself! You helped me financially(I don't have $ to buy YF's new model -.-") and you helped yourself build a better character(One step being more like Jesus)! Wish I can meet up with you for a cup of coffee or so someday~ Anyway, didn't I say it's a bonus to get it back? I'm going to express the thankfulness to God in someways I can think week. Mum always remind me to be a grateful person. And I want to, too.

Bye black box... Sob sob sob~

Hope my mummy reads this... Because... ... ...

I've lost my hp. Today. Oh~ ya, again.

Why did I ever trust the MALE security and never thought that some thieves are FEMALE and theft cases do happen in the FEMALE TOILET? Hmm... Let me explain here. Not much to do with forgetfulness this time. Just that I should take more precaution. Prevention is ALWAYS better than cure!

Remember I said about the "star-craze" we went through just now? And after that, we decided to go gym. In gym, I was smsing Mel, so that means I still have it with me right? -..-" (Just to confirm...) So after gym, we came out of gym and noticed there is an examination going on at the Hall 1level below us. The view was spectacular! I took some pics of it. So that means I s.t.i.l.l. have the hp with me right? And then we left the sports complexe. And went to the Females for bath. Now, here's my mistake. I left my bag(and everything that's inside) on the bench while we were all in the shower rooms. Boo Hoo me. After shower, after walking out of the toilet and when we almost reach another block, my sixth sense told me something's not right. (Yea~ My sixth sense is always slow, somehow...) So I touch around my bag and TADA DATA! HP MISSING!

So we raced back to find. We traced back all the places we've been. The moment Shirely calls my hp and her face shows the "DIE, it's off" face, I knew it. Sa-yo-na-ra... But still, I reported lost at the admin office. Thanks to the admin stuff who double-assured me that it's a Sa-yo-na-ra case. o.O I am sad k! Well, not very la... But still, I'll miss the ding-dongs, the rrriiiinnnnggggS and all that the small black box contains. Well, just hope that the person who "found" (But I'll insist it's steal...) will be encouraged by whatever's inside. HAH. He/she should!(Shouldn't be a HE bah... Females toilet? He??) Because I do re-read my msges and still find them encouraging! If she can returns, it'll be a bonus!

I have to move on. So now, it's:
1. How to tell mummy without being nagged TOO long?
2. What's the next hp model to buy?

S-O-S!!! :S

Wake up, Shirley...

SHIRLEY IS MAD.

Cao Guo Hui came to our school, went in our BSU unit and everyone went crazy. And we were updating the data halfway when he came and wanted to wait for his crew to get ready in air-conditioned room, our unit is the nearest... Ya, he came in and lots of people went to take photos. And I've gotta help Shirley take photo with him~ Yea... I dislike doing these kinda stuffs. But because it's S-H-I-R-L-E-Y and her craziness, I gave in.

Well, they are still chatting while I feel a little weird there, so decided to come back to my comp to blog... Since I can't update the data alone -..- Even my malay friends are there.

I should say that he's really polite and friendly. He excuses himself to talk to his crew and came back to take photos with us-.-" He smiles and speaks to us in mandrine... No matter what, remember what HZ used to say, "They also have two eyes, one mouth. Just that theirs are nicer." How true. But, isn't that enough to make a difference to people in our strawberry generation?? Looks would be our trust, love, care and friendliness' FOUNDATION. That's why ladies put on foundations? And men nowadays are following too??

Oh, CRAP. I'm nuts. Just don't like the way people drool about stars. Hope I don't drool over these kinda happenings until I really hold a star in my hand. Fly me to the moon and back... HAH.


Anyway, I've decided to become a nun soon... Hairstyle. Hope I wouldn't regret too much! Try to be supportive and control your weird looks if you see me bald, people. HAHA~


(Will update Shirley's photo later yea? She approved!)

zzzZZZzzz

Maybe we should stop discussing about insommia? Mum and dad's getting bit worried. I'm FINE LAA... Just some dumb dumb dreams and unecessary thoughts. So it's nothing worth any discussion, REALLY. Just be with me in prayers? Praying that all Christians get enough rest so that their health are testimonies?

If you aren't convince that I'm not that troubled as you think, discuss my problem with me? Thanks for all your concern people. :)

I'll sleep today, promise.
But you'll have to pray that CL gets ASLEEP long enough! Haha~

Use me

I don't know why I cry so easily these days...

