Freed~

Some highlights for today.
Brother gave me the dumbest "Horlicks" cap. He got it free and so he decorated it with liquid paper with "cool" wordings like, No Rules... And asked me to wear to meet boyfriend -.- Since when has someone told him I have one?! Then went yiqi's house, ate ice-cream and pineapple. And sang the heartless song~ Haha, quite fun actually, but still... Bad of us laaa! Went badminton, talked to zhenghang. And oh ya! There's a mentally disabled man[used to be in my parents' TQ] who keeps interupting our conver. Still claimed that he carried me before?! Duh, how can my parents be so careless?? I'll forgive them, coz I'm worse. I lost a book that I borrowed. That Rick Warren book... Arrrggghhh~ Not being to finish it is bad enough, what made it worse was that I have to buy one to return to her...

To: You, I really appreciate the truthful you. Although it hurts to know the truth, but at least it's something deep down from you. Isn't it good for the both of us? Honesty is the best policy. :) Now, I feel like an uncaged bird! :D

Devotion:
Luke 22:54-62 Is Peter faithful? As a human being, I think he was. Even though he denied God. His love for God still stands, just that in moment of weaknesses and fear, he fell. This shows how weak human's faithfulness is. Who can actually count on me? I think less than 7 people ba. Why should we be faithful? Well, Proverbs 25:19 says, "Like a bad tooth or a lame foot is reliance on the unfaithful in times of trouble." It simply means that unfaithful people are a pain to others! Wow~ I've always been a pain?! t.t Sorry... When Peter promised that he wouldn't deny God at the table, he meant it. Just like when I promised certain things to be done at first, I meant it to be completed. But somewhere in me, the evil; lazy and forgetful me, just put thoses promises at the back of my mind. Sometimes what I promised my brother that I'll buy for him didn't even register in my mind. It's just to get him to stop nagging. Being faithful is a tough homework to learn, but we all gotto learn it fast. Coz God tells us to be faithful Now! Daddy once said: "Over-promising is actually lying."

I want to be faithful! To my parents, friends, church, and future spouse... I want to stand by them in times of need. Lord, teach me how to be faithful in all areas. How I manage time, money and my abilities... If I need pinches from You from time to time, pinch me to remind that You're right here beside me, watching my every move.

This is the end of my 2nd day of my new start. Not too bad after all~

Back to my Land

Well, it's always nice to be back home, I guess. I kind of miss my bed, my table and my wardrobe... But the long days in Thailand wasn't that bad too. Just that I constantly keep myself entertained coz my pace of life is not as slow as them -.- So when they're tired, I still feel like shopping, or when they want to head for food, I hope I can stay there longer to play with the kidos~

After this trip, the need to faithfully evangelise is the homework. It's so easy to do street evangelism today and back to old life tomorrow. Who can stay faithful in the work of Lord, makes Him smile and nod. Faithfulness is not being consistent, but always improving but the intention and main objective never changes! Rick Warren said that if someone is most of the time faithful, that person is not faithful AT ALL. Expectation of faith is very rigid. Abit of stain spoils it all. Gosh, the more I type, the more I lose faith in being a faithful person... :X

Anyway, I have just realised in dept that we really shouldn't judge people by their outlook or what they may seems to potray themselves as. I believe in justice and I know eventually, everything will show and the stroy will tell. So better start doing all things with the right intentions! If not... Wha~ However, no matter how scary the truth is, don't we still want the truth fast? And then slowly digest the terror! Haha~

Man, I made a decision yeaterday at the airport of Chiang Mai. Serious one and I hope I won't fall back into it. And I know it wouldn't be easy, that's why it took me so long to come to this conclusion. Whatever it is, here's the new me!!!

Watch out. The new version of chengling is back. CL2 is going to blast you off! Wwhaha~

Internet cafe in Thailand

There are lots of things that I've long wanted to blog, but always didn't have a chance to. Not because there're not enough internet cafes, but because I can't blog with people around. Don't ask why, I don't know. Maybe should rattle a few things here?

