Do you believe in Love?

Mattew 5:44
"But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,"
Most people believe in force: Guns and armies.
Some people believe in money: Financial power.
Some people believe in education: Education change the world.

No one seems to believe in 'turning the other cheek' to the one who hits you.

Jesus didn't ask us to turn the other cheek so that we could get beaten up more. He believes in the power of love. He believes that evil can be overcome by good. In Romans 12:20-21 it says:
"... if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink;... Don't not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."

Only when we believe that if we love, long enough, people will come to their senses and respond to that love. Maybe they won't, but the person who love will learn the power of loving! When you have understood the joy of loving, you have broken free from hatred. And that's so "WHAO~"...

Jesus said that the mark of His disciples would be that love. But where did we went wrong in this generation? This kind of love is like fairy tales and the world has succeeded in making us give up believing what love can reap. That's not God's rule of the game. And the judgement in the end is according to God's rule, not how we ruled this world.

*feel like typing chinese... But how to?!*

Duh. Duh. Duh. If can't type chinese, I don't know how to continue blogging already~ Bye...

I not stupid too...

Okay, if you think that the title is readlly lame and makes you sound stupid, dun be fooled. Didn't like the title too, but it WAS indeed a nice show! Lots of values imprinted in it. Something I learnt from the show? It'll be this: "F-A-M-I-L-Y=Father And Mother, I Love You." Hee~

In the show, as usual, parents don't understand kids and vice versa. When is these kind of relationships going to end? I mean, will it ever improve as generations passes by?? I hope so... It seems really tedious to understand why parents are so naggy while parents never seems to understand why children are simply rebellious. People outside the picture is always the fastest to comment and as if they can solve the whole issue themselves. Today, I was that someone outside the picture myself...

It seems so hard to ask tell my parents, 'Hey, I want to spend part of my ang bao money giving you a treat for loving me these years.' It's like so not me... Haiz, don't know if I have the coura
ge to do so. I hope I can. Anyway, the show said something like:

'Parents love you so much. So much that they don't know how to give that love.'

I think it's rather true. It's just how well you can express love to people around you. Nothing sophisticated. Just learning to react to how we feel in while in others' shoes. And it seems that I'll never learn. That's the reason why I've always been an admirer to expressive people?? Can never be like them. Impressed when they can do a few little things and let the memories last eternity, or reasoning out a complicated explaination using just simple sentences. Clear, short and sweet...

BUT! I'll never give up being someone who generously showering warmth to people. I like to make them feel at home. That 's the best feeling... But before I master that skill, bear with me. I want to do something in my family~ and make everyone feel needed, wanted. Wouldn't mind watching it again at all!!!

Hee~

Last day of 2005!

Duh lor... Cannot go blading! And now slack at home do nothing~ I know there're many meaningful activities that I can do, but nothing as close to bladding. Thanks to the two lazy bums lor, duhz.[Opps!] Haha, anyway, my brother just got himself a christian name, Elijah. My idol's name. Not sure if Elijah really has his kind of figure?? Haha...

But Elijah, Daniel and Joseph has always been the most perfect men in my world of history. No records of bad memories, all glorifying ones. Though they're not Saints, but what a dream if you get to have a chance to live a day with them...[Don't even think about switching on the comp!] Every morning sure have bible study. -.-" Worse off than my dad. Btw, if you haven't try waking up every morning talking to God even before your feet touches the ground, try it!! Bet you'll enjoy. I just got this into a practise. And it's the feeling after it that's great! Knowing that whoever is bad to you today will only affect the 'surface you', nothing close to feeling really irritated. Because you'll always be reminded what last and what don't.

Some expirences led me to this conclusion: We're accountable to how we made others feel. And especially christians. We can't totally make ourselves feel peaceful just by saying "Nothing I can do if they want to say/feel this way." WE CAN DO SOMETHING! And we're supposed to make people around us feel good, joyful, peaceful. Isn't that the purpose of living as christians? If we're just selfishly wanting things our way, hoping that people also have the same thinking/feeling as us, what more challenge of living is there left?

There are bound to be different views about things, and my thoughts are not always right. I was reminded that I'll always shut off the different views from others. Well, but I just don't want to be influenced by 'lowered standard' principles.[as if mne is always right?! ya ya, HL...] Not that they're wrong, but they're not right. Hmmm... Maybe I'll try to take all in and then filter them as accordingly?

... Okie, mummy needs help in the kitchen. Hopefully not cutting carrots or washing vegetables! Only like mopping and sweeping, haha... :)

Oh man...

