alone again~

Parents not in, not even grandma. Grandpa and me at home. Imagine the silence? And he was asleep since 10.30pm?! Intented to watch TV shows as I promised God I won't sleep after night shift. Then realised that I'm too tired to be entertained by TV programes.[watching TV is tiring~] So I decided to mop floor, yes, again. Grandpa insisted that the floor is clean but I made an excuse that there's meeting tomorrow, so have to mop again. I won! But it suddenly occured to me that it's a great chance to have solid quiet time before the Lord. [Maybe coz I have no energy to mop too?! Hah..] Anyway, I really have so much to tell Him anyway~

So I started with the verse I still remember since last saturday. The screen was too fast so I only managed to know the contents and that it's from 1Cor. So I practically glanced through the book and finally found it! 1Cor 1:26-31. It really amazes me how God plays His game. When we think that this is the right step, He thinks otherwise. And then makes a move which doesn't seem like what a wise man would do. In the end, no doubt He always win. How am I going to see far with my eyes? I need God-tacles, I said that right?! There're so many things and happenings we can't forsee and cannot estimate or judge now. We can only live by faith. And what is living by faith? It's to live righteously. There're no better things on Earth that can satisfy your hole in your heart other than to fulfill the purpose you were born on Earth for~ I know my purpose.

Before bro left this morning, he left two things: A piece of drawing and a note stating he wants a watch. [I promised him a present for improving in studies...] It was kind of hilarious because there's no link between a pic of YF and that he wants watch, you can see how fast his brain flashes it's thoughts~ And my dad lagi best, left a whole load of work for me for this week's service. Slides, coordinations with incharge, call preacher for this and that, make sure meeting said this and that, pass this to so and so... Do I sound as if I'm complaining? But, seriously, I 'm pretty proud of all these work! He could have called other church members, but he chosed me. Do you see the joy I see?? HAH. HAH. So, I'm going to be pretty busy this week. Happily busy. He also gave me an amount of money... Actually, I don't need that amount, that makes me more thankful. God always provide me with more than what I need!

LQ has promised to stayover with me tomorrow night. That's of great help man~ That will mean that I can hear more NOISE. Hah. She's always the best listener. I can talk and talk and she'll listen and listen until she closes her eyes but will still nod when I ask for answers... [I still appreciate it although I question of she's really listening!] But sometimes she can be the pain on my neck, interrogating me like some crazy CIDs, going down to get answers. But it's a half fight, sometimes she wins, sometimes I win. I'm studborn, remember?

But anyway, I hope I can sacrificeanything, for the sake of just being an inch closer to Jesus? I think the joy of it will over-ride the pain of the sacfrice... What's not God's anyway? But will I still think like that 5yrs down the road? And when will I ever live that out? When? I remembered a family conver I had,
Me: The most important earthly thing that sustain a person from being in part of a church is a real bro/sis in Christ.
Mum: So most importantly must find one lor.
Dad: No, most importantly is to know how to be one yourself. That makes a whole different.

五月二十九日

今天，我打破两个杯。
一个生日礼物也摔坏了。
但是成功的把整间家打理干净。
随时可以来我家玩滑板。
保你跌倒，哈哈！！

他们明天就要走了。。。
10%伤心；90%高兴；100%想念。
如果有节目的话，将会很精彩。
但如果没有节目的话，后果不堪色想。
希望晚上不会太安静。

Rio

WIDE smile. Nice. Shouldn't his cool goatie be shown? Then it'll be perfect~ :D

ARGH

Can anyone help me find back the way to forget?
Yea, I need that forgetfulness which I complaint I had too much of~

Precious Lord

Precious Lord
Take my hand
Lead me on
Help me stand
I'm tired
I'm weak
I'm worn
Through the storm
Through the night
Lead me on
To the light
Take my hand
Precious Lord
Lead me home

When my way
Go astrayed
Precious Lord
Linger near
When my life
Is almost gone
Hear my cry
Hear my call
Hold my hand
As I fall
Take my hand
Precious Lord
Lead me home

The touch of Your hand says You'll catch me, wherever I fall.
You say it best, when You say nothing at all~

my BEST

I hate to be forced to accept something as "cannot change" or "it's just like that" when it's something negative. I mean, can't God do something?! When we believe in something that's not the way God intented, we have limited the space God can work. I feel. That's why I encourage very positively impossible dreams, wishes, hopes. But as long as it's positive and pleasant to God, why not?? I'm not denying that in this realistic world, things don't always go so smoothly... But does it mean that God wants it this way forever? "Experiences" are some testimonies we cannot afford to ignore. Because history will repeats itself to re-teach it's lesson if not learnt. We have to pay close attention to what made us fall. Especially closely. But for what? So that we can avoid repeating them! Not so that we'll surrender to what this generation claims to be and say we can't do anything. The least is praying and wait to see miracles, right?! Don't say it's the youths to wear so little cloth, the first bf will make you go ga-ga, the Christians nowadays cannot be taught with His Word directly(must top-up with good relationships) or that there's nothing we can do for these kind of people... Our God is so helpless??!!

I'm not asking you to let me continue dreaming and don't wake me up to reality. But we should DREAM together! If God loves us, we should hope for the best. Because love expects the BEST. I hate to be convinced to accept that "it's like that wan laa..." I feel like saying "But it's not what God has planned for us today, so why is it that we should expect it this way?" If more people doesn't accept what is common but sinful(or close to sin), but pray and hope that the BEST is something God will pour upon them, they are the people who eventually GETS IT. I don't really know how to explain this but that's another thing I'll continue to insist on it: Expect the Best.