Everything's fine. Can see that God's servants are faithfully doing God's work. There's something I learnt today. That is, it isn't a bad thing even if children of God evangelise with wrong intention. I've always thought that when you evangelise, the intention in you counts. But nope. Although you may not get the rewards deserved, but the Spirit still works in with you because we are not worthy enough to affect another's salvation. And I've been reading Rick Warren's book: The power to change your life, in this trip. Usually before sleep. Books always make me feel sleepy, but not this one. The more I read, the more my mind whirls and think! [I'm more assured I want to marry his son... Opps!] He was talking about the Spirit of Fruit and the nine "flavours" in the fruit. Three of the "flavours": Patience, Kindness and Love.

I did said that I really dislike waiting. Rick Warren really stabbed ny studborn and self-centred heart completely. His bullets left no room for any excuses or even reasons to be impatient. He says that patience is the BASIC of christian life. We are always waiting. Waiting for what we sow to reap. in is time! He says that the most terrible wait is when we are in a hurry and when God is taking His own sweet time. AGREE! It's a torture to me man! But I start enjoying waiting, but must be worthwhile laaa...

Kindness. An important homework I learnt is: what the most unkind people need is kindness. And kindness makes a person looks dumb many a times, I like the example he gave to describe a kind father. He looks silly to be excited to see a caterpillar crawling, when he sees his son amazed over that little creatuire. Pretending to be excited and rejoy with his children makes him a kind dad. I have a very kind dad. Each time he talks to my bro in children language, he looks super dumb, but kindly dumb. Can you find people who are willing to be kibdly dumb just to share what people around them feel? Rick Warren says they are pieces of gold, rare and precious.

Next Love. He says we do not have to like everyone around us, but we have to LOVE them. Yes, he's trying to be funny. One more thing he said went into my head is that we cannot say we're "falling in love". That's a irresposible statement. He says that love is a choice, and it is controllable. People find it uncontrollable because they don't the reason why they love certain thing, people, or food?! But that doesn't mean we're out of the control in love. "Falling" gives an idea that the person has no choice and is in no control when they fall. So, it's not a responsible statement. You get it? We walk into love, willingly. Not fall in love.

Ok, gotta go NOW. Dad has been spying from afar seems he's freezing in MacDonalds. I'm definately going to write more when I reach home. Watch out, I'll be back.

KkKkKkKkKsssss

Just came back from Malaysia and realised that my email was read by my cousin... Duh~ But glad that she said before I asked. Don't know how many people have I given my password to when I needed help with the comp in the PAST. Past. =p Yea~ It's past! Make sure those who know don't do silly things and be caught! And better own up~ ^^

Anyway, the trip was enjoyable and I find myself so into children this whole camp. -.-" Buying stickers became my aim in shopping trips... I like making them happy. When they are amused, surprised, curious, happy and playing crazily, I'm glad with them! Keegan and Kayson really stole my heart away~ Not forgetting Rebecca who is like the little auntie in the market... :X Ahaha~

Well, the way they bathed was really funny, and I was surprised I laughed out loud at the comp screen when told the story... [whahahawhahaha]I can picture Kayson forgetting that he have to take off his clothes before bath. He must have suffered forgetful sydrome and always not very fast to react, unlike his bro Keegan. Now, I can only hope that they come church tomorrow~

And one thing I learnt in this trip is not to think about self and the time we can spend together is precious and we cannot afford to sleep it away, or crap time away. [Unless crap talking is the only way to build bonds...] Anyway, being truthful is very important and sharing of thoughts really is what Christians should be doing. Because God never like loner-heros. He wants us to win the battle as a family, a group, a church!

Let's learnt to live a church life afresh~

messy...

Feeling bad. I just quarreled with someone so far. Want to piak that fellow also cannot reach... Duh. Never mind, my youths never fail to perk my Spirit up~[Neither do they fail to bring it down at times, haha...] We're going for trekking and shopping at Malaysia! My mum was fast to remind me that I should not spend too much if I want to buy more in Thailand. Smart lady... I was never her match since young~

Sometimes I'm too slow to catch things, maybe that's a blessing. Ohh, how I wish I can be forever dumb and numb so as to hurt lesser. But will that mean that I enjoy lesser in life?? Or evangelising productivity will decrease?? If that's so, I would rather hurt more now.

Before I face the cruel reality at 6am, let my body take a break now. I need it.