Hmmm... My dad just bought my brother and I a pillow! I've always remembered him as the least observant in my family. But at times, he's the one that actually buys things that we want. Remember I had a period of time when I started collecting dried roses.[dun ask me why, just an interest] And he saw my buying roses for myself once. The next week, he passed by a flower shop, he bought 6sticks of roses for me. Was abit weird to recieve flowers from father huh~ But, that was memorable.

My flu is recovering and I'll be ready to enjoy my whole week of hols!!! Hee, only have to go back school on thursday. And my coconut cookies. Oh man... So many activities pilling up and I know I'm in for a fantastic week!

Crap more tonight, that's if there's still air in my lungs~[fading out colour, new try!]

Chocolatty-Day!

I read some other blogs and found out that I'm actually very naggy. Very seldom people blog so long ehh. But I do have friend who writes LONGER and as if talking to himself, right? Yifan? Haha~ But just got to make sure that whatever's here, God checks. And so, no nasty remarks! Oh yea... The chocolate fountain has came to NYP! And I tried the fresh friuts stick with thick chocolate covering. And the most exciting part is that, I, Chua Cheng Ling made the dip myself!! And I didn't screw up the whole machine... Proud of me?! Hah~

If one day when I'm really free and in good mood, maybe people around me get to taste it... Coz I know how to melt chocolate. If you think that's easy, you're wrong. I tried once during econs class in sec but ended up in a mess.[my partner and I got burnt fingers!] We tried other deserts, of coz. But up till now, the most promising meal that I can prepare is pasta. Those with white kind of sauce~ Yummy... [when is my porridge ready?!]

Well, CNY is coming and hols are here! Lalalalalalala~ Haiz, but for a week nia. Then will be my doom day---EXAMS. Maybe the real lalalalalala comes after that bah. Then I'll start my heaven days before the reopening of a whole new semester. Blading, baking cookies, try out new milk shakes, making cards, shopping spree, sleeping spree, chalets... And the chocolate dip thingy. Hmmm... Doesn't seems exciting enough. But how many of the above activities are meaningful?? That'll depends doing it with who and of what intentions. Remember about making an eternal mark to whatever happens around us? Yea, that's about it.

Anyway, asked why people fall sick so frequent these days? The answer I got was due to sin. Surprised? But we're all bearing what we, humans sowed. I get really irritated when people boast about falling sick. I mean if you know the real reason why you fall sick[not taking care of yourself...] who would still dare boast?! Haiz, promise I'll take care of myself, really. Coz I don't want to be a recognised sick-worm... Hah! I also don't want to only learn my lesson when I'm striked with long-term illness or diseases. I still don't want to die yet. Still want to see many beautiful dreams...

Even if they may not come true, but at least, living to know the ending. The most important part to live that long is that I've made a difference in the ending by just being in it. So if I've dragged anyone down in my life, I'm sorry. I truly didn't mean it.

Making the best out of my life by making the best out of others is my motto.

If I haven't live to it yet, at least it is an aim. My aim.

Forgiving

After finished watching the 9pm show, for the second time, I concluded that the media is really conveying different teachings from what I was taught. It tells that 'it doesn't pay in the process of being kind'. What is this... I was told that people love kind hearts and only by being kind, can one find love. Is the process of being kind that bad? Who would dare to be kind and truthful anymore?

Anyway, I've considered blogging about this long time ago. But have come to a decision to blog. Of coz not being too elobrated about this here la... I'm sorry, I can't. Not that I don't want. I was instructed to keep my mouth shut about this, to protect people. But can I just share my thoughts here? Well, yesterday, I was watching detective series of a few murder cases at night. One kills people randomly at midnight on streets. He shoots from his ambushed car along the road side to whoever drives pass. After shooting, the car definately went hay-wired tha's when he proceed nearer to shoot a few more shots. He killed a total of 3 drivers.

Another climbs into bedrooms through windows to rape then kill his victims.[I made sure I locked my window...] One of his victims was just 15 yrs old and her parents were just next door! It's really a tragic. Imagine~ No! Stop. Don't imagine. Just take it as it is. If not you'll suffer what I suffer. And the shocking news is that these killers once or more times boasted about their doings to people they threatened. What have gone wrong in these people's mind?? I mean, what do they really want? Lifeless bodies? I'm sure they feel afraid too...

That reminded me of one expirence I had. Too irritating to mention or to recall. "Only those who should know knows", my dad reminded me. Anyway, this memory haven't had chance to run away... It's still as clear. As vivid. I hate the sight of seeing that in my mind. And you know what leads to hatred? A replaying of what happened to you.[what that person said/did to you...]