It's for sure that it requires the BEST effort to recieve the BEST stored for us. Why not aim the best that we can do, let God do the rest, then recieve the best? Instead of pulling out our white flag and say "Ohh, from the past experience... ... ..." As if we know alot? God can do wonders to those who love and trust Him. He helps those who are weak and unsteady. Those prayers we called out in tears He does not ignore. So what's the big deal of what the others have been through? So what if many experiences say otherwise of what God intented it to be?

I'll just be more aware in that area and put extra effort and expect the best from the faithful Lord. By then, it's not dreaming... It's dream come true~ Don't deprive others of expecting the BEST that can actually happen. Don't put them down by saying, "You'll know it when it come... It's not that easy~"If just happen that the best doesn't fall on you or the people around you, learn that lesson and move on. But don't stop others from believing that something better that you might have experienced CAN happen to them, in His time. Even if the "ideal" don't come true, I won't regret expecting it. I don't laugh at myself for believing in fairy tales and trusting that God can do something like that. It just shows that I haven't given my best to recieve the best. Not that the best can't happen.

Sometimes we think that we know alot. And that really made me suffered alot. I thought that I don't have to pray about it, it won't change. I don't have to ask God for it, I'm not getting it. But all these are false proclaimations from the thoughts of the Evil. I choose to believe and work towards the BEST fairy tale ever... Dreaming in hope is different from imagining-fantasy. God's invited to work in our lives when we expect the best from Him.

I expect the best opportunities to spread the Gospel, I expect the most outstanding faith build in my cg, I expect the most wonderful youth years, I expect to do HUGE things for Him, I expect the most-CL-fitted man as husband, I expect the best pregnancy to delivery period, I expect the best marriage, I expect the best kids that can do greatER things, I expect the best plan works to my aged parents, I expect the best carree, I expect the best retirement period, I expect the the best way to leave the world... I've gotta work SO hard~

See how you see "best". But I expect the best.

world Cup!

World Cup coming ehh~ I don't know why but feel excited too. Well, not that I really watch football, but I do know abit here and there... Thanks to my kaypo-ness. Fav players: Ronaldhino, Michael Owen. Fav keeper: Iker Casillas. Fav defender: Rio Ferdinand. Fav footballer: R. Carlos.

Yesterday, went down 7-11 with parents late at night. I forced my mum to buy me wrist band customed to football craze. I bought Brazil's colour combi~ Not that I support Brazil, but their colou matches my shoes! Hah~ Nice combination! Later, this morning I realised that I didn't dare to wear them out... DUH. $5 lor, wasted money.

Oh ya, badminton AVIVA championship is here in S'pore!! Let's see how LinDan gets trashed... Haha~ Not that he's that good tobe ranked One lor. Taufik definately deserves more credits than him mah. Aiya, but don't worry, they'll prove themselves at S'pore stadium real soon! Anyone to go watch with me?! Hah, kidding la, not that anyone is so free~(Championship maybe??) Uh, btw, need entrance fee hor.

Hey, I'm reading a book recently and I have lots to say! Lots to pray about! When I see people leading the life I dream to lead, it gets really exciting! Too much about it, and I cannot bring out the catch of the whole biography... So you'll have to wait for this book yourself, "The Heavenly Man".

How much you want it??

There are so many things we want in life. We want to be loved, that Esprit pants, Mac's twister fries, good results, good friendship, stable family, faithful spouse, punctuality at work, fixed savings per month, make parents happy... So many things that we want! And are mostly good aims. But why most of the times we get anything but the good? It's all because of one thing that we miss, the value of it. I'll always remember someone told me in cab:

"It's not about what you want(everyone's quite clear), but how much you want it."

We can complain for all we can that things don't go smoothly as we have done our best. Haven't you said that before? "But I've done my best!!" Well, JT gets really mad when people anyhow say they have done their best, which I agree that we shouldn't say BEST when we've only TRIED. They're a whole world different. Let's not set such a low standard on ourselves. But though, I still buy things to reward myself once in a blue blue moon~ Hee!

How namy times I give up doing good which I could have insisted on? Just because of hunger, anger, pride, laziness, impatient?? Some may see this as a small matter, but I see it as a mark of our faithfulness. (Which is a BIG matter afterall~)What can make us stop persuding something we used to want? And if we were to give it up THAT easily, were we even fit to say that we made an effort to get it?? You understand? It's just like building a relationship with anyone. You say, "I want to be your friend." And you start making simple efforts such as talking or going out for a movie or a meal. But when little problems start to surface, (different perseptions, or views) you start to withdraw from making extra efforts to amend whatever lacking. You give up explaining something that clashes your idea to that person. You start to see that your time spent with that person is eating too much of your free time and you want it reduced. You start to question if you still want to make that friendship work. You start to think that MAYBE, that person is just not too "your-group-type". And then, you question yourself for the initial idea of wanting this relationship work. See how easily are we influenced and challenged to stay faithful? More so when it comes to good work~

If so, then that's what I'm talking about. You haven't want this friend or this thing so badly that nothing can stop your determination to get it. If little thing and small waves can shake your intial WANTs' determination and faithfulness, then I question if you really did want it in the first place. Now, I really have gotta list down what I REALLY WANT in life, and use my as usual-shocking and extreme actions to show it. To show what I want in life and that I must get it.