Crazy crazy crazy~

Guess what! I have one of my lamest wish fulfilled yesterday~[now is already 1.05am, 11th Mar]Being in the rain with my family, yea, like the past. And we did it in the late afternoon! People walking past us were like: "Is this family out of their minds?! Why is the father carrying a ladies handbag and mother, so neatly dressed soaked AND their 2 mad kids kicking roadside water at each other?!" Yes, we are the crazy family. So what? We are happily crazy!

Daddy suggested we take the longer way home. And it was so much longer. Almost to one of our church friend's house~ But that was the most brillant idea! =p And there we are, like drunkards, laughing and playing all the way... As usual, my mum and her "R" rated jokes. Wwwweeeee, pure fun!

My future family's going to be alot crazier. Happily crazy. If my children promise to take care and not to fall sick for 2months, a "rainy bladding trip" for them? Wow~ Basically, I'll allowed it because I also want the fun. Hee! Mopping floor by flooding the whole house?! Who says you can't force all those lazy dads to do house chores? Just flood their feet below their computer table and bet they'll join in the splashings with the kids... Ok, wild thoughts. Again.

Anyway, I saw something that annoys me. Baby prams which allows the baby to face only their parents, if not, the ones pushing the pram. Don't steal the privillege of babies seeing the world k! You think all they want is to see their parents' faces?! Nannies faces? I think if they know how to speak, they'll say: "Push me with your back facing me. If not, push the the other way." Sometimes over-protective parents are so irritating. I feel sorry for their kids, having to be limited to so little childhood experiences... [Haiz, kids, I appogise on behalf of your parents~ Don't blame them. They are true Grown-Ups.]

I have this baby poster in my room. "If you can give your child only one gift, let it be enthusiasm." How true! Do you know of any "old" babies? No motivation to spoil things? No urge to grab the eye catching "Do not touch" labelled bottle? No reaction whatsoever towards new environment, new faces? They are the boring babies that I hope I'll never meet. Enthusiasm in life is very important. And only with the heat to live on, can you live life to the fullest. Remember to give dosages of enthusiasm to your child everyday by putting them into your prayer list TODAY. Who say you can't pray for unknown, unborn people that you are going to meet? I have 3letters for my future kidos already~ [Mad, I know...]

Tomorrow is a long day, time to head for bed!

Head-count!

Hey, have to say that something happened today that is worth me happy over the weekends! [that's if nothing trash on it~]Someone whom I thought never knew what being thankful is all about said "Thks" to me over sms!!! *clap-clap* Lalala Laaalaaalaaa~ People are growing and spiritually also! Hope this is just a start.

Youth years are the only time you can chiong till midnight and still can't fall asleep when you get home, squat outside 7-11 with cup noodles and friends after roaming around, skip school and crank out the most dumb excuse to your teacher the next day...I'm not going to surrender playing to the max till I'm 87! Maybe the most exciting thing I can do is to catch a bus with my spouse, ANY bus, and taking it to the interchange and back again? I hope I'll never like to rot at home! That's why I envy my grandparents, always full of ideas...

But, what makes a trip, or something you do joyful is still linked to God. If whatever you do is building His kingdom, and you pleased Him, the smile and joy just comes. You don't even have to find them! Serving Him full time? If I have the privillege to... My father always remind me to think and feel for others before self, that's ministering people. And obviously, I always tend to do the exact opposite.
After all: To handle self, use your brain. To handle others, use your heart.

Today, read Psalms 1:1-6 once more. And still serves a strong reminder to me. The power of His Word never stops reaching out to grab people's attention. I should have done more during my graduation night, why didn't I cease the chance leh?? Why? Oh ya! "Why" is the tittle of an oldies and which really supports my motto: Keep love simple. Not boring, but simple. Hehe, go find this song when you're free! You don't need beautiful english or long long ang-mor words to show-off in the way you express yourself. When you really do, it shows. Remember the heart-talking I once posted about? That's about it.

But now, prepare for the battle! Don't fall, keep an alert mode. If you wonder what's all this for, my motivation: For my blessed life after youth. What's your motivation? Make sure you find yours...

Swords drawn, shields sealed, and ready for combat!

Joy!