Maybe I need even poorer memory? Hah, nope. I know I need to forgive. Until I develop love for him, I can never do anything near forgiving. I want to, really. I want to love even the most disgusting freak living, but I know I can't myself. I need God's love. Sad to say, I haven't get over this whole issue. I just remind myself that I've got to listen to whatever dad says. And I trust him more than I trust myself. It isn't that very bad to keep quite and act as if nothing happened. But when it replays in your mind, I hated it.

No doubt real peace comes from my God above, all these that I expirence is due to my own faith. Nothing to do with His awesome power of healing. Maybe I should pray more about it and get it through and done with. I don't want this to linger in my life.

Forgiving not necessary comes with forgetting. The most sincere forgiving is remembering every detail yet loving... I want it, NOW!

TastEless

I was on my way home just now and saw something really disturbing... A skirt that bearly covered a butt. So short that she wouldn't be able to greet lecturers with a slight bow. Bright pink one somemore. Duhz, feel ashamed for her lor~ The next thing I know was that there was a bunch of boys right behind us. I know I can walk right behind her to help cover... But she wouldn't appreciate, I think. I mean if she can wear it to school, she must have know that people will see and talk about it. So, I did something very mean. Faster my pace to the MRT.

I don't know what happened in the end. Hopefully no eyes see anything evil.[as if possible...] But frankly speaking, some wear their party costumes and others wear thick jackets[for winter kind] on a sunny hot day, in NYP. Why not just faithfully wear that few suits that you comfortably fit in and not worrying whatever position you'll be in?! That's why I rotate between the 3 pants I have, Hee~

Anyway, tomorrow we're having excell test and I really feel jelly at the thought of it. Don't know can make it or not... No group somemore. Die. Must spend a few hours practise later! Anyway, yesterday, I sneak out with my parents to 7-11 without my grandparents knowing~ And mummy bought me coconut cookies!!! But they refused to help me open...[the container is so tightly sealed] And thus, still can't eat. Haiz. Nevermind! Take care now and let the flu subside. Then I can start stuffing junks down my throat again~

Hopefully I'll be in shape for CYN. Don't want to miss any fun. Btw, must remind myself that shouldn't bet, gamble or 'drink' in the festive season. Not even a slight bit. We can still have fun when restricted! Life don't have to be boring as principles guide by... Infact, when you know that you're enjoying despite all the restrictions that you followed, you feel happier!

Bought something last friday. And giving it out real soon... If I remember to.

A cut that Heals

Have you ever had a cut before? By razors, knife or even papers... And can you recall that kind of striking pain that it brought you? Esp when bathing. It hurts. Am I right? Had a sudden inspiration about this while I was lazing on bed. Imagine that cut is your hurt. May be someone else's word that hurt you, or some temptations that you can't overcome and that it leaves a hurt in you too... Whatever it is, it's a hurt. Or a wound, whatever you want to call it. But it has to be painful enough that you pay attention to it.

However, after one day, the wound starts to heal. And upon healing, it starts getting itchy. [those who knows what am I saying, congrats!] Then the next thing you know, you start scratching and it starts bleeding. Then the whole process continues... All over again!

God loves to heal us. He comes right in time to pick us up and to heal our wounds. And He always heals us, just like how our cut 'auto' heal after a day or so. God is so faithful that we thought healing is 'auto'. But He allows hiccups here and there before we are fully healed. And all that was to test if we have truly learnt our lesson. That explains the itch we felt during healing process.

Those who scratched, haven't learn their lesson, thus the process have to be replayed. Those who made it through the scratching part have learnt their lesson! Thus, from here, we can also see that our patient God test us over and over again. Until we truly learnt. Not forgetting that He also always heals, no matter how deep the cut, or how many times does it take to learn our lesson. He is always right here waiting.

Nice sharing? Inspiring enough?

On MC..

I'm here, sicked and slept for more than 12hrs since yesterday. Has since been a long time that I fell sick this seriously. But that was a good rest and I know I need that. Just as I woke up at 6am, I read a book tittled: 'The Prayers of Children' a few minutes ago. Thought I can share some interesting ones here...