Family, my Life~

I'm going to buy my dad a good pen with "Rev Chua" engraved. That will cost a bomb in my pocket but it's more than worth it. He has always jokingly complain that pastors deserve more than $0.90 ball-point pens in their shirt's pockets. Yes. People in front line of the battle should be given the best eqiuipments.

Thinking back, my parents are noble. They were more than parents. Sometimes they are my friend, at times my instructor whom I should lookup to as demostrators... Not forgeting the ATM part. As for my dad, it's so easy to get his money out of his pocket. All you need to do is to talk. Talk long enough, and you'll get it~ Hah. I'm proud of having "reachable-parents". You can tickle them and expect double dosage in return, you can complain all you want to them as they do their work and expect practical and theory solutions right on the spot, or you also can choose to slam the door and expect counselling sessions for the week... Whatever you do, there's bound to have some RESPOND.

In fact, the people I most want to be with when I'm stressed or fearful is to be with my family. Lots of times when I'm out with my friends, but see children with parents eating or shopping, I wished my parents were there, right on the spot, with me. With them around, I know, everything will be taken care of. I have a strong feeling that being with people close to God, you feel safe. Hmm, I don't really know how to explain this... But ya, I feel that way~

Thinking back, I hurt my parents quite alot. Especially my mum. I've never quarrelled with my dad before, as far as I define "quarrel"... Because he's forever forgetful and forgiving~ As for my mum, I remembered the two most heated quarrel:
1. Over a piece of bread
2. Over a missed call
That was really stupid. In my heart, I was screaming SORRY deep there but my mouth just won't speak. My heart says SORRY but my eyes pretended not to see her walk past each time. My pride caused long cold war. Never fight a war which you win nothing to win. Dumb me, proud me, studborn me.

My dad once told me that he treasures the family so much that he may one day die for us. I ask him, "Don't gek lor. You think you can give up Charis for us three??" He nods and go, "Um, ya, I will." That brought tears to my eyes. (Yea yea, I cry very easily...) But you know how much is the appreciation to hear from someone you dear that he can die for you? That once again assures me, I'm not lacking in love! How much more can I ask for? That's why I don't bother to find bf yet... Maybe until my parents love me lesser?! Haha~

But the sermon last week hit me hard. How much have I been thankful for my family and how much effort have I put in to do my part? I realised that the only person whom I felt comfortable sleeping with is my brother. Hmm, interesting find-out during the past week when my parents went overseas~ Maybe coz he snores? Or is it that he's fat and huggable enough in replacement of my boaster?? I washed my feet and got up to bed, and very seldom I would want to get down my bed anymore. But his fat face made me put $3 into his pencil case that day. And I had to wash my feet again...

What more do I have to say about my grandparents? Whatever my parents wouldn't do for me, they will. Like:
-Make my bed
-Make breakfast for me
-Wake me up
-Bring textbooks for me to school
-Wash my socks
-Ask me to watch nice shows
And the list goes on~ If my parents were angels, they are the angels' parents (of coz laa...) whom have imparted those values in them to do right. If my parents run a business, they are the main investors who invested their lives as capital to let them progress and go to the next step.

And who am I then?

Yun

Reading a book of a China missionary. He was greatly persecuted in the communist country for spreading Gospel. But this man is studborn enough to withstand the breaking of fingers, jolt electric shocks and continuous beatings and insults. Like Peter, he enters the jail spreading Gospel, spreads the Gospel in the jail, leaves the jail spreading Gospel and continue spreading the Gospel out of the jail. Then the cycle goes on. He asked God to recieve his spirit while suffering from broken rib cage, swollen eyes with blurred visions and being alone without his family. But was touched by the Lord's love. And then he wrote this song:

Since the day I left home I've carried my cross
Running to the ends of the earth for Jesus
I've shared in the sufferings of my Lord
Proclaiming the Gospel through eyes of tears
Many times through the wind and rain
Tears have fallen down my cheeks
Many things burden my heart
But Jesus' love keeps leading me
His love and grace encourage me
Keeping me perfectly from day to day

Perfect in that condition?? There's no logic in God's love. Because it's love, it becomes silly. What silly things have you done in the name of love? (Complete Book of Questions Pg118 Q715)

Truth is true.

Today was a bad day for most of the people in Cheers, but I don't bother much to these things. The ice-cream chiller broke down... And ya, all the ice-creams that came just hours before it broke down melt. And ya, we gotta pay. $295.85 shared by 10~ But from this incident, I managed to express a Christian's life! (Worth paying the ice-creams..) And as usual, it led on to Davinci. Well, I tried my best. I asked God to stop them from asking me if I fail to bring out or to explain properly... But, they never give up asking. And I never give up listening, explaining and sharing. It was a nice sharing time! Then someone asked, "Why Christians always ask people to go to church? And keeps on nagging and perstering people?" In my heart, I go, "WOW! Nice testimony!!"

You know why? Imagine your best friend said she needed to buy a piece of furniture. She describes the features and her budget. Then one day on your shopping routines, you come to a store which captured your attention. You've never see tables, chairs and all kinds of furnitures being given out without a price. The store promises never ending flowof stocks. You went in and saw a piece of furniture which your friend needs, all she need to do is to come down and collect. No need cash nor nets. Won't you call her excitingly and tell her the location of the store? If in your heart, she still stand some space, you will tell her. And you will feel excited with her! That's same for inviting people. Just that this is a more WOW case. Because it's not furniture, it involves life, it involves Jesus, it involves God.