When I hear an elderly can't walk.
When I see friend's dad past away.
When I see people's hidden sorrows.
When I tell God I love Him.
When I read the Bible.
When I think of our new believers.
When mum ask me if I want to work full time.
When I massage my grandma and feel her bonny back.
When I think of my youths.
When I make vows to God.
When I think of people I love.
When I walk home alone and see people selling tissues.

I finally realise that there are more to life,only because there's God.
He amases me in everyway He can.
He encourages me like no one does.
He hits me hard, right on the spot where no one discovers.
Then show me His healing power on the wound which hurts.
He dries my tears.
But now, He's teaching, me to wet my eyes and start getting into lives.

I'm most willing to. Use by You in anyway.

Don't distant from me.

Is your burden as you bear it all alone?
Does the road you travel harbor dangers yet unknown?
Are you growing weary of the struggle of it all?
Jesus will help you, when on His name you call.

He is always there, hearing every prayer faithful and true.
Walkig by our side, His love we all hide, all the day through.
When you are tired just remember what to do.
Reach out to Jesus, He's reaching out to you.

Is the life you are living filled with sorrow and despair?
Does the future push you with its weight and its care?
Are you tired and famished?
Jesus will help you, just come to Him today.

Be transformed by trouble is what I've always prayed throughout my life.
Help me reach out to You.
Make me want to reach out to You.

No matter how suprising your troubles may be, God expected and allowed it. So don't worry. Anything He allowed, He'll take care and settle them well.

No matter how bad or hopless you may think your problems are, there's nothing God can't do to them! So don't worry, He's still in charge until the day you ask Him not to...

Going?

Do I know where I'm heading to? I know where I HAVE TO head to, but am I going the same direction? Or just the exact opposite? Okie, okie... If I'm not in the right direction, do I know how to U-turn safely? Or will I get some bumps and bruises here and there in the process of changing directions? It's not easy afterall, to change what you always believe in, what you've always hope for, what you've always trust...

How did I get myself into all these? Why me? I mean, You could have let other people experience that what... But, also because it's me, I felt honored. So now you feel like killing me? Hah, I've always been contradicting. But still, I feel proud to be used by You, and testify Your work, in a weird way... But Lord, make me sleep well. Because I'm afraid I'll do silly things which will hurt others, and damage the glory of Your name. I don't want that to happen. So God, if You allowed this to happen, please be with me. Help me do it Your-way, not mine. And guide me through so I can draw near You, and bring people around me to You too.

Hmm... I've learnt this: Instead of waiting and hoping for a godly pastor, should I seek such a prestigious and honorable involvement in the Kingdom of God, myself?

God, please nod...

What's in it today?

What's in your email inbox? How many % of it belongs to things which God will smile when He sees? Hmm... Here's mine for yesterday and today so far:


1. A note from Weixiang which taught me: Lipsticks contain lead which causes cancer. I be more aware of YSL products next time~ But currently, it doesn't bother me. Hah.

2. Babyweekly updating their promotions. Ok, I have to confess that I'm irritated by their emails. It all started because of a lie I made. Ok, yea, I lied. Sorry. Was browsing through a websites of babies names. Then to access further, you have to type in that you're pregnant and your spouse and your names... ALSO my email add laa! Now I have to help them delete mails...

3. Tests, tests, tests... And they always claims they are super accurate. How can all claim to be accurate but telling different thing of a person? Or do I have spilt-personalities?? Thanks people anyway~

4. Chain letters. People, you can die your heart on this. I never believe anyone of them. I already don't forward those caring, lovely, "sweet" messages, what more chain letters?! Well, but enjoyed some of the cooked up stories though~

5. Funny pics, comics. Nice seneries, buildings, people. Lame poses, shots, angles. Even from people I don't know. But I enjoy these. Brings new inspirations to my day, or sketch books...

6. Reminders from friendster, birthday alarms... LQ! I remembered your b'day MYSELF k!

7. Nice sharings and inspirations from different people. Especially nice if it's from own quiet times. I steal sources for God's word weekly.

8. Subscribed messages from Bible. Some are really inspiring! The tittle can hit you hard enough. I steal from here too!


These are what I get each day I get in my mailbox... Boring? Not so when you aren't that free to enjoy ALL sorts of mails.