Please forgive my sins. I have done many wrong things. I was frightening my friends in school and answering back to my mum. I want to be a good boy. In Jesus name. Amen.(Peter, age5)

Goodnight God. I'm going to sleep now. Be near to me while I sleep. Protect me in the night time. May God bless Mum and Dad and the guy that fixed our TV. In Jesus name. Amen.(Paul, age6)

I am not as clever as my brother. Please grant me some of Your wisdom, God. If you are too busy with work, please send some angels to help me.(Delence, age8)

Don't you think He wants to hear sincere prayers like these? Rather than prayers by arrogant people who come running to God only when tsunami hits their houses. Bible says we should be like a child when it comes to sinning. That is possible and we can do it! Someone reminded me that whoever thinks that he/herself is not able to lead a life as 'clean' as what the Bible says we can, then the person is actually prepared to sin again. What a heavy reminder...

It's so true! Why wouldn't we make it if we have God with us? Since He has conqurered the world, even death, what more are we afraid of? He reigns. And in the path of faith, may us not look back to what made us fell. Because we can never overcome life's waves our own. Because of eternal life, I've learnt to take things that happen around me lighter. I'm still learning of coz! But it's real joy when you are able not to be affected by worldly stuffs.

Nothing in our life will last unless we make a eternal mark to it. It's really up to us. God likes to sit and wait till we realise how useless we are, then, He starts working. Breaking us up into pieces, then moulding us in His image once again. The process will definately be painful and heartbreaking... But is crucial in growth. Without rain, there will not have rainbows. Whoever endures it has it!! :)

Don't give up and hold on to the promise that last forever, no matter what. And be sure that He never fails!

Being Truthful and Faithful

Just came back from the doctor. 2 days MCs!! [don't envy...] One of a nicer doctors I've met. Don't understand why I've always been meeting arrogant doctors except for my knee injury treatment doctor. But anyway, no good impression of doctors... He said I've got flu, and shouldn't share food, drinks, bed...Blah blah blah with family. Duh! Anyway, sorry if I've dampened any one's mood today. Faking up a smile is tedious. Sorry guys...

Anyway, have just realised the importance of being faithful recently. "A person who is most of the time faithful is not faithful at all" Rick Warren said that. What a powerful reminder to me. How can a person who cheats, or hide things says that they're being faithful?! There may be hundred and thousands of reasons to hide things from people, to do things that you know will lead mislead yourself and people around you. They are all EXCUSES. They're not reasons at all. Infact, they are little greeds that grows as fast as the clock clicks. Have to stop thinking of such excuses to condole these little black marks in life.

Many of us actually knows what our actions will bring us. We know we're at the line of doing correct or wrong things. We know we're setting ourselves traps if we continue what we're doing. We still allow those things to continue... That's being stupid. In God's eyes, that is.

His heart beats fast and is very worried as we keep doing things that leads us further away from Him. And the worst part is, we purposely blind ourselves, lying to ourselves:
"Huh?! Like that also cannot meh?? This is not sinning mah!"
But deep down, we know the intentions of our doings. Although they may be sugar-coated by our pretendence, the excuses that we gave ourselves.

If you don't understand what I'm saying, you're the lucky few. At least you haven't pretended to to something that seems helpful, but is actually doing out of your own ill intentions! Proud of you!! Whoever you're... Help whoever is struggling there, God.

You know we all want to be true.

Before I Forget

Have an urge to recall our meet before I start forgetting... Leaders in church have been asking about you. And I haven't been thinking about this whole issue. Maybe it's time to start cracking my head about this.

Let start from the void deck incident that made me know you well enough to call you a friend. Heard about you, everywhere. How you command at NCC, how you ran 2.4km, and the hockey competition... But never did I know you in person until that dreadful day, I meet this crap guy. You stared at this mad girl who cannot stop crying at the void deck. Ya, that dreadful yet wonderful day. You must be curious why at the void deck. I really have no idea where Joyce was bringing me to that day. I don't care actually. We were walking until my legs went jelly and decided to sit down. Thinking of your reaction makes me want to replay the whole incident again. Even to an expense of tearing for an hr... You were like: 'What happened? Ehh, don't cry, ugly lor...' Then walked off with Jun Wei. Duhz, say I ugly?! Should have kicked you then. Next day still have the cheeks to shout 'hi ugly' over the corridor!!

The next that brought us abit closer is the Chinese lesson we attended. What a coincidence we took each other's seats after exchanging classrooms. But have to admit that for the sebsequence times, I purposely sat at your seat. This was to reply your 'XXX was here' that you carved on my table. Remember we paid $16 each for 3 badly vandelised tables?! Ms Chamb must have earned abit there... You started it -.-

Then, Mr Koh's incident. Remember how you dragged me all the way to the classroom after my knee relapsed?! If Mr Koh was to know what you did to me, he would have asked you run 4.8km lor! Well, although you were forced to help, but 'helping a person up to classroom' shouldn't be done in such an ugly position lor... But you this lazy impatient chap said I walked slower than your passed away grandmother =..= But it's safe to have you around. I don't know why, but I just know that you have no ill intentions, if not, you have covered them real well.