All of us need God. And after you recieved Him, the joy and peace is the exact "piece of furniture" anyone needs. Just imagine if your friend got it, but keeps this incident from you, tell you nothing about it, you can be sure that you have no place in her heart. The problem here is that people don't think they need God. We like to be in control of OUR lives. We don't like restrictions or someone mighty to overpower us. That's why we don't like to surrender to God... How long and deep can anyone on Earth makes you joyful or peaceful? If you think there's someone like that, I bet you haven't experience real joy and peace that God can give. Coz if you have, you know that there's no one like Him. The closest angel you can find non Earth is nothing close compared to God's love. The love that saves!

I may not be able to debate on all the so-called truths in the Davinci or Gospel of Judas. But the God I experienced is not going to change. And thus, I'm going to say "Sorry, I can't answer your qns, but my God can!", and hide behind Him and let God do the talking. HAH. Yep, call me a wimp. I don't care. But one thing for sure, truth doesn't have to prove itself, or be approved by us to stay truthful. You may despise, not accept and tarnish the image of God for all you want.

Jesus' still God.
You still need Him to be saved.

And this is the truth that doesn't have to prove itself or to be recognised to stay valid. It'll continue to be so years after the death of you and me. Truths don't change. God don't change too, because He's the truth! I want to speak up for Him everytime. But when it cost too much, my devil in me steps back... I'm sorry for disgracing you due to small faith.

Parenting..

Read a startling percentage on the factors that influenced mothers educating their children. And dads only stand 9%. Dads, where are you? Most mothers choose to ask their parents or their mothers-in-laws. The second highest % factor is... Books. Duh.

Pretty fortunate that my family doesn't work this way. My mum listens to my dad most of the time. (But listens to herself all the time! hah~) :x

Going to bowling later. OH YA! Kayson and Keegan is coming on 28th May! Can you believe it?! I'll will see them that day~ When will I see you again?! 28th May~ lalalalalala... ^^

The Heavenly Man

What's the closest you can do to make revival a reality? Through PRAYERS! And Unify is a small gathering the EFCs youths come together united in purpose, praying for revival. Let's seek God's mercy and grace fall upon us as we all call upon Him all at once~ You must come for this. Yes, YOU. You think only believers need to pray? Or only they can pray? Nope. Anyone can! Just as long you dail the right number to the right caller, you get through the line~ Amazing love our Lord has!! He accepts ANYONE, yes anyone, who prays sincerly.
[Saturday 27th May 2006, 7pm-9.30pm @ Covenant Evangelical Free Church. (10 Jelapang Road, S677740, Tel: 68926811) See you there yea~]

The more a person thinks he/she doesn't need to be close to God, the more they need to come before God in reverence. God says to fear Him! Have been reading a book called "The Heavenly Man" these few days. And I was so taken back by his testimony. WOW is my respond to many of his testimonies. How he could memorise the whole book of Mattew and Acts in his first year of faith?! *swallow hard -..-* That slapped me hard. So what if I have weak memory? Excuse for not memorising Scriptures? Help...

Although I'm rather conservative in the areas of unexplainable "coinsidences" that happens in lives, I was standing in awe how God works in China. (So different from how He work here in Singapore...) How He let His choosen people experience miracles one after another... Because of their extraordinary faith. That slapped me hard AGAIN why I haven't experience any yet. Because I was never prepared to see God do BIG things in my life! I was standing outside the room which hang "God's at work" on the door. Because I refused to enter, that was why I never experience??

You know how this dude know his wife? And how their first day of marriage was like? Because China was already a communist country when this person, Yun, started to evangelise. His work was so effective that he was on the "wanted" list by the government! (What pride~) He escaped lots of times after arrested. Then on the day they register for marriage, he was caught right on the spot. And his wife was asked to wait outside. She waited so long that she went home by herself that day... That was their first day of marriage. Days after that, she had to help him tear away christianity books and Bibles when their house was checked and recopying them word for word again. -.-" Respectable woman! Her faith helped him to go on. (Familiar? MI3...)

Btw, I FOUND MY CDs!! Both the oldies and the Psalty cd! And that means I have my wedding song~ Lalala... Hah. Let me share with you the lyrics:

I just wanna serve the Lord with you
Spending our lives, together
Standing on these promises in all we do
I just wanna serve the Lord with you

I look at you, and see your joy
From the morning untill day sets
With the passion you bring through everything
My beloved and my best friend

I just wanna serve the Lord with you
Spending our lives, together
Standing on these promises in all we do
I just wanna serve the Lord with you

Through your eyes, I see your heart
Tender and loving and kind
I am amazed as I got lost in your cares
And to feel your hand in mine

When the way is hard
You'll be there
To love me and cheer me up
We can do all things through Christ
He's our strength and He's our source

God has planned for us to stand
Together as husband and wife
May the vows we say
On our wedding day
Bring them throughout all our lives

I just wanna serve the Lord with you
Spending our lives, together
Standing on these promises in all we do
I just wanna serve the Lord with you

And you are not going to steal my wedding song are you? Don't you.. Super nice! I think I've changed alot these days. Especially for the past year. I hope this is a good change. Daddy always tells me, "You cannot decide you lifetime in just 5years, so start behaving like one who already committed years before your marriage." (when it comes to choosing of partner) How true. People who thinks that "I can go out with as many guys/girls as I want. I'm single. No committments YET. I can be as loose as I want to!" will find themselves still single ten years down the road. Because their lives were never prepared for that worth-staying person. They haven't prepare any room for that person to stay. So they'll miss out the chance for what God initially planned. Thus, not getting the Best. Now you see why restrictions and faithfulness goes hand in hand?