I did myself a fruit-meal for breakfast! [since daddy and mummy went ahead for breakfast when I was brushing my teeth~] Peaches and Strawberries! The peaches were much nicer than strawberries. I sat down on my sofa, on the TV to hunt for nice programmes. Channel U, dunnoe what Super Star thingy... Switch. Channel 8, Taiwan shows... Switch. Channel 12, Discovery channel about the Nile river... Switch. This time to my all time favourite channel 22! Yea~ And it did not fail me! BADMINTON~ Women; singles; championship. Well, although I watched it before, but don't mind watching it over again.[Since I've forgotten who won -.-"]

Anyway, an ice-cream man came. Door to door sale, mind you! Tedious. Old man. I bought three ice-creams from him, thinking that Suya and Liqin coming later, so can give them one each... And my fat bro too. Haha! Don't ask me why I didn't get myself one, coz just not in mood for ice-creams~ Back to the uncle, I remembered how my mum used to give $10 to the old woman collecting cardboards, giving chinese new year goodies tins to indians painting our blocks, a packet of drink for the one washing our corridors... I was thinking of trying something similar, blessing others.

I looked around my house, cracking for ideas. And I realised there's not much things appropriate. So, I grabbed a packet of soft drink and a $10 note to buy the $4.80 ice-creams. And I told him to keep the change and he looked surprised, looking at me wanting to reconfirm what I said. So I smiled and said "God Bless", in mandrine of coz... I closed the door as he thanked me and walked away shyly.

Amazingly, the joy of doing something kind that blesses others is overwhelming! More joy than having spare cash to catch another movie, more than buying more fishes to fill my tank, more than having new clothings... I read this somewhere:

"You cannot be kind, until you are habitually kind."

Well, my next aim: Be habitually kind. And this will start from giving seats to needy on the MRT on my way to drum lesson later!!! ^^

Man, I'm still so far from being ready for God to use. We can't say that we're for God until we're ALL for Him! God, you gotta use me...

If not, what's more worth living for?

duh

Tomorrow have drum class. Duh. I really dread going. Not that I don't enjoy the "lesson" part, but the travel time is ssssooooo long! And I dislike travelling alone~ Promise I'll remember to bring a book with me, so that I don't waste time dozing off on and off... And to recap whatever that has been taught previously in those drum lessons![Ohh, have I learnt anything?!] Haha~

Man, someone's stepping on my nerves and by asking dumb questions each time I meet him online. I mean, you can use your brain for those questions that you've asked. Further more, asking for advices on things that he have already made up mind for~ DUH! I'm not too busy, but neither am I available this way... What's most irritating is that I can't don't reply him, if not, he'll feel hurt, rejected, doubting and blah blah blah, the list goes on and on. Majiam girl. Aiyo, men out there, what has happened to the homones God put in Adam?![ok ok, I know that I'm no very lady-like too...]

Anyway, maybe must sleep early early today, since I haven been sleeping well these days~ But in anyway, I have my sixth-sense telling me that somethings' not very right out there. But what? I don't know... Hopefully can "sense" more in my dreams?! Hahaha~

Doing chores!

Yea~ It's raining over here! And maybe can have myself drenched before mummy comes back?! Hehe...

Anyway, I did ALOT of chores today. Felt like an old lady washing and sweeping here and there. But I know, as soon as saturday comes, everything will be back to normal. -.- But I've always been thinking, will I be as generous as my parents to open my house for all sorts of gatherings and meetings, giving house keys to church members and providing the house as an extra store room for the church. That's a challenge to me. For those out there who can tahan a messy house, that's a different thing all together, k!

But I know clearly that God teaches us to share EVERYTHING that we can. Including the salt and pepper on our shelves. Including the floor space. Including electricity bills that we are going to bear. He wants us to share like a family. Can I do it? Well, I have to consider real hard. For my own nature, that's of coz a "NO". That's not because I don't like my house to be filled of people[I like that!], but it's the after-work that's left behind.