Then we bacame closer friends who fought with long rulers, discussing parables and copying homework. Yea~ That's the time I'll salute you in your NCC uniform and you'll ask me if I can wait for you after your science practical to play badminton. Huge motivation to go to school then was to know what jokes and quotes you have for me. Or some disfigured photos you did with mag and RDs. Thanks for the fererror roches that day before my chinese papers. Actually didn't want to eat them, but people start seeing how I'm dealing with them, so have to eat them to act normal mah... Got that from Mdm Wong right?! Still fail you MT papers dispite her so doting you!!!-.-"

Maybe because I'm always needing help when I see you, that's why you seems caring. Taking care of my diet?! Save that, man. Up till today, others are still more concern about my diet more than I do. What's happening to the people around me?! Are they being overly-helpful?? I've once told God that it seems there's no one better than you, but the moment I reached home, I knew I was wrong. That's when I saw my dad...

Anyway, LQ once asked me why is it not possible for us to be together. And I think it's time to think a little, at least learning to analyse? Hmm, let's see...
Firstly, you won't like the idea because you once told me that you feel disgusted to see young ladies being held at waist. I don't want to have a disgusting relationship with you.
Secondly, I know we'll enjoy friendship more than any other relationship. A smack on the back, making us feel refreshed the rest of the day instead of whispering empty promises into ears.
Thirdly, I want to marry a full timer. That has been my prayer since I started praying for my Mr Right. You want to become a doctor, don't you? Spending so much time explaining to me how a kidney works, as if I'll remember...
Forth, you seems to can't be convinced to come for a chinese service, just once. And that really irritates me. What makes you think that you won't get used to it and you won't like it?! Although being faithful in own's church is vital.
Fifth, I hope to find someone who loves God more than you do. I mean those who knows what is it to give All to Jesus. Maybe you'll learn that in LA? We shall see...

It's....FRIDAY!

Hee~ Later going to watch movie! [Yes, despite the new TV...] Geisha at PS with long time no see: Ah Tiang and Banana. They are the ones that ran 2.4km with me, for me. They may seems so mean and rude, but deep down, they are people with hearts. Miss secondary school days a little... Really hope that I can share my greatest Joy with them, God. I think that's the best present in our friendship I can provide... :)

Anyway, my nephew is going for an operation 1st Feb. Although his parents seems okay about the fact that he needs an operation, but I know they're not. I don't see it as a big deal but I was reminded that I will if Jere was my son... Hmm, that led me thinking of a life with your children, will it be as great as imagined?? Babies entertain daddy when he comes home from work, but terror mummy since morning the split second they open their eyes. True? False? [Maybe that's the reason why my dad dotes me more than my mum does?! Hee~] Hopefully not!! I hope my children will be a blessing to our family, the kingdom of God. If parents' faith are shaken by a new born child, wonder if God regrets giving them one.

So, better don't make God regret letting His plans shown. Leading a fulfilling life is not about trying out everything available, but focusing on what matters. A person can still lead a fulfilling life without a pair of blades or not being able to step onto another country's ground. In God's eyes, nothing close to these matters. Doing what He pleases is the ultimate Joy. I don't know how to explain why... It's from past expirences.

My greatest fear: Losing Life's Purpose.

Lazy day...

Grace saw that NYP band drumer yesterday at the shelter-walk-way. And without me, that is... Duhz. But to those who dunnoe who he is. He's just a drumer who has a nice patch of goatie under his lower lip. Wondering if my dad will be convinced to have that too~ Imagine shifting the whole strip of moustache down... [Cool ehh!]

Anyway, having presentation tomorrow and I haven't memorise a thing yet. I lost my shoe and got to buy a new pair of heels. Hate wearing those "clacky" shoes which never fail to sore my 'already sored toes'... I want to faster recover and go bladding wan lor~ God, please untie the knots of my tougue and let me not stumble... Or say things like 'passing the mike to the next speaker' when we're presenting in classrooms and without mikes. Stupid me, freely entertaining all of them.