I hope I never again have to play the "Guessing Game".
I'll definately lose out.
So even before the game start, I want it out...

His Word sets us FREE!

There're so many things in life we have to learn. And when we're through in learning, we're through with life. I'm at a time frame experiencing the many many FIRST TIMES. And that is pretty exciting... Dangerous as well. When was your last 'first time'? Something for the first time that leaves impact enough to worth stay in your mind at least till now?

Mine is to be troubled debating anti-Christ thinkings. I never need to do that. I was always given the privillage to ask, but now, I have to make some stand. To develop my own thoughts to these topics. I have to listen to questions and TRY answering them. And that forced me to learn one thing:

Knowing what to focus on.

Of coz I don't know the answers to many questions, that I'm not too worry. (Everyone who knows me knows that -..-) What I fear most is not knowing what to focus on. When a question is being posted, I have to answer to the person, not the question. I am accountable to what I say, and that's stressful... Because that's like trying to swim to safe land when carrying bricks and being tied down by rocks. Either you gain muscles and survive, or lose your life. We have to multi-task to answer tough questions, and that, I can't. If I don't learn what to focus on, I'll even lose myself in the maze!!

After many days of Davinci and Gospel of Judas, I realised something. We have to learn to be humble. To look more to God, surrending that we're no fight to this world, to satan or to ourselves. And look less, and to believe lesser in what we think we can do. Or how firm we may stand in troubled waters. We're never clever than satan. And the fact is that satan have us more than once daily. God tells us that those who RUN away from evil, from sinful doings, from temptations are wise! RUN=WISE. Those who thinks that they can make it are the ones who eventually fail to make it across.

If satan can possess a person and make the person do whatever he commands, then can God possess me now? Ok la, not pocess but make me filled with the Spirit. (But 'possess' seemed like there're more force like that leh~ Hee...) Anyway, another battle tomorrow no matter I recognise it or not. A battle IS going on. Chip me in, Lord.

MI3 day~ Because she trusted, he loved.

What kind of person will you be when you are old, wrinkled and slow-moving?? The older you grow, the lesser things in life matters. That's why elders always know what to focus in their life. They know what matters and what not. They know what stays and what comes and go... Thus, they know what to hold on to and what to let go of~ I have poeple in mind whom I want to grow to become, my grandma is one of them!

Today, went to watch MI3 ( not IM3 huh...) with churchies. Hmm, Poseidon was nicer, I must say~ But still nice though. I have something that I don't know if it's good. I like to link everything that happens along the path of my day to my life. Especially some little things like songs I hear or movies I watch. That's why people always say they don't understand my blog... Well, now you know why. I think too much. I imagine too well. I try to fit myself into different people as much as I can, unless if I don't understand them. I will think: if I were them, I will do it this way and that will lead to that and then this... ... ... Then when it comes to a dead end, or to a decision when I don't know howto consider, I skip. Either to the next situation or the next person. That's how my mind works. Pretty self-centered huh~

Maybe that's what makes me float here and there in dreams then find it hard to get back to real life? How can these two worlds link? Though I can't do much, but some parts at least? How do I be the person I want to, as I face my realities? I want to respond and act like my heros in my dreams, but how do I in reality? That's why it all comes to the bottom line:

I need just Him.

Whatever that isn't seemed fair when comes out from God, will be fair. Whatever that seemed unloving when done by our Lord will become love. Whatever that seemed deciving when taught by Jesus, is the truth! Now can you see why I need just Him to get everything in line? Sadly, it isn't easy at all to walk in faith. We need more than self-discipline and determination to do that, we need the Spirit.

However, as always, it's not that the Spirit wasn't there, or that God didn't want to help, but we're not patient enough to wait. Our perserverance are easily shaken. Our love depends on others, we react and not respond. God is like screaming: "I'm here, child! I'm here. Come to Me!" And I walk all directions except towards Him and ask "Why are you not here? I need You." Then walk away further from Him. One of the two of us must be blinded. If God cannot be blind, then is me. Then is me who's unreasonable. God let us have our choice. We have the freedom. But at the same time, we bear the consequences.

Am I fit or daring to try God? I don't dare, but hope my actions reflect that!

Chop you up!

Today I was punk'd on. Can you imagine?! And I don't know how to go to school. That was a nasty joke and was defiantely NOT funny at all. What you all want to install in me is what I do not want to learn. And you claimed that it's a "skill" that girls should know? MY FOOT.

I don't think that's what I should learn. Different definations of gentleness here. I know how I should behave more than what you guys wanna teach. Being gentle is not equals to not destroying the just ready manicured nails, or sitting cross-legged everytime. Or knowing how to brush your hair to the back, or give a wink to someone or bite your lips... To me, that's seducing, that's flirting. And I DEFINATELY don't need that to live. Rest assured. I may seem dumb, old fashion or whatever you call it, but the think is, I know my focus, do you? Is your focus to attract this girl, or to make this person envy? Or just to make sure you look good, knowing how to present yourself? Is your life just this? Then you can really stop teaching me, coz my life's more than this.

I have my God to please. And to do that, there's no space to squeeze in nonsense. I'm too limited to learn everything, or absorb, or to please everyone around me. Let it be. See me as the "o-biang-auntie"... No more pranks, or I'll not help you do recieving! Haha~

Snap shot!

This will be better if the plants are more focused. Never mind if the people are blur... Haha~
I like the way they swing their arms as they walk, like people who are worries-free! Nice, nice...

Paint paint paint...