I was complaining how dirty the house was[the other time...] when my dad told me not to clean up if it's so tedious. I can't. Walking in the house and stepping on small dirts and dust here and there is a torture to me. I'll use all the energy that's left in me to clean the house up. I hope I can live in a messy environment too... Then, I don't have to end up cleaning up myself. O.o"

But today was especially quiet, me alone at home, no body walking here and there when the floor is wet, I finished all chores in 5hrs time!! Including the maggie mee lunch~ Hmmm, let's see how long this cleaniness can last! :)

Feeling helpless~

Today was fruitfully empty. I went out with ex-classmates and realised that we had little in common. Not that we have nothing to say, but not really meaningful things were done.[Basically, we were crapping most of the time...] Hmm, maybe I should train my EQ more?! Haha~ But some many brought bfs and they were busily talking among themselves. When they finally realised that I was FOLLOWING them like a child, will they turn and talk to me. -.-" Thanks for the sympathy~

Anyway, I want to say something that has been bothering me these days. Something that has been going around in my cg especially. So, IF you happen to be my cger, and reading this, hope you guys understand...

Let's start from the conversation I had yesterday. That's when I realised my sheep HAD, yes HAD, a gf for sometime. Well, I really appreciated the truth, more than anything else. But can't these all not happen at all? I mean, clean records of gfs or bfs. Aren't you excited about it?! Keeping all your first-times for the one you eventually are going to marry? Just because of impatience will we give up our commitment? We just need to focus and have time to think twice,thrice. I believe, by the time you weight the consequenses and the importance, right decision should be made.

Only if you wait to think, only if you see Jesus in your mind. Everything will be different. It's nothing big, that's why it matters so much to me, cause it's a small matter. Very often, we are led away by the smallest call from satan and that can make us lose alot in the battle. These small failures trash our faith hard enough to make us fall deep. That's why I mind. And that's why you guys should mind too!

I hope I can be with you through this journey. That's if you allow me to. Tell you this, you are not the only one struggling. He, she, they, us, I am and are all in the same boat! So don't think you're fighting this alone. Let me see how to bring the message across, k. [And perhapes you can suggest some ideas how to??] I promised that I'll not be overwhelmed by startling news... But don't surprise me too often, my pulse is already 105 in normal days.

However, I shouldn't and wouldn't be the reason why you should live holy. Find your reasons for you to live holy. Your motivation, your spiritual stimulis. And for now, I choose to believe that things are going to get better. I did a personality test when I was in secondary, and it stated that I need tons of recognitions to work well.

Can you promise me that everything will be fine?
Please, assure me. Because you all are dear to me.

Luke 23:34

Now I know how my body works. When moody: do devotion, do a "all to You" prayer then go sleep. Yea~ That will be the way! And it really works! Cold here, so cold that I'm shievering, can you believe it?! Ohh, I saw a crokroach at my doorway in the evening, so I persuaded my mum to on my room's aircon, then I can close my door. Thanks to my dad. Always so helpful~ Haha! But switching it off as soon as I finish this message, my fishes are freezing, I think...

Do you know why people let their anger grow to become hatred? Because they replay the incident, the conversation, the hurt, the insult in their minds over and over again. These build the anger in us and CAN go out of control! Well, I read a Bible verse yesterday during devotion, Luke 23:34. And will always remember. This is how merciful and gracious our Lord is. He's always there watching over, even when we shake His hands off ours.

This is the role model of forgiveness. Note, immediately Jesus said that prayer for them, His clothes were torn by the guards whom He just prayed for! Wonder if He felt "DUH, I just prayed for YOU!". But for sure, He must have felt disgusted. A holy man, someone who has never experinced sinning has become a "world-class" sinner. Someone who bears the consequences of ALL SINS. Do you still remember how you felt when you did something sinful for the first time?! The feeling can make you go down on knees and cry for hours, isn't it? I felt stained and disgusted too, that's why Jesus must have felt that too...

Hah, thought of a song: The first cut is the deepest. Jesus must be feeling millions and billions of discomfort, after all the beatings and insults served upon Him. But, He felt bad because His Father has turned away from Him, too. Do you know that the departure of someone you have always held dearly to can bring mental disorder easily? In human being, the highest stress level factor in a person is usually death of spouse. [Those unsual people who are simply glad that their marriage vow is over is not normal...] Father has turned His eyes aways from His beloved Son, because of us.

God, teach me how to have a wider heart, more love, deeper understanding for a wider range of people. Only then, can my faith not be easily shaken by the tiny pebbles that Satan plant on my path. I want to be deeply involved in Your work and please use me. I want to do great things for You, if not, always let me have a chance to help directly in the area of Evangelising. Give me wisdom and courage. And the guide me to become pleasing to Your eyes~

I just want to please You alone.