That Eileen can stop her nick names for me liao lor. I mean not before I find one for her. That dilute Eileen... But hope she's recovering well from her chicken-pox and DUN pass it to me!! I want to take exams in the usual exam hall, no where else. Ezzatul, be very careful of her. The "Germ-man"... Opps~

Anyway, was talking with someone last night and concluded somethings:

1.) Life isn't easy; we need God

2.) Having wisdom and being clever is different

3.) There're no restart buttons in life

... ... ...

4.) Not sleeping kills, using Words to draw econs graph kills...~ Yes, they do!!!

So, don't drag whatever you want to do till late late and always know that procastination is the thief to your Life! That's all, maybe talk more tonight, if I have anything more to nag about... Going home liao, God bless~

... ... ...

Can't sleep! Duhz...

I seems troubled meh?!

Friends have been saying that I seems smarter in blog. Hmm, am I that blur in school?! ha~ Well, lately mummy has been thinking that I'm not who I used to be... And she conculded that I'm troubled. Hmm, the fact is, I don't even know if I am! Haha~ believe it or not. I mean there are things to be worried about: results, church staff, relationships with people, my testimony... and the list goes on. But is it pretty bad these days?!

I hate to admit that I'm sad. Usually my facial expressions betray me before my tongue could. But this guessing game from my mum can stop. I'm fine. Just abit of hiccups in life is okay, isn't this what I'm taught?! So stop pestering me to tell you who, what, why, where, how... I've got nothing to say.

Actually, LQ once said that it's impossible to not know the reasons for our feelings. But I always only know the building factors of it but the actual ones unknown. Not kididng here. And if you wanna dig deeper in, you'll be surprised that small things affect me more than huge happenings... When melissa is so rebellious, when weijie stops schooling or when I start losing my focus on should be focused... And the forgetful period will come... I kind of know my pattern. Follow closely by my pimples~ Duh

Anyway, look up! Chest up! Cheer up! AND life moves on the way it is. No one has time to slow down their pace to wait for you, CL~ So you better catch up your pace and squeeze your way through the waves and forget about what you want to feel. There's a song "Why" which is an oldies [sorry to all youths out there...I listen to oldies...] It describes something that seems so big that happened to you actually bothers no one around you, but You alone. Your breathe seems going and you wonder why your heart still beats in the morning when you wake up, your alarm still rings and you still have to go to school and do tutorials. Your friends are still as crazy and the canteen didn't close. Everything was the same. The only thing that was different is me, myself. Felt that long long time ago, when I was retained...opps, dun ask me about it, although I've got over it. I remember buying a poster from popular to encourage myself. [poster still in my room-3 yrs old-]

Crazy me... Sat at the void deck and cried for like 2hrs before going home with that stupid report book lor~ Memorable times. I still remember how I felt. Haha, that was a blow then. But now, it's a scar.

"We can be products of our past, but not prisoners fo it" -Rick Warren-

If you get there before I do...Wait.

Heard a new meaningful song today at school... All credits to Grace and Leqi ehh... Grace introduced it to Leqi and then Leqi to me. It's super nice. Borrowed Grace mp3 and listen all the way from school to the MRT~ And listening to that same song. Althought halfway through when coming to the chorus, Leqi will start singing[because she only know chorus ba?! opps], but was so nice that I don't mind her voice... Maybe I'll share with you the lyrics?!

If you get there before I do
Don't give up on me
I'll meet you when my chores are through
I don't know how long I'll be
But I'm not going to let you down
Darling wait and see
And between now and then
Until I see you again
I'll be loving you...
Love me

Nice? Maybe it only applies to me lah, but if you were me, you'll know. Knowing how difficult is it to supress whatever that's wanting to come out... Well, I'm very proud that I didn't go to that party. I made sure I keep myself really busy that day, and I did! I was so busy with youth camp and christmas parties, I didn't lie in the first part of reasoning why I didn't turn up. I knew I made the right choice. Hating and loving goes con-current. Learnt that from sermon. And because of love, I hate... Undestand?! Ask you to come church dun want... Orbie! Haha~

Before people starts asking, better siam first... If not... BYE!

Learning something new~

Guess what?! I downloaded firefox programme today! And credit goes Mr. Chen Yifan! *clap-clap*
Ahem, that applause was for me... I followed instructions and everything was done, NICELY! At least I don't have to open so much windows while doing projects and chatting at the same time liao...