Youths, please refer to Yifan's flickr to get photos taken. If you have, post there too! Then I can go take too... Hee~

I have a new inspiration on what will fill my next white page in my sketch book... Erm, uh, coz this is rather challenging, I'll wait till I come out with it then say laa. I'm excited to go back school tomorrow~ Suprised?! Haha...

Can't wait for the days, months, years to pass man. Com'on, tick faster!

(Ohh ya, Zongling and Yifan ATE, yes, ATE, flowers today.) -..-""
And note that it tasted bitter. Do sms them every now and then to know if they're still alive k!

Bdae Blast

I'm really sleepy now, but I just can't get my mind to stop racing. Gotta thank all that came on Friday, and to those to didn't, you are also as much appreciated. And to my youths, you guys are the best!

Melissa: The last one that wished me birthday. Scared me with that dumb popper~
Char: Who refused to swap sleeping place with me! But helped up so much in directing my friend to zx on fri, You Did It!! Amazing.. :X
Zongling: It must be one of the few times when you can tahan till so late huh~ Nice one man! Ohh, for the sandles, sorry laa.
Alan: You can make it for army de!!! Hardwork plus sweat equals can do pumpings. You're the one I most want to protect. -.-"
Longxiang: Understand your struggles and problems. Glad that you're always willing to listen to what the Bible has to say. Your enthusiasm in serving never fail to inspire me!
Weijie: Very impressed by how much you put in for the preparation in my dinner, thanks~ And to know that you're always there to help put a smile in my day.
Nat: My ultimate slaute to you. As people are slacking in the morning, you were in the kitchen, cutting the hotdogs... Thankyou~
Liqin: The cake, the teachings and care you've provided.. Is not only on my birthday, but more so daily.
Alvin: Those smackings, rolling of eyes and jokes I remember. But most of all, the understandings.
Suya: Well, you're the one I can feel even when you're not around. And it's proven that you're in my heart...
Weiwen: Most of all, thank you for all the promises made. I need them! Because I know they are real.. :p
Yiqi: The best card recieved this year from you! Can see how much you put in it. I simply love you man~
Yifan: The second last person to wish me. With the strong reminder from you, I end 12th May. Thanks for the explanations throughout the movie too! -..-

I hope you enjoyed the two days as much as I did, if not more. One regret, no Bible study... Nvm, we have plenty time for that! Haha~ Now, read Romans 1. Mind blasting. Heart breaking too. We need Him. Just Him. His love and mercy I pray for will come when I stretch out my hand and recieve in faith. When can I ever stretch out then?

When they say make a wish, it meant to really MAKE them. Not just hope sitting. Footprints are never made sitted. But of coz it all starts with dreaming laa...

Fri, pls rain~

Today, lots of little things happened, and led to many thoughts and reflections. Two small boys came to our store today. One 7 and another 6 plus. Macus and David. Smart boys. I like the way their parents talked to them, treat them like adults. And so they behave nicely! This led me on to think how hard is it to educate own kids. To love them and to show them to be enthusiastic in every right thing they are doing, this is NOT at all easy. Faithful parents bear lasting fruits. Consistent teachings, from the Bible, is the way to moulding a life.

Next, to recall the conver my friends had in store today was horrendeous. They were "competiting" how vulgar their language can go. And they seemed enjoying themselves, yes, even the victims laugh their selves off~ I was like "duh?!" do you know that they are talking about you?? But glad that I made my firm stand on these. I made myself heard and managed to bring out the values I believe in. It was never fun being out-casted just because of my holy-believes. However, deep deep deep down, I felt good! I lived out His life~ Now, what else matters more?

Another thing that made my thoughts spin, the queue. You know what chocks up the queue in cheers? People who are unprepared. Those who haven't take out their wallet from their enormous bag and only to start searching for it when they reached the counter. That keeps everyone waiting when you could have just do it while waiting. Faithful people are always prepared, and you know you can depend on them! You don't have to worry about what you hand them, the project, proposal or your life. You know that when they say they will do it, they just will. It's a pain to work with unfaithful people. That's why it's always painful to work with me, haha...

Another thing is about the ability to believe in self. When I see some people being very influential in school, I wonder how much more I can accomplish if I were them. But what happen next stopped me from being envious, what I have which they don't: Life, Christ's power in life. I realised that I can live best when I picture and always remind myself that I'll reap whatever I sow. "Will you buy that car from the rental shop which you've just abused last week?" RW asked in his book. I love to start each day praying, because you'll definately need God's strength to glorify the Lord in every tiny areas. And believe it or not that He answers. Really. I recognise my effort in making a mark of Christ by telling myself: "Well, they don't understand you for the moment. But someday they will, if you keep that up." 1Cor 3:18 is a powerful reminder to how we should live.

So, I've always love to say: Someday everything will be fine. And I truly believe that, that someday will come. It will. When it's finally here, you'll say:

"It's all worth it. It's paying off~"

Poeple, strive on, there's more in yourself to discover today! Cheers.

More painful?

Recieved this mail that asked me which is more painful. What you think? Haha, I know it's quite -.- but just think for a while... Answers anyone? I don't know myself. Then the mailer added that I will only feel pain if he was in any of the pics. True, I'll feel sad if any of my friends do these kind of things...

Look IN

Too much of the Kallang body parts trial... Then the detective stories yesterday made it worse. Luckily I dosed off somewhere after one case! Hee~

After going to toilet, I can't sleep, thinking of the faces of muderer and replaying the murder in my head. Hmm, sometimes it's better not to know. But when told, I'll never walk away... Curiosity kills the cat, remember? Life is so fragile, so weak, so helpless. Without Him, really nothing stays. So what if we have pink health? So much wealth? Or leading a life loved by all? Good looks? Successful carree? I see how people go all out to be liked. Whatever stuns you can think of.