Direct me

I hope I was a robot at times. All mechanic, battery operated and not able to control myself. It'll run as it was instructed, behaved as it was told and dies when battery finishes~ By then, everything that happened will not be my fault and I'll be clear of blames! Haha, FAT HOPE. But why don't God make us more obidient in nature? Why don't He just control us with His remote and we'll all do as He says? Because God wants us to do it willingly? He wants us to do things that comes from our hearts? Duh...

But I hope things will be so different especially so when I don't know the best solution out yet. Maybe God can be my superman? Haiz, He will prefer to see how I settle, just like Nanny Macphee. And only pops in slowly in the last minute... Slowly. I definatlely don't like it. But I know that I need to learn and grow. Sometimes it takes so much effort to do things right but being a little careless and blur can destroy all hard work.

You never understand how it feels excatly. Just like I don't understand how it feels inside you too. Sometimes I hope I was never in that ring, better still, out of the picture. Struggling like a frog that has fallen into a bowl of milk. I have to kick, and kick, and kick, to free myself... And when milk turns into butter, I'm done. Jump out of the bowl!!! But, as for now, I'm losing the will to kick and struggle. I need my cg with me. Right now, all that I need is to tell Jesus... Quietly.

That He can come fast to see me~

Getting out of routine

Life is a routine. It has to be. Going to work, going to meals, bathing and seeing the same familiar faces each day at work, school or at home. You can't say "Don't feel like eating today" or "I want to skip my bath today". They must be accomplished. But many people, because of that feel less energetic, knowing that everything's going to be the same tomorrow. You can do the same chores daily, but of different methods! It's really up to us to create new tries in life. They not necessary has to be really big difference, but just a slight twist can change a day!

Tried jogging to your school? Work place? Tried waking up 6am, when you don't have to, just to walk to the nearest bus stop just to watch students going to school? Or if you are going to school that early, have you realise how cold is the morning breeze? Any idea how a greet from us can affect the bus driver for the day? Leaving the change to the old taxi driver who complains that the economy is bad? Tried sitting down and staying awake to dream of your future? What old man or old lady you'll be like? What names would you name your children?[My son: Jonas! Meaning capable in Hebrews...] Who have you forgotten to encourage that day? Cooking something for everyone, especially your grandma n mum? Sparing a $2 note which is very troublesome to reach when you see the man selling tissue paper packets?

It takes more effort to do a small deed than an obvious one. That's why small actions are always initiated and more appreciated. They are more likely to come from the person's heart. Not just to earn some benefits donating $100000 to own children's school, or some recognition by handling a huge cheque to the charity on stage. Small deeds at times takes huge motivation and defiantely impact the giver and the reciever more.

Have been trying to make sure I make by today better than my yesterday by trying out new ways of doing my routine chores. And it really adds colours to life! Do try, highly recommended~ Tell you a secret, wearing comfortable clothings can make a difference too! Guys, do see what you can do to squeeze in more "first times" in your short life...

One at a time~

Helping out at Charis these few days and realised that I have fallen for them... Willingly. Hehehe, the more they make me puke blood, the more I like to spend time with them. And, I especially like those really mischievious ones![not kidding here ar... I like naughty kids.] And one of them is defiantely the always in "irritating" mode, MAX. He really never fail to entertain me with his excuses and expressions! Hahaha~ And he always never bring underwear to centre so I told him that he'll be wearing panties if he don't bring tomorrow... Hope he brings, coz I dunnoe where to get him panties! -.-"

I brought them to the far far playground which is 4times larger and more fun than the nearby one. And becoz going there has to cross 3junctions, they sledom have chance to go there. Too risky. And so, they promised me to finish all their homework before tea-break, so I brought them there. We spent more than an hour there. If you think that's too long a break, comm'on they have just finished their CA1 and deserve some "snacks" after meals right?!

In any case, I kind of hope lq dun come back too fast, so that I can go and be her relief! Haha... Anyway, I'm jogging to centre from my house tomorrow! Yes, JOGGING. I think it's time to tone some flabby parts... Haiz, getting fatter~ [only I can say I'm getting fatter, k!] Waking up at 6am just to morning call someone. Tedious but definately worth while job in hand! So I gotta sleep now~ You take care at the far away land...