Anyway, today's stats was Horrible and Disgusting. Haiz, nvm. Don't look back. Skipped today's survey cause I thought I had menopause "yesterday" afternoon, 12.45am liao, so went home early. Slept the whole day through till night and realised that my new TV is fixed! Pleasant surprise... Watched dunnoe what show then went out for dinner with family. Then got the message that today's youth meeting cancled!! Hee~

--- --- ---

Sleeping really late tonight, cause can't sleep. Doing project then report then speech, arrggghh, Alot leh!! But never mind, table still have two bottles of Essence of Chicken, can drink. But need inner strength from God. Health and etc... If not keep forgetting things is a horrible life to live. You know that everthing comes from the mighty creator, God. His grace and mercy is sufficient each new day~ At least, God never runs out of creative blessings waiting to be showered upon us...

When we call to Him, He run to us! He waits for us to take the first basic step of realising that we can't improve the situation and we can't do a thing without His help. People facing death will understand this. When death is just ahead of you and you can only hope for God to help when your family's consolations, enouragements or doctors' technology and wisdom can't reach your need. He is faithful, even to those who don't know Him, God's promises endure forever.

We don't have to lead a aimless life, not knowing the reason to take the next breath... That'll be so pathetic. Come and know Jesus, the One and only Saviour. The most amazing thing is that His love is for ALL, those who love Him and those who don't even know Him.

God bless~

Wonderful Sunday!!

I love Sundays... Hanging out with my churchies is just so fun and fulfilling! I mean the fun and friendship we expirence is so different from what you can find out there. Hmm, how should I explain?? Maybe it's beyond words la, if not it's me here, that kuku who can't express well...

But you know there're alot of people today and we've just changed a new Hall... Much bigger and sound system better wan! O.o Really cool... It's so excited looking down from the stage and see the huge hall almost being filled. Charis can make a good 2006 and let God shine through us. Today, daddy said: "It's always oursleves which are the greatest barrier to the next level in life." And isn't it so true? Who and what can we blame for what we reap?

I want to reap things that last, relationships that stays and love that conqures selfishness... Only by focusing on things that really matters can a life be lived to it's fullest!!!

feelings, dangerous.

We humans are so weak. And helpless. Keep doing things that we vowed not to, and forgot about the promise we made just now... Talking about this, I'm worst at this. Remembering what I promised. Maybe I have something in my head that blocks my memory? Or that I have a much smaller brain than normal? Something up there must be wrong...

I feel more so these few months. I can even forget to ask mummy answer the call that I picked up!! That's why Liqin always say that next time I'll forget to bring my baby home...(Hopefully my husband isn't as bad) But seriously, I quite fustrated at myself at times when I forget about appointments, to bring things or to do things that I've promised. Gosh, excuse me for doing all these in the past. Well, although I can't promise that I'll remember everything from now onwards, but I definately try my very best. At least I've started using an organiser which cost me 20bucks...*ouch*

--- --- ---

Hmm, you know something? I've just realised that I'm in no position to trust how I feel. Doing things and deciding by feeling is really Dangerous. It's like speeding at highway. Although there're lesser traffic and seems to be in control, seems safer, but the fact is, I'm losing the willingness and ability to be true, be it to myself or others. Usually end up in serious mess. I feel disgusted by people who puts up show and can switch their views, expressions or words within a snap. I never want to be a two-headed person, I'll really hate myself then...

Talking about this, Liqin did tell me that I have a tendency to supress my feelings to an they seems to disappear, if not, I'll make sure to lie to myself: "No, that's not how I felt." And end up really convinced that I really did not feel that way. I gotta admit that... I think what I need is an outlet to throw them out. And since I can't talk them out, I Type. That's the reason for this blog.

I have alot to express... Thoughts were once in my little head, or just flash past. And can type out lots and lots. But not for you today. Haha, maybe because I've chosen to lose them all at East Coast after that deep thinking day?! Whatever it is, I'm still accountable to God. Will try my ultimate best not to throw His face de lah! Relax...

Busy Weekend

Hmm... So many things too little time. Things are piling up and gotta clear them one by one. Maybe I should list them down one by one here? And refer to my blog as check list, gee~

1.Study statistic
2.Plan programmes for the kids on Sunday
3.Prepare CG discussions on Saturday
4.Do up reports that I owed (2005 ones too...)
5.Buy white top for Sunday BC
6.Email Hema report (don't underlook this task!)
7.Plan script for POM project
8.Think of what to do on Sunday afternoon for the youths
9.Sunday school performances (??)
10.Tutorials

Hoping that my list can be shorten to:
1.Blading and Devotions then sleep...

Wouldn't it be nice? Btw, my blading time isn't just fun, k! I think through serious questions and strategies to hit my aim for 2006. So it's not easy not to fall as I think and blade at the same time. I'm not a person who can multi-task, remember? But must learn to be one... ... ... Life will be so much more fulfilling then!