LQ once said that people, especially youths, would like as many people to like them as possible. To an extend of hurting the others, they don't care. There's no need to please everyone in this short life we live. Face it, we can't no matter how much you would wish you can. Of coz I don't mean just sit there and tell people: "I'm just like that." And make no effort to change. These people are not at all resposible and there's no room for improvment for them. That's sad. Well, I said that a couple of times. "It's so me to be rude." "It's me to be insensitive." I'm repenting -.- Give me some time k? God don't really care what kind of people we are, but He watches carefully how much effort we made to become more like Him.

I have many many many dreams. But I dislike calling them "dreams" becoz dreams seems so FAR. "Aims" seems nearer, but weirder. Most of them are related to life-long commitments. What I want to do in carree, what will be my focus area in Lord's house, who I want as husband, how to manage my family... So many far far aims and ideal targets. How many can I hit if I continue sitting here waiting for things to happen? My dad always remind me:
"If you want to be successful, behave like one who is. If you want a committed and faithful relationship, be committed and faithful yourself."

Easy to say, but so difficult to do it out~
Keep going the right right direction at the pace God intended to give THEN, we'll reach the purpose which we were created for. ^^

Thankful!

Hee~ Another sharing of the song: "Thankful". It goes like this:

You know my soul
You know everything that's in me there's to know
You know my heart
How to make me stop and how to make me go
You should know I love everything about you
Don't you know

That I'm thankful for the blessing
And the lessons I've learnt with you
By my side
That I'm thankful, so thankful for the love
You keep bringing in my life
Thankful, so thankful

You know my thoughts
Before I open up my mouth and try to speak
You know my dreams
Must be listening when I'm talking in my sleep
I hope you know
I love having you around me
Don't you know

Don't you know that I'm thankful for the moments
When I'm down you always know how to make me smile
Thankful for the moments and joy you're bringing in my life

For the lessons that I've learnt
For the trouble I've known
For the heartache and pain
That you've shown my way
When I didn't think I could go on
But you made me feel strong
With you, I know, I am never alone.

Hmm, nice song isn't it? Maybe thanks to my ability to imagine, I can put myself into many songs. I don't have to experience the troubles to feel with the emotions in songs. Delicate this song to the One and Only God. Well, a quiz said that I'm quite a mush-mushy kind of person, HOW CAN THAT BE?! But LQ pointed out the few areas where I'm like that! Amazing~ And I thought that's a tiny little bitsy true... But still, how can the report say until I like that?! :(

Just completed another drawing. I hate to describe art work. I think it's close to impossible especially when a person with little verbs, vocabulary and nouns... Will let you see whenever possible. Bet you'll say: "Aiyo! Always dreaming~" Talking about this, is it good to dream? I dislike dreams that pulls you AWAY from reality. That kind of dream is useless. I like dreams that makes you look forward to something reachable, within what my life can hit. And working towards the dream is what I'm facing now. You reap what you sow. When you dream, don't forget to out in action plans. You'll be shocked to know how detailed some of my action plans are...

T-O-D-A-Y

The cloudy sky is here, but I'm not doing it... Coz have to go for badminton later. Someday bah~ Anyway, I feel quite dumb promising it lor. So lame and crazy.

I have to blog about a sercurity guard that came to my store yesterday. He gave $2 for a $0.95 fruit juice then claimed that he gave me a $10 note. DUH. So I returned him $9.05... But deep down I know it wasn't true! Today, he came again. Haslam. My friends helped me explained the whole thing to him again and said that I had to pay the difference if he don't return the cash. Angrily but out of little compassion, I think, he returned $8 to me~ He still say want to watch the CCTV... Whatever, but I'm very sure about the note he gave.

So many joker-customers today! And you know how I laugh. Super loud and super ungraceful... So the whole day was WHAHA... HEHEHE... HAHAHA... Nonstop. One customer after another. Share with you some:
1. "Do you need a carrier?" Paused as customer looks at me blankly. "Well, sometimes I do." I was like DUH?! What sometimes?! So I asked "Do you need a carrier NOW?" laughing uncontrollably... "Erm, uh, I think ya, I need it now." You see how crazy people get after lessons?!?!?!
2. Background info: $0.45 change to the customer but there's no more $0.05 in that POS. "Sorry, we're out of 5cents... Sorry" (With that pathetic face) Then he said, "Oh nevermind, you can give me $0.50 lor~" He's not joking nor is he angry. He was himself! That's the catch! Where got people demand $0.05 from cashiers one??

Well, it was fun... We like to people watch in our store. We're just trying to let time pass faster~ Then we saw this guy. His eyes smaller than mine -.- REALLY. So they got super excited and asked me to see him. My reply shocked them, "Quite handsome what..." Then Syam took one survey form and asked him to fill... I was shocked by her courage. Sometimes I hope I can evangelise like that. No waitS. And he agreed to fill up the form. After that, she happily gave me his form and tell me that he wrote his hp and email too. I was like -.-" Handsome meant nothing more than good looks. They really thought that I will call... FAT HOPE. Not surprised that they did the repeated stuns on the rest of the "target-victims".