Can't slleeeep!

I can't sleep AGAIN. God, You've gotta help me!If I'm not going to sleep today, I'm going to pass out tomorrow, I think. Further more, I thought taking the medication can make me drowsy thus can sleep better? -..- It doesn't work lor...

Maybe Xinyi will know why bah? Hah. I don't know why I always tell you everything. Maybe you charmed me?? I think it's because when I need to talk, your face tells me: "Anything I can help?" And so I will end up bugging you... Haha~ Anyway, it's nice sharing with you. I'm still trying to figure out why I just love telling you stuffs, but at the mean time, continue listening to my blabberings, k!

There are so much "shocks" we have to go through in life. So many disagreements with people you love, so many misunderstandings we care waiting to be resolved... So much awaits me to do it the Jesus-way! And how many have I done it the Jesus-way?

I was packing my room today. The posters are peeling off, the photos need new updates.(Chengmin wasn't that skinny anymore. :x) So many changes to be made. So I pulled down all the "babies", verses, encouraging words, photos, drawings... Hoping I'll have time to rearrange and put them all up again before TQ uses my room this saturday. I found some letters, some writings, some drawings, some poems, some small gifts and a song(yea, a song-.-") from different people. It felt rather fun to re-read them! At some point of time, I can actually SEE you people and HEAR you in the letters! Haha, scary ehh?!

Sometimes I feel that people close to me understand me more than I do. Some of them see things which I didn't, then. And a BIG THANK YOU!!!! To them. All your intentions are deeply appreciated.

Now that we may have parted, and went on own ways, just remember. The memories we've had, are all still vivid and fresh in the most forgetful person---That's me! I didn't want to store them in my mind, just in case, I forget again. I store all of "US" in my heart. I may forget the details, but I remember the closeness we shared.

Friends,
I'm not rich, wealthy or really kind or loving all the time, but there's something which I want to share with you. Not because I heard it was good, or I think it'll be good to you... But because I've experienced it. That's God's love.
The best gift for you in return of all the kindness you've showered me is: Jesus.
I can't be anywhere near you when you're in trouble or when you just need a pat on your shoulders or a voice to say "Everything will be fine."... But Jesus is more than God. He's a friend to me! And I hope you accept Him as one and find real joy in life.
We all need Jesus.

Changing and changing...

I don't want to believe I've changed.
Looking at the clothes I bought, haha...
I know, I have.

Hopefully, for the better.

The Asset, best Gift from Above...

Ashely, you are real fortunate, to have a blog even before you know what computer is! Your parents welcomed you into the world with great delight and introducing you to the whole church... You were surrounded by many strangers before you can even recognise your parents from the crowd. (Maybe they weren't even there? Busy with church stuffs maybe?)But you are most fortunate to be in a Christian family... Your dad may not sing very beautifully(OPPS!), but your mum do! Your mum may not be as playful with you in future, dun worry. Your dad definately is! He'll go all out to buy you toys, coz he'll understand you like nobody will when one is deprived of toys. Well, I fought hard for you to come and worship us since you've longed passed your curfew of a month old... We're still trying to find a way, don't worry! Hang on there~

Well, carrying and playing with a baby is fun and great. But I wonder how I feel when I carry Mine one fine day. When you know that you are another being's PARENTS. It's so ... WOW. Can we handle that little peep? I once thought what if God gave us a limbless life into the family, will we still say "Thank you, Lord" when we see him/her? Or will I turn away from the baby and let the poor fellow face his/her life's FIRST rejection---from his/her own mum? But I believe, no matter what, I'll surrender the baby to God, just like how Abraham did. In the end, I want the best for my child. And best is found in God. He defines "best" a weird way, we never understand... Best is when you're used by God, fulfilling own's life purpose. That's best.

Hmmm... What if I don't even have a family in future?
What if God has planned other things in my life instead?
What if I'll never get to use the babies' names I thought and planned of?
What if God intended me to be childless?
Or not even gotten married?
My plans to build my family not used?
My ideas to suprise my spouse cannot be put into action?
What if I don't even get to live to the age of 20?... ... ... ...
Of all the "what if"s, there's only one thing which I request:

The Lord be with me, wherever, whenever, whatever I am in.
You be the source of my strength.

If my God is for me, so who can be against me?