For now... I'm trying my very best to juggle well. Today's quote:
"If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always gotten." ~John Maxwell

Blading @ East Coast!

These few days have been rainy and cold, to an extend I kind of miss sweating. Esp being in NYP, there isn't any chance for you to feel warm. Reminds me of Ahka. Hopefully I can make it to this March's trip!
Hey...Before I forget, Ezz! I remembered to post something today!! Hee~ (although I forgot what I wanted to post about you...-.-")

Anyway, let's talk about what happened on tuesday!! Public holiday and as usual, went out with my youths and some over-aged youths at heart. Actually I was suggesting ice-skating but in the end, no one supports and we all went east coast again... My initial thought was like:"Not again?!"

It was a hooking expirence there and I'm obviously hooked on blading! I love it and though learning how to blade pays... Had sore W for almost a week! Nevertheless, blading gives you a feeling of flying-on-land, and that is really enjoyable! Enjoyed it the best when I asked them to go off first (no one can tahan such a slowpoke...) and when I'm ALL ALONE... Hee~
That makes me feel like autistic-child, not wanting to be with others and like being alone. It's not that. Let me break this down into digestable size:

1. I indulge in deep thinking of craziest things. (Eg: Where to run to if bombs really hit S'pore, imagine my dad without moustache...Blah blah blah...)And the conclusions usually make sense!
2. Can sing abit louder than when with people!! Lalalalala~
3. Don't have to wait for people for let others wait for me. (Either way makes my blading wheels lose their way...)

Infact, if there's someone willing to blade at the same speed as me, that'll be greater than blading alone... Hmm, maybe he/she needn't have to blade the same speed as me, but as least don't make me feel weird when I'm too fast or too slow... And will give a hand to help me up when I fall?! =x Ya, I need that... I know they don't really mind waiting but I don't feel good letting them wait. My problem~
After longxiang left me with my "ambulance", I felt so carefree!! No voiceless echoes saying: "I'm behind you and you're travelling far too slow..." or "Duhz. So fast, what about me?" Alone, I can take my time...(my favourite past time!) and push myself to next level at my own pace.

Well, but I stilll enjoy my time with others though. Esp that day was drizzling THE WHOLE DAY and we were all wet inside out... The floor was slippery, making it super smooth to slide on. Oh ya, the fastest speed I travelled that day was when I grabbed Yifan's bag as he tailed behind Zonglin's bike. I was pretty nervous as I did fall badly because of blading in this manner once... But I somehow know I'm safe. Even if I really fall, at least I'll drag Yifan along with me! Who knows if Zonglin will fall too?! Opps... Hee~ Well, this day will be marked as one of my sweet memories... Hopefully I can remember that long. Duh!

After that day, I ate $6 of mutton soup with rice, then tang1 yuan2 (dunnoe what's that in proper english), then sugar cane drink... Yummy! Looking forward to the next blade sessions which I don't mind falling flat down for an exchange of a day of fun and laughters. Best if goes with being drenched from head to toe!

Still testing out...

I was choosing a "skin" for my blog just now...and realised that most of the designs have really negative reviews about life. Well, it's pretty obvious that I didn't choose them. "all alone", "I'm falling", "screams"...Blah blah blah~

Then came acrossed this beautiful one which says that Jesus is the way! Well, to be honest, it served as a reminder to me that I haven't do my QT for today... Opps... But frankly speaking, devotions can really be intresting if you do it with your friends. I mean discussing about His Word definately brings peace of mind and creates a joyful spirit!!

Anyway, verse for today:
James 1:12 "Blessed is the man who perserveres under trials, because when he has stood the test, he will recieve the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him."

Always play by God's rules. If not, you'll be disqualified from the game. And that will cost you Eternity... Something you don't have the ability to lose. Well, it's still a "new" year ehh... Not that old at least. I'll find my way to the next level in life soon! I don't want to stay a c-a-l-m and s-t-e-a-d-y life, that's so boring...*yawnz* But one which is exciting enough to force me learn new things and be a better sailor in life's journey.

Well, better not be too "luo-suo" and scare all of you off... Still have tutorials to do and thoughts to think about! God bless.

First Post

Today's 11th Jan 2006...and I'm doing something I've not done before...
POSTING MY FIRST POST AT MY OWN BLOG!!!

thanks to Ezzatul and Eileen...heh :)
Hmm...in school doing project and we came out with the stupid idea of creating a blog.
Maybe shall talk more at home later!!

See you...