Oh ya, you know that Tammy who created a havoc in our school? She came to cheers today. Very pretty I must say... With a cap, mini skirt, sports top with... High Heels. Rather weird I thought~ But was putting myself in her shoes. Will I still ever find the strength to walk to school?! Salute to her. I mean her determination and how she cope with stress~ She isn't abit like how she SHOULD react! She's still joking and laughing with her friends. That made me recall what I read in RW's book: To be an actor, not a reactor. Well, actor in this case doesn't mean to be a hypocrite, but to be in control of our actions at ALL TIMES. Col 3:23 always made remeber who we're living for. Not men, but the true boss up there~ If you have that special balck book, which turned billions of lives upside down, being translated to 2233 languages and is the best selling book in the history of mankind: The Bible, flip with me to Col 3:23!

Focus on Him. When you focus sun rays, it can burn ants. imagine if we focus our lives... WOW! What more things will catch fire because of us!? Go on man, not just hang on to life, but live it!

DAVINCI

I would want to blog about The Davinci Code actually. I've never read the book and all the knowledge I have is all from people. Because of the interesting discussion we had today, I think I should study it more? Plus heard from friends that it hit churches in US really badly... I sat at my desk and brain-stormed for at least an hour(until I fell asleep~) on how to answer the question posted to me today:

'Was Jesus crazy, a liar, or the Son of God as He claimed?'

Thanks for the question, it made me think. Anyway if I don't spend my time thinking, I might not have spent it as meaningful as I did! But there's really alot to bring out, and I have to put them in sequence, good phrasing... To train myself too! Wait for me, I'll be back with my organised stuffs~

more of WHAT and less of WHAT?

"There is only one solution. You do not need more from the Lord, because He has given Himself completely to you already! You just need less of everything else."

Read that in someone's blog. Meaningful ehh~ It reminded me the story of the prodigal's son. The focus of that whole story is on his brother. The one who was really out of home. He asked for his father's attention by wanting his dad to take what belongs to him(already) to his hand. What he needed wasn't more father's care and concern. His dad gave everything that he himself had since he was born. What he needed was less jealousy.

Rick Warren said that being FOCUSED is not only to list down what we aim to do, but also what we aim NOT to do. Coz very often than not, these "unecessary plans/activities" in life draws us further from our aim. And these activities may not be wrong or bad, but just not good. Such as sleeping more hours than we usually need; spending money on the best things in the materialistic world. To be focused, we need to cut lots of things in life that we might have enjoyed. I have to remind myself I don't live for men, but for God in everything that I do. Well, but I live towards some people. Hmm, wait till I know how to explain this.

You know what's the best part about waiting? It's about knowing there may be better plans than this... So you're more hopeful, always postitive and excited! How great is life, WAITING.

sHoEs~

I always have problemS with boots, no doubt they are my favourite wear for almost ALL occasions(I feel). Few months ago, I went buffet in a pair of boots and only realised that the sole of one side is missing after one serving of food. Well, guess what's next? My (-.-) dad went to look for it (the sole) throughout the whole resturant (Sakura at Tampanies). He found it somewhere around the fruits' section... AND he picked it up and brought back to our table, trying to control his laugher. You know, for the rest of the lunch, my parents served me so well!! :P

Guess what today? I wore my 2nd fav shoe, the brown boot. Probably because of the wetty wheather, the front part of the sole came off. And it dangles like an open mouth... I wasted $4+ to buy superglue to know that it just don't stick. Before I could think of any solution, I can see gap at the other side!! -.-" DUH. So my friends came up with a very lame solution, but not too lame as it helped me back home, sweet and sound~ To use MASKING TAPE. Well, he helped me stick the tape from the bottom of the sole to the top part of the shoe... And used all his strength to step on my toes, just to make sure it sticks firmly. Pain. But I was prepared, it's nothing compared to what my churchies do always~

I'm going to buy a new pair of shoe. Not boots, I think... Bless my taste, since it has always been QUITE different.

Colour my Skin, Sun.

Now I really regret signing up for the free lists of babies names... Now they are sending me "babyweekly" every now and then -.-" I wanted an easier way to find names then~

Anyway, I am glad that I finally see some colour on my body. Nice colour that may last just 3 days? Good enough, at least I am colourful for at least a few days... Hah, went Sentosa today and it was rather relaxing~ Coz no programmes planned. But I really enjoy doing nothing at beach! See HUGE dogs(definately nicer than smaller ones), seneries and not forgetting those babes and dudes... Well, no pretty ones today, and only 2 handsome guys. Pathetic ehh~

But today was exceptionally fun because Ah Tiang came!!! I missed her since we graduated. Well, I'll never forget that she was the one who ran the 2.4km with me after my injury. She may be vulgar, rude and SUPER-lame at times, but can you deny she has a heart of gold? She cares for people in a weird way, and just happen that I love it that way! Loving people the COOL way. instead of: "How are you these days?" she'll say: "Ehh, you haven't die??" Haha... (People, I haven't forget my aim to be more gentle!)
Secondary was fun with her around. Doing jumping-jacks at the back of the class, backing each other up during P.E lessons, learning all those disguisting but exciting stuns... All was fun with her! Maybe coz we are of the same pattern. The out-of-mind kind~ Today, we recorded a MTV at the shore. Yes, those very ancient kind of story line about couples at beach. And we acted crazily lor :D These acts released those kept "inner-child" in me. (If not, I might burst oneday..)

But back to real-life. Tomorrow cashier from 7.30am to 11am... DUH. But I'm going to try my best. Faithfulness includes doing best at work. And I want to be faithful. Aim: difference of $3 at most. If more than that, erm, uh, hmmm... I'll do better the next day?! Hee~

Jesus' life wasn't easy. What makes us think that ours will?